Marcus Rashford ‘silenced his critics’ despite Man United defeat in ‘end-to-end’ derby clash

Editor F365 04 Mar 2024 12:09 PM

Marcus Rashford is as confused as us

The perils of going 75 minutes early about a football match are writ large for the Daily Star, while Ivan Toney races across London in a mere five hours.

Toney award
You will by now be familiar with Mediawatch’s undying fondness for the concept of ‘just hours’ when used to describe football folk doing quite literally anything at all after playing football.

This one from The Sun on Ivan Toney presenting a Brit Award isn’t the most standard use of the practice, but tickled us nonetheless.

Toney presented the Producer of the Year gong to Chase & Status – just hours after featuring in Brentford’s 2-2 draw with Chelsea.

Two reasons this varies from the standard usage. One, presenting a ‘gong’ (textbook tabloidese that, fair play) at a glitzy awards do (see, we can do it as well) is definitely outside the normal range of activities usually covered by ‘just hours’ (smiling, eating, walking, driving a car etc.). And two, there is little sense here of the usual judgemental tone or implication that engaging in such activity is an affront and insult to fans for some reason.

But what that leaves instead is a sense of wonder that Toney managed to make it 15 miles across London in five hours. Even allowing for all the classic gags about traffic in That London, it’s not that wondrous. He could’ve walked it.

But it’s not just The Sun. The Daily Mail are astonished by it all.

Ivan Toney is posed an awkward question by DJ Vick Hope after the Brentford striker races across London following the Bees’ 2-2 draw vs Chelsea to present a BRIT Award to Chase & Status

Races! It was 15 miles in five hours, lads. That’s a very slow race.

The Brentford striker’s appearance at the awards evening left some fans on social media confused, with the 27-year-old racing from the west London derby to present drum and bass duo Chase & Status with the award.

Absolutely not. Any confusion or bewilderment at a man managing to travel 15 miles across London in five hours lies purely with online journalists.

The Mail couldn’t even find a single solitary tweet to show this apparent ‘confusion’. We know that, because this is the best they could do – one entirely unbewildered throwaway comment about it and a 6.5/10 banter from Northampton Town.

Some fans were left a bit bewildered by Toney’s appearance at the awards, with one writing on X (formerly Twitter ): ‘Ivan Toney is presenting the Brits only a few hours after playing Chelsea today… What a crossover’.

Even Northampton Town commented on his appearance, saying: ‘Ivan Toney has become the first @NTFC_Academy product to present a Brit Award #ShoeArmy #BritAwards’.

Confusion reigns.

The Sound of Silence
Writing quick-fire news stories on matches that are still going on is an absolutely brutal and thankless gig at the best of times, but spare a thought for the Daily Star man who had this tale (undeniably impressively) online at 3.43pm yesterday, updated and squared away by 4.20pm, and entirely overtaken by events by 5.20pm.

Marcus Rashford scores Manchester derby screamer to silence his critics

Oh no.

Rashford duly silenced his critics in recent weeks and months as he stunned the Etihad to put Erik ten Hag’s side ahead against Manchester City after just eight minutes in the derby on Sunday afternoon.

Oh no, no, no. We really quite admire that this story wasn’t updated/destroyed in a controlled explosion before the end of the game to reflect the very different reality by that time, and instead left to exist as a relic of a now bygone age for scholars of the future to pore over in wonderment. There’s a kind of integrity to that which you have to cherish.

Anyway, let’s have a quick look around at some other prominent headlines this morning after Marcus Rashford silenced his critics.

In the Daily Mail

RASHFORD FIZZLES OUT: Marcus Rashford exploded into the Manchester derby, then fizzled out… knowing how brilliant he can be only makes the mediocrity all the more unfathomable

And top of the Daily Express football homepage…

Roy Keane ‘not happy’ with Marcus Rashford over Man Utd star’s revelation about family

And top of the Daily Telegraph football homepage…

One screamer, two chances fluffed and an early exit – the enigma that is Rashford

And The Guardian…

Rashford displays his best and most frustrating qualities

And on a website that used to be good…

Marcus Rashford from Man Utd hero back to (near) zero as quality questioned over ‘commitment’

It really was a very brief silence.

End game
The latest entry here in Mediawatch’s new series where words and phrases we thought we understood now apparently mean something else entirely or more often apparently absolutely nothing at all, courtesy this time of the following Daily Mail description of the Manchester derby.

It was an end-to-end match that featured two stunning goals, with Marcus Rashford firing the visitors ahead with a thunderous strike from around 22-yards out for his sixth goal of the season in all competitions.

Sorry, ‘end-to-end match’? In what world was this game even remotely that? We suppose technically this could be considered accurate because City did almost all the attacking towards one end in the first half and then literally all the attacking towards the other end in the second.

These go up to 11
David McConnell in the Mirror is not the first and won’t be the last to forget that fifth place in the Premier League might very well be enough for a place in next season’s rejigged/ruined Champions League, but few have made the mistake as baldly and boldly.

As for United, an 11th Premier League defeat has left them 11 points behind fourth-placed Aston Villa, their hopes of Champions League football seemingly now gone.

But only six points behind fifth-placed Tottenham, who are Tottenham.

That’s Enough Internet For Today Headline of the Day