Man Utd beat Arsenal but now Reds are having ‘nightmare’ and Gunners set for ‘title bid’

Things can change so quickly in pre-season. Man Utd beat Arsenal on Saturday but now they are having a ‘nightmare’ and Arsenal practically have the title in the bag.

Butchering the English language
To credit The Sun‘s Neil Custis (and that’s not a six-word combination we have ever had cause to write before), he mentions it only in passing in the 17th paragraph as he noted that Jude Bellingham was really rather good in a friendly between Manchester United and Real Madrid.

The only way they could stop him seemed to be to foul him as Lisandro Martinez did on a number of occasions causing him to get a booking and provoking a short melee.

A ‘short melee’, is it? Barely worth a mention.

So what’s top of The Sun football page on Thursday morning?

BELL AND THE BUTCHER Jude Bellingham reveals what Martinez said to him after Man Utd star’s horror tackle on England ace sparked ugly melee

Now the ‘short melee’ has become an ‘ugly melee’ after a ‘horror tackle’ by ‘THE BUTCHER’.

And what did this animal say to Jude Bellingham? Let’s hear it from the horse’s mouth:

“He came over to wish me all the best when he came off.”

The beast.

Arsing around
You might think at first glance that a “little tiff” (Bellingham’s words) between a Real Madrid midfielder and a Manchester United defender would have very little connection to football in London. But then you are not a Trends Writer (probably) for football.london so…

Jude Bellingham and Martin Odegaard agree on Lisandro Martinez following Arsenal controversy

FFS.

Impress yourself
Obviously the real Arsenal focus should be on their own results with the Mirror website splashing thus:

GUNNING FOR GLORY! Arsenal win eight-goal thriller against Barcelona without Rice as Arteta’s side continue impressive pre-season ahead of Premier League title bid.

Pesky fact: They lost 2-0 to Manchester United on Saturday and have conceded five goals in their last two games.

The title is pretty much in the bag.

Holding position
Arsenal centre-half Rob Holding posted the words ‘Nice one’ on Instagram after that 5-3 win over Barcelona, though he soon deleted them, suggesting that it was probably an accident. After all, it sounds rather more like a reply than a post.

But he’s a footballer and it was an Instagram post so…

‘Arsenal star Rob Holding in cryptic Instagram post after being brutally trolled over horror error against Barcelona’ (The Sun)

‘Rob Holding appears to hit out at haters after his blunder against Barcelona’ (Metro)

‘Rob Holding sends cryptic Instagram message amid Arsenal transfer exit links’ (football.london)

According to the latter, ‘It remains to be seen who or what exactly Holding was referring to, with the former Bolton defender clearly frustrated after his mistake.’

‘Clearly.’

Captain, my captain
Talking about eking clicks from pre-season friendlies, here are The Sun again…

Chelsea 1 Newcastle 1: Pochettino picks new captain as £32m signing Nicolas Jackson finds net again before Almiron goal

Quick quiz: Did Pochettino a) pick a new captain or did he b) name Reece James as captain of an inexperienced side in a pre-season friendly?

We’re going to plump for b).

Striker light
Let’s return to Manchester United and that slight problem of having no striker, which was once again exposed against Real Madrid. Or if you’re the Mirror…

Erik ten Hag backtracks on Jadon Sancho tactical plan and ignores Marcus Rashford

Ten Hag ‘backtracked’ by not starting Sancho up front and instead opted for Rashford in that position. Now you might think that means the England man was absolutely not ‘ignored’, but…

…that is not a role that he relishes, having previously revealed which position that he favours…

Yes, left-winger Marcus Rashford prefers to play on the left wing. We absolutely already sodding knew that. And him playing there in a pre-season friendly is not him being ‘ignored’, even if he did send a ‘warning’.

The world is treating me bad…misery
Obviously, that wasn’t just a defeat for Manchester United but ‘a second defeat in 48 hours’ (because we always count the results of Under-21 sides in any losing streak), according to MailOnline, who elsewhere detail ‘a miserable 48 hours for Erik ten Hag’.

He sure did sound ‘miserable’ when he said:

“We stayed in the game until the last minute but conceded the second. Overall, I have seen some good stuff and from this we know we are in the right direction against a good opponent, against a complicated system, I am happy about it.”

Almost sounds like he might be quite happy after creating the same number of chances as the Champions League semi-finalists while having marginally more possession and a better pass completion rate.

Silly Erik, don’t you know that…

Erik ten Hag’s side are handed a reality check in Houston as Jude Bellingham and Joselu show LaLiga giants are a class apart

A ‘reality check’ that Manchester United do not have a striker worthy of the billing. We think Ten Hag might have already been a little bit aware.

Farewell, my lovely
Thankfully for Manchester United fans, they might soon have a new striker. Or at least that’s what the Express would have you believe.

Man Utd transfer news LIVE: Rasmus Hojlund agreement ‘struck’ as farewell message posted

Obviously, the ‘agreement’ is with the player himself – as reported about a week ago (LIVE!) – but what of this ‘farewell message posted’? That’s a massive clue.

Matej Kovar won’t return to Sparta Prague this summer after a successful loan stint last season.

The 23-year-old goalkeeper impressed for Manchester United earlier in pre-season but wasn’t included in the US tour squad.

It led many to believe he was headed back to the Czech Republic, but he has posted a farewell to Sparta, ruling out the possibility.

Oh.