Arsenal conspiracy distracts from how they ‘have not been good enough’ – and Fernandes ‘problem’ emerges

Editor F365 27 Sep 2024 9:04 AM

Arsenal forward Leandro Trossard and Manchester United player Bruno Fernandes

There is no Arsenal conspiracy; and Bruno Fernandes might be bad

The Mailbox has almost completed a whole week of Arsenal discourse, so the emergence of a ‘very real, very expensive Bruno Fernandes problem’ is welcome.

Send your thoughts to theeditor@football365.com.

Midweek musings
– I’d never been able to quite understand why I dislike Oliver as a ref until Thursday morning’s mailer, who is spot on: he looks like he hates football. Explains so much about his pettiness and demeanor.

– Manchester United had a disappointing draw in Europe and there are no mails about it. How far the mighty fall.

– On that, the club have a very real, very expensive Bruno Fernandes problem. Due to his incredible lack of physicality, sacrifices have always had to be made to keep him in the XI for his creativity. When that goes, as it has this season, you have a player who is the worst at pressing, the worst at maintaining possession, the worst at carrying the ball and the slowest on the pitch. It’s a major problem. Zirkzee and Hojland up front?

– Another great email was from Lee: THANK YOU. For all this dross about City being ‘innocent until proven guilty’ and ‘totally exonerated by CAS’ it’s nice that someone actually understands what is happening here. There are literal emails dictating the fraud. City were caught cheating. The only question now is if their lawyers are so good that the courts can’t successfully prosecute them for it. For me it’s like getting caught speeding, but then arguing in court that speed limits are unfair, the camera used isn’t legit and the court system is stacked against you. All that might be true, but you were still over the limit.

– Arsenal fans: calm down and enjoy it. You’re back baby. You were stuck in the Europa League for years and no one cared. People care now. Congrats.

– But…can anyone explain to me why the English PGMOL are all for this ‘pick’ on the keeper routine? You can’t generally do that in football. A defender cannot just step in front of an attacker making a run, when the ball is nowhere nearby. But I’m guessing for drama reasons, we’ve decided keepers are fair game on corners? Why? It’s fundamentally against the rules. Without set pieces, Arsenal don’t really look like much imo. Can Pulis-ball win the league? And if it did for Arsenal, what would Arsene think?
Ryan, Bermuda

Conspiracy? Every team has a grievance list like Arsenal’s
So just to check on the mental health of Arsenal fans: their team is unfairly victimised, but it’s also true (and they are delighted about) their team are physically aggressive and indeed “will nut you.” That refs give them no benefit of the doubt, but they are absolutely delighted that they are fully embracing gamesmanship, time wasting, and indeed ‘Mourinho Football’

Outside of the relative ease in which it is to find decisions that have gone in arsenal’s favour, we need to acknowledge that we all, as fans, don’t notice when we get those calls. And as a fan of a ‘big’ club, I’d also say that even if we do, our own headspace undermines them “as we’d have won anyway”. As a Red, I was ruing (raging!) on more than a few things from the first Merseyside derby last year (LFC won 2:0), only to find when watching the highlights that yep, Konate should have been sent off. In the same way Saka dived last year against Burnley. No contact at all, penalty to Arsenal. You don’t remember as you battered burnley and deserved to win.

But beyond effective memories, I also fundamentally challenge the use of “stats” for these arguments, as by arsenal’s own admission, they aren’t consistently accrued. How is that the basis for logical debate? I mailed in last season about the Brentford – Liverpool game; We had a mailboxer try and attest that LFC were favourably treated as they out-fouled Brentford but received fewer cards. The elementary rebuttal was that LFC lost two players to reckless challenges that hadn’t even been given as fouls, let alone bookings (or contention for a red). Please tell me how any form of argument based on card or foul numbers withstands the most basic of analysis.

But beyond that, I’d double down and say I don’t even think Refs should consistently award cards across a year. We wouldn’t expect teachers in an inner city comp to behave the same way to those in an all girls-private school in hertfordshire. Why do we need refs to manage Fulham v Ipswich in the same way as the very tetchy and heated affair of Arsenal v City? Madness. LFC against Bournemouth had a ludicrous studs into chest challenge on diaz after a 25 seconds. No LFC remonstration with the ref or pushing for a red; Had the same thing happened on 84 minutes with the score at 0:0 i doubt the same player and crowd pressure would have been applied. Context matters.

Paul, Atlanta: yes, every team employs the dark arts. Simon. It’s not gaslighting. Damola, it doesn’t need to be studied as to why we would prefer to see City win a fifth title in a row. The point being raised is Arsenal fans are bleating about their Corinthian spirit being unfairly undone by other teams cheating, when only in some instances will you admit that your own team throws in ludicrous challenges, dives, cheats, blocks and timewastes too. No-one would object to arsenal fans getting frustrated by some odd calls. But an argument of conspiracy is fundamentally dangerous.

Ultimately, I feel Arsenal have not been good enough (yet; they may be this year). It is not going toe-to-toe with city if they throw the last two games of the season, resting players for the treble, and still finish 5 points in front of you. Last year was better, but you’d dropped 20 points by January as Arteta absolutely didn’t ‘Aquilani’ your striker budget by signing someone who’d only score one open play goal, as you struggle to put the ball in the net in several games you absolutely dominated. All this is not being “perfect”. Your run-in showed great resolve, but if we are talking calendar-year, can you give a commentary of your calendar year 2023, because those 12 months show form that should not, and did not win anything.

The other element where you aren’t good enough, is in playing the heel. Rich claims 7 in 8 arsenal red cards are due to a bad process uplifting yellows. Not your team being outright imbeciles? Trossard, already on a yellow, committed a pointlessly aggressive challenge in the middle of the park that could have been a booking in it’s own right; many commentary teams thought that was what it was for. You can loathe city’s dark arts, but they are at least good at them. rotating the fouls. They’d never do what declan did, which was give away a very soft foul, sensibly obstruct the free kick, but then also kick the ball away, then roll around on the floor to get the ref to send off the opposition. The end result was the ref calling them both idiots and booking the pair of them; the most consistent decision across every tier of football for the past 50 years.

TG, Arsenal. It does somewhat undermine your argument that there’s a secret society plotting to ensure Man City win the league (outside of their 115 charges), when City fans could quite easily give you a list of bonkers decisions they themselves have received, not least in the game that has literally just happened. But beyond that, when in a rivalry with LFC, you’ll remember the meme’s about Pep’s “twice!” meltdown amongst several others. levenshulme blue may take a step away from his dubious accounting emails to provide a commentary, but speaking as an LFC fan I can definitely think of city examples of their being given short shrift. Every club can list injustices.

A final point, but could you also please articulate why + how the argument you are making (bribing happened once somewhere else, so you’ll need to complete the impossible and prove the absence of a thing here so as to satisfy me) is different to the playbook used by Donald Trump to fundamentally break and undermine every meaningful institution? Or is your abhorrent rhetoric different because you mean well? Just asking, because attribution-error has been a key tenet of Rich AFC and so wondering if it’s a general arsenal fan thing?

Graham Simmons comes across as an advocate for his club and someone just looking for a connection. The rest genuinely come across as either rabidly unhinged or gullible in the extreme.

It’s not arsenal that is boiling our p*ss. It’s Arsenal fans openly admitting a lot of this is Mourinho-esque. Well we’ve been down that road; Mourinho football, without exception, results in a false siege mentality where he incites the mob to direct all frustrations at referees rather than at him, leading to the physical assault of refs, their getting death threats, and on one occasion their family and kids hiding in tears and absolute terror from a braying mob. Great thing to be broadly in favour of, that. Talk of conspiracy is Farage; It’s Trump; It’s just dangerous, untrue, and should be argued against vociferously. And it’s even more frustrating when this is being delivered by a side that has had a brilliant 2024 but a shite 2023; Never have they delivered a truly great season. Please just examine yourselves first before blaming the world and trying to burn our house down.
Tom G

The lady doth protest too much
City fan here. Kept my powder dry this week as I rather suspected what the loudest noises would be shouting. I’ll also preface this by stating that my best mate, whom I’ve known for over 35 years is, and always has been, a rabid Gooner. Of course, back in the day, this involved me ‘supporting’ Arsenal at cup finals etc whilst City largely, remained sh*t. He, naturally, returned the favour whenever there was a Manchester derby or some such. You get the picture.

My clumsy point is, that whilst things have changed dramatically for both our clubs over the last ten years or so, we’re still able to discuss our teams without the tribalistic bullsh*t that permeates SM and especially the kind of which we’ve been subjected to in the various mailboxes this week.

We were texting during the game and when Trossard copped his red I said, (and to mis-quote Reeves & Mortimer), “Ffs, some of your lot Just Will Not Let This Go.” And so, depressingly, it has proved.

Now, if anybody reading this wants to reach out and email F365, then that’s fine. After all, it’s the MC who will decide what gets printed and what doesn’t. But I do have to wonder how much time the likes of Rich AFC spent on researching the stats for his mail in Wednesday afternoon’s mailbox. Quite impressive in its own way, but I can‘t help when reading (or ploughing through) it, that it’s the football fanatic equivalent of “The lady doth protest too much.”

Further, and whilst I wouldn’t dare to speak on anybody else’s behalf, I’d like to kindly remind (in this case) the likes of Rich and Tom Leyton that I got your general points the first time around. I didn’t need you to double-down on them. Again, it’s entirely your right to write in whenever you wish, and about whatever you like. But I’m also compelled to tell you that whenever a ‘conspiracy’ is either implied or stated outright, I’m afraid I just switch off immediately. Sorry chaps.

Anyway, to the game. I was genuinely surprised at how much needle it contained. No doubt hoodwinked by the obvious respect between the managers. That said, I rather enjoyed it. One of my favourite football ‘moments’ was Keown v Van Nistelrooy so was quite happy with the ‘attitude’ from Haaland and especially his crack at Arteta. Very much less impressed with his ‘pops’ at Gabriel Jesus mind.

Calafirori’s goal though, wonderful. Just exceptional. As was Arenal’s defence for a ridiculous amount of time. But so too was Haalands and City’s ability to find the equaliser at the end, however scrabbled it was.

Overall, it was a fair result.

Except to the Arsenal mailer who wrote “We’re back baby!” I’m verry sorry but, until you’ve won something, you just aren’t.
Mark (Haaland didn’t smash an axe in the back of his head, he bounced REPEAT bounced a ball off it. And it’s still funny). MCFC.

He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy
If goals per game were the sole measure of greatness, then Erling Haaland might become greatest footballer of all time on his current trajectory. After all, his stats suggest he’s rewriting the record books with each goal. But here’s the thing—being a footballer isn’t just about finishing. It doesn’t necessarily mean Haaland is a “great” footballer, or even a “good” one in the holistic sense. Ever seen him in a rondo?

Let’s zoom in on one telling stat: touches per game. Thanks to my trusted AI assistant, I can easily compare Haaland’s 2023/24 average of 21 touches per game to Lionel Messi at the same age. Messi, a staggering 80-90 touches per game. Yeah, that’s not even close.

So big man, maybe pump the brakes on the GOAT style arrogance and stay humble eh?
Kiarian

Found myself nodding along as I read humble Harold’s mail about Haaland but it wasn’t until the end that it really clicked. Everything he said is correct, Haaland will sit comfortably top of almost every goal scoring record when he’s done and his trophy count will dwarf many actual clubs, but it’s just not that thrilling to see.

Haaland, and before him Cristiano Ronaldo, are to me very similar players. Obviously there’s the phenomenal level of talent that I could only dream of having, and it’s combined with athleticism and strength and just relentlessly silly goal numbers, but it’s still watching a mortal man. Without wanting to bring back the tiresome Messi/Ronaldo debate, I’d say it never was a debate. Messi did things I couldn’t comprehend, things I could barely begin to wrap my tiny brain around as the ball stuck to his foot and he glided round the pitch, sitting world class defenders down before scoring another outrageous goal. Haaland is big and he’s strong and he’s quick and his finishing is on another level, but I can make sense of everything he does. I could never understand Messi, I could only watch in awe, and that’s where I think the key difference is.

I’m sure Man City fans don’t care though and whichever Spanish giant he eventually ends up at will also probably be fine with having the big goal scoring robot instead of a little wizard, but I know what I’d rather pay to watch.
Manjo, LFC.

Amidst the furore surrounding Haaland chucking the ball at whoever the defender was (Gabriel’s?) head and calls for him to be sanctioned, let’s remember Saint Alan of Shearer sneakily getting Roy Keane sent off by doing exactly the same thing. He threw the ball at the back of Keane’s head knowing full well what reaction he’d get. Sure enough Keane swung a roundhouse and got sent off. Not even a yellow for Shearer.Such a shame he missed…!
James CAFC

Some answers
Dear Editor

It is absolutely easy to understand why anyone related to Arsenal boils everyones p*ss so much, It is because Arsenal fans, players and manager are all the undisputed heavyweight champions of the world at whinging and moaning. They just refuse to stop even when there is nothing to whinge about.

They just whine as much as a car’s differential that has completely run out of grease and it’s reached a stage where it’s just as irritating as hearing a mosquito whine in the middle of the night as you are trying to sleep. I sincerely hope that this puts it into perspective.

Best Regards
Nitin

Sanctimonious, self-righteous, thin-skinned and wanting credit for minimal achievements. Keir Starmer and Arsenal are a match made in heaven.
Matthew

The Letter of the Law is an ass
Lots of ‘Letter of the Law’ nonsense being bandied about in the mailbox this week.

If there was simply a letter of the law to be obeyed we wouldn’t need judges to decide on sentencing. Just feed the crime into a computer (a bookies supercomputer could do the trick – might as well find a useful purpose for them), out pops the sentence, take him away. Job done and we can do away with those stupid wigs (although a supercomputer with a wig on might give the proceedings a bit of gravitas).

Judges (and referees) need to use subjective discretion. For example Haaland throwing the ball at Gabriel was hilarious (and I’m an Arsenal fan). By the letter of the law yeah, maybe a yellow card but that’d be stupid. ANybody who has played sport at any level should instinctively know that the common sense reaction to that is to unofficially allow Gabriel one free reducer in retaliation the next time he gets a chance.
Conor MAlone, Donegal.

Have the reffing chickens come home to roost?
With all this whining about the quality of English referees I can’t help but wonder if it is Sky’s and the fans’ fault. We have had 30 years of referees’ trial by slow-mo and freeze frame. Ex-players, presenters, and reporters all using both of these tools to point out “obvious” errors, which gave us VAR and still no one agrees. Worse yet we have ex-pros, who I’m told I have to tolerate because they have played the game, regularly demonstrating they don’t understand the rules of the game.

So you add up 30 years of this and you have to wonder if all this criticism, combined with dangers of grass roots reffing, means that only the focused refs make it to the top. By focused I don’t mean talented just those with the guts to push through because they love the game or it is their only route to fame.

If I am right, and that is a big if, this could take a generation to put right. Starting with presenters understanding their duty to the game, then all footballers from Sunday leaguers to elite pros accepting the ref is doing the best they can… then maybe someone with think it is worth effort to study, keep fit, and work hard to get out of bed on a Sunday morning in the hope they can reach the FA Cup final.
Paul (who’d be the ref in the middle) Rhodes

Hit the road, Jack
The IPhone is older than Arsenal’s goalkeeper on Wednesday night.

That’s ridiculous.

But take a bow Jack Porter.
Graham Simons, Gooner, Norf London

Drives me round in his JCT
Having seen the speculation this summer about Jean-Clair Todibo moving to one of the European super clubs (or Manchester United) for upwards of £40m, whilst also not having ever seen him play for Nice, I was looking forward to seeing him playing.

Whoa, what an agent this guy has. That has to one of the worst performances from an ‘elite’ centre half. Can’t pass, can’t move very well and the crowning glory was the deflection for the 5th Liverpool goal – not only turning his back but also cowering down in case it hit him.

If he gets another game for WHU before he finishes his loan and heads back to the French Riviera, they will be in a lot of trouble.
J Belfast

The problem with J-Lo
As I watched the Hammers lurch from aimless incompetence to full self-destruction on Wednesday night, the root of our problem and the likely conclusion dawned on me. Its jeans.

J-Lo likes to sport a pair of blue jeans on the touchline. This is not your normal attire for football manager, it makes me very uncomfortable. Managers should all fit into three distinct categories: Suit, Tracksuit, and Pep-elegance.

As I sat awaiting the inevitable deluge of goals in the Hammers net, I considered other jean-wearing managers.

Jesse Marsch at Leeds. That man could rock a pair of tight jeans like no one else.
Record: P37 W11 D5 L16

This doesn’t look good.

Gareth Ainsworth at QPR. Jeans were mandatory for his rock schtick
Record: P28 W5 D4 L19

God help us.

Alvarez gets sent off. Here we go.

I get desperate to find a successful jean-wearing manager. This research is proving challenging. I’m now scraping the barrel of fashion websites, which is at least proving better than watching this shellacking. Jeans, and especially those of the blue variety, are almost non-existent amongst football managers. The only other picture I’ve found is a collage of Wenger in various attire, with one of him in later years wearing blue jeans. I can only conclude this was well after the wheels fell at Arsenal.

We’re done. Either J-Lo switches to a suit or tracksuit, or this ends very badly.

(BTW, The Liverpool love-in by Sky’s commentary team was absolutely disgusting. Carragher on co-comms, Redknapp in the studio. Even the only Hammers representative was Nolan)
// Phil The Hammer, Norway

Mailbox Bruno Fernandes

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