Man United’s lack of ‘talent’ and Thiago’s tackle flaw

Date published: Wednesday 23rd September 2020 11:58

Man United, Liverpool, Thiago (who cannot tackle) and more in today's Mediawatch...

Man United, Liverpool, Thiago and more in today’s Mediawatch…


Value added lax
The Sun
have an explanation for Manchester United being unable to compete with Liverpool and Manchester City. Is it the under-qualified manager? Obviously not as Ole Gunnar Solskjaer ‘needs’ to stay at the club because of DNA and sh*t.

They have REVEALED the answer:

‘Man Utd have world’s seventh most valuable squad behind Liverpool and Chelsea.’

And now apparently it’s ‘clear why’ they have struggled to compete with Liverpool and Manchester City ‘with United’s squad nowhere near as talented as the pace-setters’.

Indeed. What chance do United have with a squad bought for almost £150m more than Liverpool’s? Handily, transfermarkt also keep those figures alongside their ‘market values’, and they show that while United have a squad now valued at just £49m more than their purchase prices (presumably because of Marcus Rashford and Mason Greenwood being ‘free’), Liverpool have added almost £460m of ‘value’ to their squad. That’s quite a difference.

So a Liverpool squad bought much, much more cheaply was 33 points better than Manchester United last season. And you think it’s because those more expensive United players are ‘nowhere near as talented’? Yep. That will definitely be all of the explanation.


Right in front of my face…
It’s the sort of headline that could only appear on MailOnline (and not just because it is f***ing massive):

‘Manchester United have no defence for spending £182m on a bloated band of lacklustre centre-backs – including forgotten men Jones, Bailly, Rojo and Smalling – so what can Solskjaer do to finally plug his leaky backline?’

Now United were defensively poor against Crystal Palace, but ‘finally plug his leaky backline’?

Pesky fact: Manchester United have conceded 16 goals in 19 Premier League games in 2020. Only Manchester City have fared better defensively while Liverpool have fared rather a lot worse.

What can Solskjaer do to finally plug his leaky backline?


People are desperate for a Manchester United transfer update so Metro must have expected this story to fly:

‘Ole Gunnar Solskjaer provides transfer update after Man Utd’s win against Luton’

These are the actual Ole Gunnar Solskjaer quotes:

“Let’s see what happens. We’ll give you updates if there is something.”

So the ‘transfer update’ is literally that there is no update but updates will come when updates can be made.

Thanks. For. That. Enjoy the clicks.


Pold me close
Over at the Mirror website, they know that teasing ‘updates’ is amateurish fare when you can intimate that transfer plans have actually changed. Over to you, King of the Clicks Jake Polden…

‘Ole Gunnar Solskjaer suggests Man Utd transfer plans have changed after Ed Woodward update’

When the opening line is ‘Ole Gunnar Solskjaer appeared to confirm Manchester United’s transfer plans have changed following an update from Ed Woodward’, you sense that there is some serious nonsense incoming. ‘Appeared to confirm’ is shorthand for ‘I have just made this sh*t up’.

And so it comes to pass that Polden takes these (non)quotes…

“We’re working with the ones we have. Let’s see what happens. We’ll give you updates if there is something.”

…and decided that Solskjaer has somehow ‘revised his stance’ on transfers after reading Ed Woodward’s downbeat programme notes on Saturday.

Because he’s definitely not just pig-sick of answering the same sodding questions about the same sodding thing.


This is the LATEST show
Mind you, at least the Mirror did not put this headline on a live transfer blog…

‘Transfer news LIVE: Dele Alli in PSG talks, Mbappe LATEST with Liverpool and Real Madrid interest, Luis Suarez updates’

…and then literally never mention Kylian Mbappe once.

The LATEST there from The Sun.


No alarms, no surprises
For Liverpool fans desperate for any update on Thiago, the Express are here with this absolute doozy of a story:

‘Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp will have ‘alarm bells screaming’ for Thiago problem in debut’

He seemed quite happy but go on.

While acknowledging that ‘he completed 75 successful passes after coming off the bench, which ranked as the most completed in one half in a Premier League match since records began’ (it didn’t, but go on), the Express have some bad news for the double Champions League winner: Kenny Cunningham is not impressed.

Here are some truly delicious quotes from the former Irish international defender and one-time Championship winner:

* “I think he will get game time, don’t get me wrong, to a certain extent in Champions League, cup games and certain league games.”

* “That challenge he made for the penalty, you can’t just close your eyes to that. That kind of decision-making, really, the alarm bells are screaming there. If I’m the manager or a player and I’m seeing that, I’m thinking ‘wow’.”

* “When the big games come along, when it really kind of matters, when we need somebody there who we can trust, be disciplined, see danger, sense danger, make good decisions, when to stay at your feet, when to go to ground and actually how to tackle.”

* “I don’t think technically, he actually understands how to tackle.”

He made more tackles than any other Bayern player when he won the actual Champions League final just a few weeks ago, but sure, all of the alarm bells are screaming (for anybody who presents these bizarre quotes as news).


Babel fishy


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