Man Utd ‘HIJACKED’ and ‘humiliated’ because they must be a banter club

Editor F365
Kieran McKenna and Tosin not joining Man Utd.
Kieran McKenna and Tosin not joining Man Utd.

One thing that must ALWAYS be true: Man Utd are a banter club. So the media pretends they have been pied by Kieran McKenna and hijacked by Chelsea…


How will Manchester United ever recover from this ‘humiliation’?
Mediawatch understands that there is traction to be found in painting Manchester United as a banter club but they really need no help with this quest; they are plenty daft enough on their own without pretending they have been pied by the Ipswich Town manager:

Kieran McKenna ‘set to sign new Ipswich deal as Man Utd suffer humiliating blow in bid to replace Ten Hag’

Note the quote marks. Has anybody called this ‘humiliating’ apart from whichever click-greedy sub wrote that headline? Have they f***.

KIERAN MCKENNA could sensationally be set to stay at Ipswich as he edges closer to a new deal, reports suggest.

Not that sensational. But let’s get to the part where Manchester United have been ‘humiliated’ by this…

Man Utd’s new co-owners are said to have held talks with McKenna as part of a four-man shortlist in the event they part ways with Ten Hag.

But now according to The Athletic, McKenna will end speculation on his future by committing to a new long-term contract at Ipswich.

So one member of a four-man shortlist for a job that is not actually vacant has decided to stay in his current role.

Pesky fact: He was never offered the Manchester United job so could never turn down the Manchester United job.

And yet still we are told this is a ‘humiliating blow’. Well it’s certainly embarrassing for somebody…

👉 Ten Hag’s Arne Slot potshot can lead to Man Utd-Liverpool feud if Ratcliffe gets the memo
👉 Five reasons to sack Ten Hag and his ‘caveman’ football for Man Utd
👉 Who will be the next Manchester United manager?


What’s even worse than humiliation?
Talking of Manchester United being a banter club…

Man Utd could be RELEGATED from Europa League after FA Cup triumph

That will be the Mirror, reporting the news that INEOS’ ownership of Nice could cause problems in Europe next season. Or…

Should INEOS fail to resolve the issue, one of their clubs could be relegated to the UEFA Conference League. Usually Nice would maintain their Europa League position due to their higher league finish of fifth, compared to United’s eighth-placed finish. However, it remains to be seen which club, if any, would face the drop down to Europe’s third competition.

Which sounds very much like Manchester United will be RELEGATED, doesn’t it?



It’s Casemiro: Do NOT click
‘Manchester United star told Erik ten Hag he did NOT want to play in FA Cup final’  – Mirror.

(Because he was injured).


And now a HIJACK!
And Manchester United are such a banter club that they risk being HIJACKED. Things just go from bad to worse, don’t they?

Chelsea look to HIJACK Man Utd and Newcastle’s first transfer target as they ‘offer contract’ to Premier League star

The clue is there in The Sun‘s headline that this is Grade A bollocks because you can’t HIJACK (or even hijack) a transfer target for two clubs. No deal has been done so no deal can be hijacked.

Even Dick Turpin couldn’t hijack two carriages holding the same people at the same time.

What has actually happened here is that Sky Sports have claimed that Chelsea have ‘offered a contract to Fulham defender Tosin’.

What has also happened here is that The Sun have remembered that Tosin has previously been linked with Newcastle United but, always more importantly, Manchester United…

The Express – as they are wont to do – go even further…

Man Utd risk first INEOS transfer row as Chelsea ‘take advantage’ of Erik ten Hag saga

Does ‘take advantage’ appear in the story? Nope. Does it appear in the Sky Sports claim that Chelsea have made an offer for Tosin? Nope. Would it surprise you if we said that Sky Sports don’t even mention Manchester United as rivals for Tosin? Probably not.

And yet here we are…

Manchester United risk an early rift among the club’s new-look sporting hierarchy if Chelsea successfully hijack a reported summer target.

They ‘risk an early rift’ if they don’t sign free transfer Tosin from Fulham? Even though there is literally no indication that Manchester United were ever anything more than ‘interested’.

But how silly of Mediawatch to be rational about this complete non-story when this could actually signal a massive, massive issue…

Adarabioyo presents a perfect opportunity to strike a bargain to start an important transfer window positively, and Wilcox could be the one pushing for his Old Trafford arrival.

But suppose United miss out while they’re focusing on Ten Hag’s future. In that case, it might not go down well within the club and among fans, who hope INEOS can stabilise the Glazer family’s chaotic environment.

Yes, we imagine Man Utd fans will be absolutely fuming if they don’t manage to sign Tosin. Remember when Ed Woodward had his house attacked? It will be nothing compared to the rage when the fans realise that a former Fulham defender might join Chelsea on a free transfer instead…


Pseuds corner
‘Enzo Maresca, Chelsea and the chess thesis that explains his football vision’ – The Athletic.

Don’t make us want him to fail.


On the other end of the spectrum…