Dele Alli needs help, not the usual despicable and dangerous reporting from reckless churnalists

Editor F365
Dele Alli celebrates his goal for Besiktas

Dele Alli might be absolutely fine. Dele Alli may need help and support. But one thing is for sure: he deserves so much better than this shameful reporting.


Picture this
It comes as no surprise whatsoever to see the nation’s media jump on the purported images of Dele Alli – to borrow a phrase from almost every outlet reporting on the story – ‘surrounded by gas canisters’.

Props to The Sun website for their absolute honesty in literally writing that ‘it is unclear exactly when or where the photos were taken,’ before recklessly adding that ‘commenters on social media were quick to speculate on what the photo could mean for Alli’s career’.

Congratulations to the MailOnline for describing ‘a table laden with giant bottles of nitrous oxide, also known as ‘hippy crack’,’ when three (or should that be ‘THREE!’?) such containers are visible.

Fair play to the Daily Mirror website for pointing out that ‘other fizzy drinks and bottles of water were also apparent, alongside a pack of playing cards’ in a glorious example of say-what-you-see churnalism.

Hat tip to the Daily Mirror and Daily Express websites for jumping on the search engine bandwagon and producing career retrospectives of Dele Alli.

Not to be outdone, The Sun website have also published this doozy: ‘Dele Alli’s model girlfriend Cindy joins no bra club as she sprawls on bed in nightie’.

And finally, well done to all for a) reluctantly burying the bit where nothing Dele Alli was supposedly pictured doing was illegal, and b) displaying absolutely no journalistic standards nor regard whatsoever to the mental health of a man on his 27th birthday. Pats on the back for everyone.

At least the Daily Telegraph managed to report on the situation while not reproducing the image, as well as echoing concerns around his welfare. Genuinely, good on them for being a responsible, sensible island in a sea of sensationalised, click-hungry, thoughtless and outright dangerous shite.


An update
Oh, and to the MailOnline, who published this at around half 11 on Tuesday morning:

‘That’ll help take his mind off things! Dele Alli’s model girlfriend Cindy Kimberly strips down to her lingerie for sizzling posts amid footballer’s hippy crack shame’

Fuck off you absolute ghouls.


Echo chamber
With Liverpool out of the Champions League and their next Premier League game not until Monday, this midweek is a bit of a dead space for Anfield-based content.

Unless, of course, you are the Liverpool Echo, whose headline to their lead website story reads thus:

‘Liverpool news and transfers LIVE – Gavi move, Roberto Firmino claim, Jude Bellingham latest’

Go on then. That all sounds very interesting indeed.

There is one slight problem, mind: neither Gavi nor his apparent move are mentioned in the live blog. Literally not once. Which makes it a little weird that he provides the crux of the headline and the lead image to the story.

Something vaguely relating to ‘Gavi move’ was finally published in a live blog update at 11.30: news on Chelsea contacting the player’s representatives. Those Liverpool fans waiting all morning for the big story must be thrilled.


Zinch of salt
Over at the Daily Mirror website, they are happy to reveal the ‘reason why Oleksandr Zinchenko burst into tears on Arsenal bench during Liverpool clash’.

It feels fairly straightforward. Why was the man mainly responsible for conceding the goal which could help cost Arsenal the Premier League title so upset? It is a real mystery.

And before we uncover it, it is probably important to note that the first-paragraph downgrade of someone ‘bursting into tears’ to someone ‘appearing to be in tears’.

Anyway, to the important stuff, apparently ‘Zinchenko’s tears stemmed from the fact that the Ukrainian international felt responsible for throwing the game away for Arsenal at such a crucial stage of the run-in’. And the Mirror even link to a talkSPORT story to back up the claim.

Except talkSPORT say no such thing and make no pretence of offering inside information. Perhaps because it was pretty obvious why Zinchenko might be a little upset.


Wrex site
‘Ryan Reynolds threatens to break Ben Foster’s ribs after late drama in Wrexham win’ – Daily Mirror website.

Way to make an obvious joke sound like a bizarrely aggressive and menacing message.

In fact, while we’re on the subject, how about this stunner from The Sun website?

‘Former Prem ace who snubbed Barca scores 1st goal in SEVEN years vs ex-England star’

The former Prem ace? John Bostock, who has literally never once played in the Premier League.

The ex-England star? Ben Foster, who starred in eight games (only one win, in which he came on at half-time) for England.


Villa holiday
Writes Tom Collomosse in the Daily Mail:

‘Yet one of Smith’s finest achievements at Villa was to keep the club in the top flight when all hope looked lost. With four games remaining of the 2019-20 campaign, Villa were seven points adrift of safety.’

They were six points adrift with a game in hand. An impressive feat nonetheless, but not an escape quite that ludicrous.


Jaas queen
‘Ramsdale names forgotten Premier League goalkeeper as his childhood hero’ – Daily Mirror website.

Yeah, who the f**k is ‘Jussi Jaaskelainen’?

Liverpool v Arsenal - Aaron Ramsdale before a match


Roon for improvement
‘Kai Rooney branded ‘future of Man Utd’ as he shares pics of youth game – and fans spot him copying dad’s trademark move’ – The Sun website.

He was branded ‘future of Man Utd’ by no-one. And yeah, you think of Wayne Rooney and the mind automatically wanders to *checks notes* those ‘trademark chest controls’.


The Guus is cooked
It’s standard practice for The Sun to recycle quotes from a Daily Telegraph interview conducted four days prior, but these words from Guus Hiddink really did stand out:

“What I liked about Lampard is that sometimes I had to leave him on the bench or replace him, and he never gave me a bad face. He always accepted my decisions.”

Fun fact: of Hiddink’s 23 games in interim charge of Chelsea during the 2008/09 season, Lampard played the full 90 minutes in 20. He was substituted in the 71st minute of a Champions League semi-final first leg against Barcelona for Juliano Belletti in a tactical call to shore up the defence, and the 66th minute of a 4-3 win over Bolton to rest him for a game in Europe.

Lampard then missed the final game of the Premier League season against Sunderland, perhaps with an eye on the upcoming FA Cup final.

So not once was Lampard named on a Hiddink bench. But credit to him for not giving a bad face when missing 175 of a possible 2,070 minutes and accepting those incredibly rare occasions on which he was deemed important enough to be rested. Give him the permanent manager’s job. Again.


Accidental Neil Ashton of the day
Dave Kidd of The Sun calling Aston Villa’s head of performance analysis and Arsenal’s technical analyst ‘laptop-wielding tactics wonks’.