Why would Liverpool want to sign a ‘messy ho’ like Werner?

Date published: Thursday 28th May 2020 2:30

Timo Werner RB Leipzig Liverpool

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Timo Werner to Liverpool…
I am a Liverpool fan and I don’t want us to sign Timo Werner. My reasons are not  particularly complicated. It’s not because I think he wouldn’t fit into Liverpool’s style or that he wouldn’t be suited to the Premier League. I don’t have any views on those sorts of issues and I leave those appraisals to Michael Edwards and Liverpool’s scouts.

The reason I don’t want us to sign him is that he seems to be a messy ho. Despite scoring lots of goals, he seems to spend all his spare time with his agent leaking stories about a potential transfer to the press. One of the reasons that Liverpool have been so successful over the last few years is that the entire squad have concentrated on winning and not stoking transfer rumors (*cough* except maybe Sadio Mane).

Players who aren’t 100% focused on winning don’t typically win. No matter how good they are.
Oliver, LFC


Xherdan Shaqiri…the hot local girl…
As we approach Friday (the day when journalists say the Newcastle takeover is just ‘days away’) the subject of transfers keeps coming up.

We are linked, unsurprisingly, with every disgruntled player with an agent. But Newcastle fans are trying to be realistic….with a dash of dreams thrown in.

We maybe looking at the hot local girl but we are all secretly hoping Jennifer Lawrence’s marriage fails so we have more of a chance with her.

So Shaqiri is our hot local girl and Bale is our J-Law. The only advantage we have is we will be loaded and there’s a good chance FFP will be relaxed.

In which case expect every player who is looking for a pay day to be dreaming of a move to us (whoever thought they’d be seeing that written again?).

There are of course some key lessons to learn. They should mainly be learned from Everton who spunked a lot of cash on very similar players.

We need a manager with vision and Premier League experience who wants a major rebuilding project. Who can throw out some very average players and retain some quite talented players.

Again we are realistic in our hopes in Benitez and Pochettino.

So we will have cash to splash in a market that is depressed, we will have owners who have ambition.

All we need is Keegan in headphones getting wound up and we are looking at a very bright future.
Rob G


Everyone is overrated
I don’t really understand this obsession with trying to prove certain players were overrated. However, I’m noticing a bit of a trend. The main issue is dissecting the failure of the ‘golden generation’ of England players. So it usually comes down to Beckham, Owen, Gerrard, Terry, Lampard and everybody else in those teams. The idea that these players were never that good is somewhat comforting. Because looking at the reverence these players are held in by their clubs, you’d think they walked on water. And that leads to the uncomfortable reality that England were always underachieving in tournaments from 2002-2010. That also holds water when looking at the current England squad, which went further in a tournament despite being less talented man-for-man.

I don’t think any of these players were overrated, but they certainly underachieved internationally. The two games against Portugal especially. Its why Rooney is the ultimate ‘what if’. He was supposed to be that special something that would push England from pretenders to contenders, but he couldn’t get it done, and never had a better tournament than 2004.

I wonder if Messi will be called overrated if ye never wins a World Cup for Argentina
Keith. Worthing


Messi reads the Mailbox…
I think Messi reads the mailbox! It can be the only reason he has decided to come out praising Mason Mount as destined to be one of the greatest players in world football. We can now consider this the end of the most overrated players debate. Now on to the next one, has anyone passed comment on VAR yet?
Adam, LFC


Yes Giggs was consistently great over a very long career. But take one or two peak seasons and I’d say these Premiership-era left wingers were better
Alexis Sanchez , Eden Hazard, Harry Kewell, Arjen Robben, Marc Overmars, Robert Pires, David Ginola, Gareth Bale, Cristiano Ronaldo.

And go back just a few years before the invention of football to the best of John Barnes. Need I say more?


Fan mail for Eamonn…
Nice try Eammon, you might catch a few with that but the majority will see it for what it is.  A particularly poor and bitter attempt to be a WUM after you recently created a bit of a stir because a few people responded with logic to your ill thought out mail that was the football equivalent of the Dumb and Dumber scene and popular meme with Jim Carey ‘so you’re saying there’s a chance?’.

2/10 (must try harder)
James Outram, Wirral


Eamonn, just stop now. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Lee (Imagine dedicating hours of your time to being a sad little ABL), LFC


Eamonn, Dublin: Liverpool fans are so over sensitive and completely over reacted to something I didn’t even say.

Former Birmingham City and Sheffield United midfielder Curtis Woodhouse: Ryan Giggs was unbelievably overrated

Liverpool fans:

Eamonn, Dublin: Steven Gerrard is the most overrated player in English football history. Wah wah wah.
Ronan (wind up merchants are bad enough but hypocritical ones…), Galway


I’m going to assume Eamonn has Man Utd badges tattooed onto the back of his eyeballs that impair his vision, because his hot take on Gerrard being overrated this morning was utter piffle.
Oliver, London


I had to give Eamonn credit, it’s a bold man who states with apparent straight face that a team who has amassed the greatest ever domestic season in any top 5 league in all of history (up to game week 29), could then implode to the extent that the next quarter of a season consists of bottom of the table relegation form.

You don’t even have to add in Man City’s situation and their near-perfect required results, the prediction on Liverpool alone is truly wonderful. And he is right, no one knows, when something is still mathematically possible, its possible. An asteroid could smash the earth even after a mathematical conclusion to the season, but before champions are crowned, and I suppose stop even the inevitable? Disappointingly, he didn’t entirely place his gonads upon the train tracks by stating that he would still bet on Liverpool, but I’ll forgive him that slight scent of sanity when there is such stench of wilful psychosis.

But then Eamonn gives the game away. I thought his impassioned plea on the sense and logic of his argument was evidence of his genuine belief that this was a real possibility, but then he sent an email about Stevie G and I realised instead, Eamonn is an absolute gem of a mailbox shithouser. After winding up the masses with a delightfully mischievous opine on Liverpool’s perfectly implausible implosion, he offers up a steel-toe-capped boot to the bollocks of their fanbase by attacking the frankly deific Stevie G. I imagine Eamonn with manic grin and malevolent intent, tippy-tapping away on his keyboard as he derides poor Steven and his very existence. This is a targeted attack, this is a man with a penchant for aggravating the people he most loathes. He’s the David Batty of F365 mailboxing.  If you rise to this, if you treat this in any way as an honest critique of Gerrard as a player, you are giving naughty little Eamonn far too much credence.

I have not been a consistent reader of the mailbox since football abruptly halted, but sense that in this vacuum the more unpleasant mailbox tendencies have unfortunately become more prevalent, this though, this is shithousing.

I see you Eamonn, I see you.
Ed Ern


So, A quirky question for United fans (Eamon, in particular)….How does it feel, now that we know football is definitely returning, and Liverpool will win the league that in a few weeks you will no longer be England’s most successful club? Well, you will be England’s most successful rinsed by their owners in debt club lol
Ryan. Liverpool


Celebs XI…
For absolutely no reason here are a ’90s celebrities with their names slightly altered to make them sound like 90s Italian footballers’ XI

GK Gerri Halliuca
DF Mick Hucknelli
DF Kevin Costnacurta
DF Chris Tarrantini
DF Peter Andrésta

DF Anthea Turnervaro
MF Jennifer Love Hewittoni

MF Britney Di Spierso
MF Barry from Eastendersaggio
FW Rory Bremneraghi
FW Donna Viairi

Manager Sharlene Spit…no. Armando Ianu….not him either. Peter Capal..hmmm. Ronnie Ancona? What’s going on with all these famous Italian Scots? Is battered ice cream a thing yet?

Speaking of Italian (I’d be so good writing segues), to that Swiss fella who told me that I don’t have to listen to any pundits before quickly implying an opinion not being shared by the likes of Robbie Savage and Martin Keown means something;

Beruhigen, Krumpel / Calmez-vous, copain / Calmati, amico / Calm down, la  (Delete as appropriate depending on your region of Switzerland)
Eamonn, Dublin 


Let’s think about nice things
Good god folks, the mailbox has got so bloody negative over the last few weeks. Isn’t there enough horrible stuff out there in the real world without us all piling on here too? With that in mind, instead of talking about who’s actually rubbish or why Liverpool or Man Utd or John Terry is the worst, my question is which players have pleasantly surprised you?

The first time I saw Harry Kane play, he was a young lad who was a bit too slow, a bit too weak and didn’t look at all confident in front of goal or with the ball in general. He looked exactly the sort of young player who you can immediately judge as ‘never going to be good enough’, and I know I was far from the only one to leap to that judgment. The fact that he has developed into an excellent goalscorer (overrated, underrated, world class or not, he still bangs ’em in) and a pretty darn good playmaker to boot is a testament to his hard work and dedication and it’s wonderful to see.

Best wishes everyone,
Harry (not Kane), THFC


Johnny Nic
This week: Why i hate a few synonyms and words

Next week: Why the alphabet should start from J and why i hate the letter Q.

I think the man has had a mental breakdown and needs a bit of help. We are with you Johnny, as long as you start writing about actual football related things.

Although, the term WAG does need to fuck right off though, or start refering to the boyfriends of female sports starts as HABs. Be a dick to everyone equally or dont be one at all.
Aman, India


Language Timothy!

Obscure British comedy reference there for readers of a certain age.

I enjoyed Johnny Nic’s piece on words and phrases in football that in his opinion should be banned.

My English lecturer at uni in the seventies was inclined to use the apparent lack of a wide vocabulary from footballers in interviews to demonstrate that they were all thick. This was before media training etc. I don’t believe it was true in most cases, I just think players then were more nervous in front of the cameras.

When asked a question, the player would provide an answer which included the words ‘you know’ in a sentence at least once then again at the end. These words served no purpose and could be removed without changing the meaning of the reply.

This English lecturer called this practice ‘superficial circularity’. In other words using the same phrase over and over again for no real purpose. It is perhaps telling that this is the only thing I remember from his three years of boring lectures.

I’m sure the lovely readers of this site will come up with a long list of words and phrases they would like to put in Room 101.
Roger THFC


John really has tied himself into a knot today. His leed says “The English language is a wonderful and mercurial beast, flexible in the extreme and ever-changing”.

Then he proceeds to whine about the mercurial, ever-changing language when it affects his rose-tinted, 50’s football worldview (I’m sure that’s on his list as well, probably around #8.

“Bested” is not an import from American sports. It’s a simple past participle of “best”.  But even if it was an import? Don’t the people in the USA speak English? It might not be John’s proud, sceptered-isle English, but can’t the Americans follow football and use their own language to describe it? Or does the English FA’s “ownership” of football extend to the dictionary you can use? That sucks for the Brazilians, the Mexicans and everyone else on the planet that doesn’t speak English.

Broadcasters use verbal crutches all the time – they are not analyzing themselves when they open their mouths and come up with “for me …”. I’d like to see John interviewed and watch him not use one single verbal crutch while he’s answering a question. It’s simply impossible, and a cheap shot to take at a broadcaster.

Finally – if you don’t like “WAG”, don’t read the tabloids. I’m not sure why you’re reading them anyway, except to make yourself angry.
Steve, um, er, for me, Los Angeles, Clive


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