Mails on sh*thouse Sergio and another all-English CL final…

Date published: Thursday 27th February 2020 8:29 - Ian Watson


Send your mails to…


City are back
Doesn’t matter that this (transitional) Real isn’t the Real of Zizou’s first stint – this result would have been an absolute statement even without the FFP judgement hanging over City.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say it reaffirms City as favs for the CL (a great result, but not a mindblowing performance), but it certainly shows the desire hasn’t been lost by Pep or players.

In terms of other teams (with a chance):

Bayern: As happy in London as a soldier in a brothel, but hard to judge them given opposition they’ve faced was Frank Lampard’s (1st season) Chelsea and Mourinho’s (part season) Tottenham.

Dortmund: a delight in terms of policies/ethics/talent/support etc but always feel like they’ll (again) flatter to deceive.

PSG: lol. Let’s be honest, we’re all looking forward to the close ups of Neymar’s face when they inevitably get dumped out again.

Liverpool: Absolutely no more complete team. But motivation having won it last year? If they’re still in it after League is wrapped up I’d have them joint favourites with City (and goodness a tie between them would be feisty and tasty as f*ck).

Juventus: If they realize they’re making the same mistake with CR7 that Argentina have always made with Messi – moulding team around him/depending too much on him, rather than treating him as 1/11 who happens to be a genius, then they have a decent chance.
Calum, Scotland


…One of those games where I start it supporting one team and end it supporting the other. Great comeback by City and Ramos’ red card was lovely icing.
Aidan, Lfc (made a deal with a mate that if Lfc could win the league, City could have Big Ears – didn’t work last year, but maybe this time)


What is Ramos?
I’ve been a fan of his for years and years. But honestly need an answer to a question, what position does Sergio Ramos actually play?

In most circles he’s a defender but last night I saw him in the opposition box more than most midefielders yet he also had a goalline clearance. And it’s not exclusive to last night, he does it so so so many times and gets last minute goals and headers from corners.

But just for a last piece of evidence, could you honestly expect a GOOD defender to be sent off a record amount of times?

Seriously, what position does Sergio Ramos play? Before we get onto the debate of which position SHOULD he play?
Anna (What’s Spanish for John O’Shea?)


Top 26
Can we get a ranking/rundown of all Ramos’ red cards please @f365?

What a beautiful shithouse
Dermot, Accra, Ghana




Mute commentators
Of course, I was not exactly ecstatic about the Chels going 0-3 down in the tie but, realism was on full alert and I did’t think it was as bad as it could have been.

But, my eye, please let me switch off the awful commentary. Martin Tyler, bless his heart, has no place in a commentary box. If he’s not reading his incessant stats from “it’s been 734 minutes, if memory serves me right … to reading his pre-prepared nonsense “There is Kepa, a Fallen Hero on the bench” and then talking over Bayern’s first shot on goal and then the asinine “I wonder if Lampard had a word with Neuer about his insistence in 2010 that the ball was not over the line” when the game is going on. And that’s just the first ten minutes. That included at least a five-minute VAR monologue when VAR hadn’t even been involved.

Thank god that Stuart Robson finally interrupted him at one point with “I’m sorry, Martin, but …. (F*ck dude, you need to shut up)” and hooray for that.

My wife posited that maybe he doesn’t know or can’t relate to what is actually unfolding on the pitch in front of him., and I agree. He can’t understand formations nor tactics, so he retreats to his stats and his cards, and stating the obvious: “Kimmich. Knabry. Fuller. to Knabry. Coman,” and then a completely irrelevant side story until back to “Kimmich. Knabry. Fuller. to Knabry. Coman,”

He’s not the only culprit, but the most recently annoying. Mumbling, stats-happy, want-to-get-your-story-in commentators are rife. I don’t want to change them out, I want to tune them out. So please, all channels, learn from Amazon and give us the option for the crowd, the atmosphere, and selective voices we can choose, or choose not, in most cases, to hear.

Whoever the ass was commentating in the Real Madrid v Manchester City game today of course went along with the idiot narrative. Around 55 minutes “City are in control of this” (RM score) – around 65 minutes “City need to go all out for the all-important away goal, just like at kick-off” (a 0-1 Man City win and the “away goal” means nothing). At 80 minutes “Man City need to regroup back home to overcome this loss” and what happens? 1-2 City. Shut yer noise. You know how stupid you look, Mr. Commentator? All of you, take a moment to look at yourselves.

Why don’t we pay the commentators commensurate with how many people tune them in/out. Fair?

Do any of the readers have commentators they feel add to the game they are watching? There must be many. I just don’t hear them very much.

And how do you get into this business? I’d love to go to a football game, spend 90 minutes or so reading from cards and stating the obvious and go home with a paycheck in the mail? Where did I do wrong?
Steve, Los Angeles


YouTube players
Interesting question from Stephen Cooper, can’t wait to see which players appear in the mailbox who are “Highlight Reel” type players, for me Ricardo Quaresma has always been that player, great for a YouTube video, has the tricks and flicks, yet just not great when you watch for a whole 90 minutes, I infamously remember his loan spell with us at Stamford Bridge, dreadful.
Mikey, CFC


VAR corner
Have to agree to disagree with Dylan there. How was it a the refs decision to overturn it when he gave a yellow card for the Alonso foul then a few minutes later we see VAR review pop up on the screen and Alonso sent off 30 seconds later? The ref had made his decision on the foul given a yellow card (the correct decision) then had it changed by VAR and I know that it is two different competitions but to say you cannot compare Alonsos red to Maguire and Lo Celso ? Why not it’s still football at the end of the day, the game has the same rules when it comes to violent conduct and all three red cards were for violent conduct so that doesn’t make too much sense. If Maguire and Lo Celso are not given red cards how can Alonso and Son see red for the same or less grievous fouls? I just want consistency either send them all off or leave them all on the pitch but don’t do half and half. It also doesn’t help that it was Marcos Alonso who is the closest thing we have to a beautiful shit house bull in a China shop player since Diego left added to the fact Lewandowski struggles to stay on his feet in a strong breeze I think your being blinkered. Also for everyone talking about the wolves corner offside debacle, the player was not offside directly from the corner as everyone is making out he was offside from the return ball to the corner taker. Yes the ball went backwards meaning he was actually at a disadvantage standing offside but that doesn’t change the fact he was offside when the ball was kicked and ran back from said offside position to collect the ball I don’t get what is so hard to understand about that.
Aaron. CFC. Ireland.


…So VAR. Strap a tablet to the ref. They can just send him whatever footage he asks for from the VAR centre, and he can make a decision in 5, 10 seconds. They probably have the funds to come up with a decent strap. They can still help him with with the decision, and show him the footage they think he should see. The main ref should have the final say, but they seem to be scared to make the big decisions now, even though they usually do have by far the best view, experience, and feel for the situation since it’s live and all.


Offside confuson
I refer in the first instance to m’learned friend Paul, Chichester’s missive regarding offside. He complains of “happy amateurs using access to a little information to become experts…” He then proceeds to say “It is correct that one can technically be offside from a corner (indeed, a throw in is the only set play with an offside exemption explicit in the laws)”.

May I, through your august pages, please inform him that perhaps he’d be better off examining the laws himself.

Indeed it is true that you cannot be offside from a throw-in. However, it is not the only set piece from which you are free of the offside shackles.

Law 11.3 states clearly:

There is no offside offence if a player receives the ball directly from: a goal kick, a throw-in, a corner kick.

So, no offside from a corner, no defending team standing on the half way line unless they’re a bunch of half-wits.

I ask m’learned friend (hereinafter to be referred to as Happy Amateur) to cease and desist from pontificating on issues of which he has no knowledge.

My consultation bill is in the post.

Thank you m’lud,

Rory Johnston GUFC, LFC


…I’m not usually one to write in highlighting the errors of others (I’ve made more than enough of my own) but Paul from Chichester spends a few paragraphs ridiculing ‘happy amateurs’ passing themselves off as experts, leading to a ‘brain drain’.

He then, after researching the subject, sets himself up as an expert and asserts that a throw in is the only set play you can’t be offside from.

The laws explicitly give the two other situations you can’t be offside from.

Best of luck to the people he gives legal advice to.
Another Paul


Stephen’s football dream reminded me of a couple of my own. Recently I had a dream that Pep Guardiola had committed a crime, and I had to track him down and arrest him. I won’t say what the crime was, for fear of legal retribution, but it was one of the bad ones (no, not a breach of FFP).

I also once dreamt that I was playing a game of football against the Mexican national team in my parent’s kitchen. It made total sense at the time. Anyone else got a weird footballing dream?
Mike, LFC, London

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