Man Utd transfer deadline day blah blah blah click click click
If you were thinking that nothing was happening with Man Utd on transfer deadline day then you really are a fool…
Man Utd deadline day blah blah blah
“I am as disappointed as anyone else that people don’t really want to pay for our content online,” bleated the CEO of Reach last week when discussing the future of the Mirror website among all their myriad other titles.
Disappointing and indeed mysterious, fella, because why wouldn’t anybody pay to be hoodwinked into thinking that something is happening when it absolutely isn’t? Sign us up for a subscription to this kind of absolute bullsh*t:
Harry Maguire adamant Man Utd lost another “leader” on transfer deadline day
Man Utd ✔
Transfer deadline day ✔
There’s not even an implication that Manchester United have lost a player on transfer deadline day; it literally says it.
What is not clear is that Manchester United ‘lost’ Axel Tuanzebe (37 senior appearances for Manchester United) on transfer deadline day last year.
And the ‘adamant’ Harry Maguire had actually called him a “leader” two whole years before – long, long before he was ‘lost’.
So the ‘news’ – and it absolutely is sold as news – is that Harry Maguire was very nice about a young Manchester United player three years ago.
Why oh why will people not pay for this?
And there’s not just one example but so, so many examples…
Man Utd could seal deadline day transfer turnaround which sums up Erik ten Hag’s problem
Yes, Amad Diallo could leave Manchester United on loan. Why that’s a ‘transfer turnaround’ when he’s played far more for Sunderland than Manchester United is unclear but, well, Man Utd…deadline day…transfer…Erik ten Hag. The words in between and the hundreds of words below matter not at all.
Jurgen Klopp’s secret meeting with Man Utd star’s agent in January transfer window
Last year. When Sofyan Amrabat was not a Man Utd star (not that he is now).
Dream a little dream
The Express is another Reach title and they have a novel way of mining that Manchester United deadline-day traffic:
Man Utd ease Newcastle FFP woes and Marcus Rashford repeat – Ten Hag’s dream deadline day
We’re told that ‘Erik ten Hag may have gone to bed last night dreaming of not just tonight’s trip to Wolves but also a surprise, last-gasp push for reinforcements’. So who was he dreaming of? Kylian Mbappe? Erling Haaland? Harry Kane?
No. It turns out he dreams small.
Callum Wilson represents an enticing option who is Premier League-proven and experienced enough to act as a worthy short-term mentor to Hojlund.
According to reports, United, Arsenal and Chelsea have all been alerted to the Newcastle United striker’s availability as Eddie Howe battles FFP worries of his own.
Wilson is said to be available for around £18million, but whether Newcastle would willingly part ways so late in the window remains to be seen.
It absolutely doesn’t ‘remain to be seen’; it has been seen; there is no sodding chance.
The 31-year-old also has little hope of improving United’s torrid injury record that has contributed to derailing their campaign. He has missed the last four games with a calf issue.
Yes, that’s why he has ‘little hope of improving United’s torrid injury record’. Not because he is a Newcastle United player.
No news is old news
Yet another Reach title is the Daily Star, and this is the top story on their football homepage on transfer deadline day:
‘I went to sign for Plymouth on Transfer Deadline Day – I ended up joining Man Utd’
In 2015.
But they’re new quotes, right?
Wrong. The move was in 2015 and the quotes are from 2022.
But deadline day and Man Utd innit.
Rash Thursday
‘ERIK TEN HAG has warned wayward star Marcus Rashford to sort his life out,’ begins Neil Custis in The Sun.
It’s a nice line, but in the politest possible terms: Has he f***.
Ten Hag refused to elaborate on the Marcus Rashford situation at all, repeating the words ‘case closed’ several times.
He was then pushed on player discipline in general and said this:
“First of all, the players at this level need to manage themselves. That is what you can demand from the player. The player has to know what is good and not good.
“When you want to play top-level football, it just demands a certain way of life. Always.”
Does that mean that he ‘warned’ one player to ‘sort his life out’. Of course not. But The Sun are balls deep in this story and are not for pulling out, even allowing Piers Morgan to offer his own unsolicited advice.
Next: Mystic Meg predicts what a typical Scorpio would do in his situation.
Bradley would
We’re not saying that Jason Burt got carried away at Anfield on Wednesday night when writing for the Daily Telegraph but…
A star is born. That is always a bold statement to make when it comes to playing for Liverpool, given their stellar history, but that is exactly what Conor Bradley is as he delivered the kind of memorable performance that will be talked about for years to come.
It really does mean more, doesn’t it?