Man City and Man Utd are ‘mere vessels for ego and soft power’

Not just the worst Manchester derby for years, but one of Our Football’s worst games for years.

Amusement at both Manchester clubs being hapless is unconfined, so when they play each other this badly, there is much to amuse because the pricking of the arrogant entitled or privileged is always a delight for everyone else. And this was high on the cack scale.

United look like they’ve never seen a corner before, and appear to have the grit and courage of a milk pudding. City seem to think there’s points for pointless passing and throwing yourself to the ground as if there’s been a human rights abuse. Pathetic. Embarrassing. Pitiful. Two teams lacking belief or much of anything else, playing a boring game. If either side was half-decent they’d have won it 5-0.

Ruben Amorim’s Sporting beat City handsomely. There was never a chance his new team of shi**ers would do that, though City gave them plenty of opportunity. No amount of the screaming of names or pretentious analogies by Peter Drury made it any better.

MORE ON MAN CITY v MAN UTD FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions from Man City 1-2 Man Utd – Amad changes the story, but what if Pep really is done?
👉 Three short minutes of Manchester United passion enough as Manchester City get what they deserve
👉 ‘That’s why Ruben Amorim got the job’: Roy Keane believes Man United boss is ideal for Amad Diallo

Schadenfreude. Pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune is more common in football than elsewhere.

There is joy in the failure of the entitled just as there was widespread delight at the defenestration of the vapid, blank-eyed turnip head Liz Truss, someone so intellectually adrift that she should never be allowed a pair of scissors, let alone the levers of power. And joy at the ousting of Jacob Rees-Mogg, living proof that affecting a ludicrously mannered, not even posh, accent will fool plenty of people into deference and humiliating obsequies and brainwash them into repeatedly voting against their own interests. The ruling class’s most useful of idiots.

When these two teams were sweeping all before them, they seemed very unattractive, except to those who slavishly follow success around like an especially pathetic puppy, also known as television executives. Now they’re rubbish, they are no more appealing. Coming across as vacant spoiled kids who look fed up because they didn’t win the pass-the-parcel at the party. A low pain threshold collective for whom whining has replaced trying.

Then, of course, it’s political. The attempts to sell autocracy as nothing to worry about for those of us that are not subject to its abuses are unforgivingly crass, but seem to be bought into by the naive or unaware. We’re back to the ruling class’s most useful idiots, I suppose.

Then there’s the billionaire ownership’s dictatorial, selfish idiocy which sees 250 staff laid off, Christmas bonuses cut, packed lunches for match-day staff abolished – hardly a great expense in comparison to the players’ grotesque you-could-never-spend-it-all remuneration – yeah, why not cut free coach travel to cup finals as well, the players need the money to ease the pain of existence and of having to play for United and of course ticket prices are hiked. You want to see this lot of losers play? Then cough up. This isn’t a charity, mate oh, unless you’re in what Dion Fanning brilliantly and accurately called ‘the politburo of bullshit’, constantly cocking everything up and rewarding themselves for doing so.

So the score on Sunday was 2-1 to United. But both lost. Best league in the world? Remember games like this when you hear that vacuous claim, usually made by people unfamiliar with any other league. ‘Best remunerated’ was the only contest these teams won. United’s win was not deserved, unlike City’s loss. The failure to be any good on both sides is visible, the mistakes constantly glaring, their inadequacy laid bare, time and again. They are both trying to cut their way through the season with the blunt blade of mediocrity.

The thing we all dread is that their crapulence will end. We’ve not finished rubbing either of their noses in it yet.

All the money and privilege they have enjoyed and how it has culturally warped football, while pretending the money and privilege is nothing to do with their phases of dominance, can’t wholly counteract terrible executive decisions and player failure. We should be glad of that.

I must say, the relative impotence of Erling Haaland gives me special joy. A lumbering, gurning, wardrobe of terrible hair, skin and meat, that can’t seem to play football, despite being employed as a footballer, whose goals hide his lack of ability to contribute anything else meaningful…these recent weeks have nakedly exposed his inadequacies. Not even the best goalscorer anymore? What are you even for, again?

This will just be a phase. Everything is just a phase. They will both be dominant again at some point. Too much is invested in them for it to be otherwise. And both will pretend it is still nothing to do with throwing money around and being able to afford to fail.

In a week in which FIFA paraded its moral and environmental corruption, they are both embodiments of football’s self-regard and bloated governance, widely held to be despicable. Neither are clubs as we understand it, they’re businesses and not very good ones at that. Supporters have to rely on the habits built up over generations or pretend some other truth exists. The organisations hold their public in contempt. They proved it time and again. They are mere vessels for ego and soft power. They can’t fail for too long. We love it.

MORE ON MAN CITY v MAN UTD FROM F365:
👉 16 Conclusions from Man City 1-2 Man Utd – Amad changes the story, but what if Pep really is done?
👉 Three short minutes of Manchester United passion enough as Manchester City get what they deserve
👉 ‘That’s why Ruben Amorim got the job’: Roy Keane believes Man United boss is ideal for Amad Diallo