Man Utd must avoid Ten Hag replacements who are ‘straight turd’ and ‘explosive diarrhoea’ in comparison

Editor F365
England manager Gareth Southgate, Man Utd coach Erik ten Hag and Graham Potter, formerly of Chelsea
How is Erik ten Hag worse than Gareth Southgate or Graham Potter?

The idea that Man Utd manager candidates Graham Potter and Gareth Southgate are ‘competent’ in a way Erik ten Hag is not makes absolutely no sense.

Send your thoughts to


What is competence anyway?
Ed, Dara may know how ad revenue and click-bait works but what Dara doesn’t know is a working definition of competence, unless he thinks a manager’s competence is measured by mundanity. So on to a comparison; all the Manchester United manager contenders have a varying air of sh*t about them so will be graded as such.

Potter :

Seasons – 13
Trophies (3*, really 1)
– Swedish 4th tier trophy
– 3rd tier trophy
– Swedish Cupen

Average league position
– Swedish 4th tier – 1
– Swedish 3rd tier – 1
– Swedish 2nd tier – 8
– Swedish 1st tier – 6.3
– Swansea – 10
– Brighton – 13.3 (last season he f**ks off in September and they finish 6th)
– Chelsea – We all know how that went

Entered what’s agreed to have been a perfect backroom setup in Brighton and did decent, stunk at his one chance at the top in a chaotic club (no excuse for Ten Hag though). Mundane as hell.

Overall grade – straight turd, bad smell, sticky



Seasons – 14 (have to include U21s otherwise the next section is a bit bleek, read: non-existent)
Trophies (1*, really 0)
– 2016 U21 Toulon tournament

Average league position
– Boro Div. mix – 14.6 (relegated and sacked in 11th in the championship for stinking hard)

Best England generation ever apparently, nothing to show for it. Sh*t in all club management seasons. Mundane as hell, nothing to see here, championship at best post-England. Avoid like syphilis.

Overall grade – explosive diarrhoea, leaves a sting, I’m never eating that again.

ūüĎȬ†Ten Hag out? We would prefer Man Utd kept hold of ‘paranoid bearded egg’
ūüĎȬ†Gareth Southgate in the Premier League: 24 damning statistics which Manchester United should see


I’ll speed this up because the point is made but,

Eric Ten Hag
Seasons: 12
Trophies (12* – 8 if you take out lower division and discount the covid cancellation in 1st), throw in a bunch of runners up as well

Average league position
Twente – 4.5
Ajax – 1.2
United – 3

Overall grade – certainly no perfect 10, an uncompromising splashback but satisfying all the same

Dara, Come on maaaaan…. who in their right mind would say the first 2 goons were competent managers and the 3rd one wasn’t????

Seriously, at least google first or pick different reference points, you had the option to pick anyone you wanted to slate ETH and a connected device at your fingertips. Major fail at digital competence and in the vernacular usage of competence when referencing a vocation where the goal is to win things or even just earn your employers more money.

*non top-tier trophies or season cancellation in 1st included.

Bonus rounds
– you’re right Matt, the gift that gives a trophy a season! keep them coming you bald, mental, egg fraud, whatever he is these days.

– Also right Simon Evans, see above that 1.2 in Eredivisie for ETH would be 2nd, then 4 x 1st… and he’s a god damned, egg-shaped moron would couldn’t manage a telemarketing team, so who the F is Slot? (also bald so beware Liverpool fans…)

– Chris – agreed, but the ¬£18m only really matters to accountants and shareholders, shouldn’t to mere observers of the game IMO. Arsenal were sweet entertainment to watch over the course though, UTD only occasionally so.

– Stewie – almost don’t want to do this but good parallel and memory. I’ve been around long enough to member berry that sh*t too.

– Steve – I almost exclusively know UTD fans and everyone loved the final, season stunk sure but acknowledging mitigations and a trophy winning experience really made up for it. Appreciate that’s not something you can relate to. Most I know went from tearing up tickets to can’t wait to see what happens next. Emotional swings driven by youth players do offer the best feelings and a trophy can really erase the previous months of torture.

– Derek – appreciate the response and with my dad being a Toon supporter and aforementioned close spurs supporting friend, I did have real life examples to draw on. Arsenal fans should be way happier with their season that UTDs, but if they do nothing with it in the CL and don’t continue progress to glory, it just fades into the ether.

Jeeeez Dara,


Why F365 want Erik sacked
So Dara O’Reilly doesn’t get why f365 would want Ten Hag to lose his job. It’s just leaks that they are reporting. I’m sorry Dara but I think that roughly 98 percent of leaks are just made up on the spot by a journalist because the entertainment needs to continue. Which is why I think it is obvious that f365 and pretty much all other football media would quite like Ten Hag to be fired, so their summer becomes a lot easier. All the clicks, easy to write articles, and without having to come up with a new victim every day. Win, win win situation for any football site.

Or u could believe that the owners have decided to fire Ten Hag 10 times and changed their mind 10 times so far. Yes, it must be that. It’s all leaks, not made up bs.


Who’s had the better season?
I’m an Arsenal fan, and grew up with Wenger insisting 4th place was like a trophy in the midst of a 9 year “trophy drought.”

When I was in school I was desperate for Arsenal to win a trophy, any trophy, so that noise would stop. And thankfully, that particular stick couldn’t be used to beat Arsenal anymore after the FA cup win in 2014 (despite the early heart attack in that game after 2 – nearly 3 – of Hull’s starting centre backs scored in the first 10-20 mins.)

Wenger won 3 FA cups in his last 4 years at the club. I don’t think it changed anyone’s opinion about him and his suitability to leading a club with elite ambitions, or the perception of him being tactically negligent/stubborn to a fault.

People can debate about who had the better season, but it depends on what you mean by that. If your argument is that United had a better season because they won a trophy and arsenal didn’t, then your definition of a better season is presumably “won more/more prestigious trophies.”¬† In which case, you are objectively correct and there isn’t a lot more to say!

That being said, I wasn’t particularly bothered by United winning the FA cup, and it hasn’t led to any sort of existential crisis.

In Arteta’s first season he took over around Christmas, with a squad built in Wenger/Emery’s image and finished 8th, winning the FA cup. Once he started building his own team, a pretty terrible season followed, finishing 8th again. Since that point, he has continued to build a young, exciting squad, has been utterly ruthless with players that don’t fit the culture he’s wanted to build, and the team seen significant improvement year on year. From qualifying for Europa League, to an unexpected title challenge, to finishing within one result of City while making it to a Champions League quarter final for the first time in 14 years.

The last two years have seen the domestic cups take a back seat, I think. And that will hopefully be an area that sees improvement next season. Regardless though, I do think Arteta needs to win either the Premier League and Champions League to cement the legacy of what he’s done these past few years. I’m obviously hopeful it will happen next year. That remains to be seen, but if I was to make an argument that Arsenal had a better season than United, it would be on the basis that the indicators of long-term health are much stronger for Arsenal, and I would be far more optimistic going into next season as an Arsenal fan. Of course, there’s no guarantee Arsenal will maintain the same pace they’ve set. Liverpool dropped off massively the season after they last finished within a result of City. But we can’t all be City/Madrid. Offer me a premier league and champions league at any point in the next five years and I will rip your hand off, obviously.

At the end of the day, my point is essentially that, while no one may look back and remember that brilliant 23/24 season when Arsenal finished second, I think this is a really exceptional Arsenal team, and if they do win a major trophy in the next couple of seasons I, personally, will look back on this season as a building block.

And while people may not look back and remember who finished second, I don’t know who apart from Arsenal fans (if even) frequently look back on those 3 FA cup titles in 4 years. People certainly wouldn’t look back at them as a particularly exceptional Arsenal team. Those sorts of accolades are reserved for major trophies.

I think there’s also an argument that winning a trophy is a lot of fun, a great day out,¬†and is absolutely¬†worth¬†revelling in on that basis. If you’re genuinely having fun though, you don’t generally have to remind everyone else how much more fun you’re having than them.


Survey says
I’m responding to¬†Moses (mononym is the way)’s¬†recent mail (to which I see that¬†Derek from Dundalk¬†has already replied) seeking an NUFC supporter to answer a few questions in service of the “Cup or Top Four” debate; I’ve supported Newcastle since 1995. For my part, I would rather have won the FA Cup than finished in the Top Four in either of the last two seasons. I do not very much agree with some of your bullet points, but the simple fact is that, as a supporter of a club that’s won nothing since long before I started supporting them, winning something (even the League Cup) will mean so very much.

That said, I think it’s objectively true that top four is better for any club than a domestic cup win. The money, prestige of Europe, and access to better players are just more important to any club’s long-term success than stashing a replica cup in the trophy case. The biggest things this whole discussion has revealed are that a) clubs and fans can want different things, and that b) fan motivations can vary¬†from club to club.
Chris C, Toon Army DC


Always been closing
I end all my cardio days at the gym on an elliptical machine.¬† I try to leave myself some reserves of energy so I can have a strong closing kick, get that last good lather and keep the heartbeat up (whilst not looking the gassed twat that I am, struggling to the very end).¬† This got me thinking I’m rather lucky to support a football club that often finds a finishing kick to put capstones on so many of our most momentous moments.¬† Maybe to get there in the first place you risk failing spectacularly, but like days spent in a gym it takes requisite suffering to build up any body of work.

Our ghost goal at Anfield was epic because we in large part lifted a fifth European cup off the back of that surge, storming back from minus three in the showpiece against a Milan side we had no business beating, writing ourselves deeper still into European lore.  The late Sakho-Lovren double act to rescue a grim looking Europa League deficit, while a beautiful moment, was ultimately made moot because Unai Emery was waiting in the final, nine fingers on a bauble he personally owns.  Successful finishing kicks are capstones that rubber-stamp wow footballing moments as truly transcendent, as campaigns ending in glory are the ones etched into the books.

Getting knocked out of the FA Cup this season was admittedly sweet for them because they hate us and we hate them, but it was rubber-stamped because they went on and won the trophy.¬† Otherwise it’s just a highlight reel to no real end, just white noise, a flash moment in a sea of them.¬† Gerrard’s iconic strikes against West Ham or Olympiakos wouldn’t be iconic if we’d gone on and lost in extra time or missed tournament¬†qualification, just like Allison’s headed winner vs West Brom would be much duller if we hadn’t clinched a top four berth off it.¬† Our 4-3 aggregate win over Barcelona was minted because we took home that shiny sixth.¬† Conversely, Tottenham’s greatest nights in their modern history (taking out City and Ajax on the way to the Wanda Metropolitano) ended as a soggy, forgettable microwave dinner that nobody touched.¬† No closing kick.

We can debate what we want about where clubs finish in the league vs silverware won, but at the end of the day we all want to get something, anything, rubber effing stamped.¬† It’s the currency of today, and because history and legacy will always¬†matter, it’s the currency of yesterday and the currency of tomorrow.¬† Villa got top four.¬† They won’t win the Champions League next season but they could very well drop a tier¬†and we know what Emery can do from there.¬† Arsenal missed out on the league but made top four; it’s not inconceivable they finally win¬†the big one in Europe one of these seasons.¬†¬†Man Utd salvaged their year with a trophy (and managed to push Chelsea into steerage aka “conference” class and Newcastle out of Europe altogether) while¬†defeating their¬†two biggest rivals en route, possibly saving a very poor manager’s job to boot.

And look at us.¬† We nabbed a trinket in a rebuild year, perhaps the “least consequential” of the cups but yet more silverware nonetheless, of which Spurs’ or Everton or Toon supporters would bite your hand off for.¬† We’ve also finished top four and I reckon whenever we’re in Europe we’re one of the few that can realistically look to win it.¬† Why ?¬† Because we are amongst the handful of clubs that have true¬†bonafides, a proven record, that old¬†money, decades-spanning history, what you might call “dna” or heritage, and one thunderbastard of a closing kick.
Eric, Los Angeles¬† CA¬† (I thought Atalanta might beat Leverkusen, didn’t write in.¬† Thought Utd might beat City, didn’t write in.¬† Thinking Dortmund might beat Madrid this wknd.¬† Will have my chef add crow to the menu.)


Sanch dressing
Just seen an interview with Benni McCarthy where the subject of Sancho came up.

In his words, Sancho refused to apologise because: “I ain‚Äôt apologising because if I do, I‚Äôm apologising for being lazy, always being late, not giving my best. That‚Äôs what I‚Äôm apologising for.”

I thought this was interesting because all he was being accused of by the manager was not training well. The rest is basically an admission of what we’ve also heard from other sources at City and at Dortmund.

He’s a hugely talented player, with great composure in front of goal and some wonderful skill. When he’s playing well, I’d have him in the United and England teams in a heartbeat. I wonder how old he’ll be before he regrets coasting.

By the way, before you crow about him being in the final and supposedly being back to his best… his stats this season are 20 games, 3 goals and 2 assists. Rashford is on 38 games, 7 goals, 4 assists.
Badwolf (Again)


Euro predictions
Now the club football season is behind us and all the who had a better season chat is getting abit dull, it’s time to look forward to the Euro’s.

According to some UK bookmakers, England are 3-1 favourites to win the Euro’s.  Now we 100% have a good chance, but favourites?  Not for me, France are superior to any other team in the competition and should win it.  Portugal look strong so second favourite’s, then I’d personally put England just behind these two.

Top scorer at the tournament could be interesting.  I always look at players that take penalties, so Kane, Mbappe, Ronaldo would be my choice.  I think Kane might well take the honour.

There usually is a dark horse that does quite well in these tournaments and goes much further than anticipated.  Croatia and Czech Republic are quite well known for it now.  In this tournament I think Hungary could well be that team, that make it to the quarter/semi finals.

Flop of the tournament, can take you pick, Germany as hosts, Spain, Holland look like prime candidates to me.

As with these kind of predictions I could be completely wrong, I usually am.

Interested to see what other contributors to the mailbox/ comments section have to offer in their thoughts of how the Euro’s will play out.



How does Grealish get away with it?
I saw some numbers for Jack Grealish, and they were not pretty. He has done very badly all things considered for a 100 Million Pound player. Yet, it seems to go under the radar from both fans and the media.

In 36 appearances this season, he has 3 goals and 3 assists. That was enough to be in the squad to go to the Euros with England.

Contrast this with Marcus Rashford, who by no means had a good season, but when compared with Jack, looks much better. In 43 appearances he has 8 goals and 5 assists. He will not be going to the Euros despite having over double the output with one third more of the minutes. Even the 17 year old debut season Rashford outdid those numbers.

When comparing¬†this season’s¬†Rashford with Grealish’s numbers from the Treble last year – the one in which he apparently played¬†well – he had 5 goals and 11 assists in 50 games, with 500 more minutes played than Rashford. That’s 2 extra goal involvements, in 500 minutes more, from Jack’s best City season compared to the one Rashford just had.

Jack’s numbers this year have been actually more comparable to none other than Antony. Who had 3 goals and 2 assists in 38 games, but with 200 less minutes than the boozer in blue. Antony is often labelled as the worst signing in PL history(for reasons understood), but Grealish, who cost 20 million more, had a foundation of playing in England and for Man City for years, is not, despite very similar¬†numbers this season.

Two are berated in the media, told to leave, dropped from international squads, and have their lifestyles questioned, while the other is largely ignored, able to stay at City, kept in the international squad and has his lifestyle praised. No vitriol, hate speak, or demands on Jack’s personal or professional life.

Being part of a winning machine can buy you cover it seems, but rather curious as to why the media is so shy about reporting on this? Why does 1 goal involvement every 5 games make you the worst signing in history, but 1 goal involvement every 4 games for 20 million more playing in a better team not in the discussion?
Calvino (Can’t wait for Gooners to say: Trophies¬†ūüôÉ )


A Jason Wilcox confession
Jason ‚ÄėWindy‚Äô Wilcox was one of my favourite Blackburn Rovers players. As a student in the 1990s I would sign up for the Britannia Music Club every year under Jason‚Äôs name. I‚Äôd claim my free CDs, then by the time they hit me up for the obligatory monthly purchases at full price, I‚Äôd have moved to a new house where I‚Äôd repeat the process. To this day, every time I hear Sgt Pepper or the Best of Belinda Carlisle, I think of Windy and smile.
Martin, BRFC

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