Just sodding stop it
Hot on the heels of the Daily Mirror’s crucial story about exactly how much Raheem Sterling (or his girlfriend) spends on his wardrobe comes a story from The Sun’s website on Tuesday: ‘Raheem Sterling’s cars: Man City winger drives flashy motors worth over £1 million during his short career.’
Oh good, we’re doing this again. And we’re doing this to Sterling again. This f**king country.
It’s all complete guff of course, but the piece does contain a few choice lines:
‘The popular SUV has a starting price of £47,755, which won’t dent The Citizens stars’ wallet that much. As a seven-seater, should Sterling should the one-time father want to add to his brood (he has a son called Thiago), this is ideal.’
1) ‘One-time father’ makes it sound like something terrible has happened to Sterling’s child.
2) He has two children. Stop getting all your information from his Wikipedia page.
‘Completely unpractical (impractical?) as a city car in Manchester, but class to look at, Sterling’s Mercedes G Class SUV is a pleasure on the eye. And it isn’t cheap either, with a base value of around £150k. We imagine Sterling’s is pimped out, meaning the value of his Merc will far exceed the standard rate.’
Oh wow. ‘We imagine Sterling’s is pimped out’ might just be the most accidentally revealing line in Mediawatch history.
Now Mediawatch is perfectly aware what we think or say makes sod all difference to sod all, but the next time a newspaper or media outlet wonders why an England player is struggling for confidence, refuses to stop in the media zone or is difficult to reach for interview, remember this.
Treat others as you would have them treat you. Or simply stop being dicks for clicks.
No. No. No.
‘Davide Astori dead aged 31: Criminal investigation launched into Fiorentina captain’s death’ – The Sun.
‘Davide Astori death linked to MANSLAUGHTER as cops begin probe’ – Daily Star.
‘Was Davide Astori killed? Manslaughter investigation launched after Fiorentina captain found dead in hotel’ – Mirror Football.
Even by usual standards, this is sh*tty. In Italy, every case like this would require an autopsy. An autopsy can only be done after opening a manslaughter file. Not only is this completely normal practice, it’s absolutely the only way of doing things. Which is why ‘was Davide Astori killed?’ is the worst of the worst.
The saddest thing is that the above three culprits know perfectly well what they are doing. Hence why the second line of The Sun’s piece is ‘But Udine prosecutor Antonio de Nicolo stressed the proceedings are normal’. Weird that the ‘normal practice’ bit didn’t make it into the headline.
For those keeping count, we’re now onto the third day of a footballer’s tragic death being clickbaited. Barrels continue to be scraped.
Elsewhere on The Sun’s website
‘Dani Alves slammed for his insensitive comments over Davide Astori’s death.’
Has he been making wilfully misleading hints that the death was deliberate too?
Son shines but there will be rain
The premise of Stan Collymore’s Daily Mirror column is that Heung-Min Son in particular, and Tottenham in general, have proved our man wrong.
He even writes as much:
‘I still questioned whether he or any of his team-mates could step up to the plate, as Spurs needed them to, whenever Harry Kane was missing. Son swiftly sent me my answer, with a nice dollop of humble pie on it, by proving that he could.’
And yet by the end of the same piece, Collymore is telling us why, actually, Tottenham have proved nothing. And beating Juventus? Wouldn’t mean a thing.
‘Although, even if Spurs do get through it I’m not sure how much further they will go in the Champions League.
‘Yes, they beat Real Madrid in the group phase and were excellent in Turin, those first nine minutes apart, but when the big names of Real and Barcelona and Bayern Munich turn up for the big matches at the business end of the competition I’m not sure Spurs’ lads can match that.’
Is the insinuation here that Real Madrid weren’t trying at Wembley, because they weren’t bothered about finishing top of the group? And that Juventus won’t be at their best if Tottenham qualify on Wednesday because it isn’t the ‘business end of the competition’?
Mediawatch can’t help but think that to get to the business end you have to beat teams in the, erm… pleasure end? No, definitely not pleasure end. If Tottenham get through on Wednesday, they will have got the better of both of last year’s Champions League finalists. That’s surely enough ‘big names’ to warrant a positive spin?
The real quiz
‘If they can reach the quarter-finals or even last four, though, they will have enjoyed the sort of run that will inspire confidence for the later rounds of the FA Cup this season, or either domestic cup next season’ – Collymore, Daily Mirror.
Not sure UEFA quite see reaching the semi-finals of their flagship competition as the perfect warm-up for winning the League Cup.
From The Sun’s picture feature on Mark Clattenburg having a hair transplant (yes, really):
‘Clattenburg, now in Saudi Arabia, reveals his confidence is back after help from the Medical Hair Restoration Clinic’
‘Clattenburg, 42, now officiating in Saudi Arabia, underwent the treatment at the Medical Hair Restoration Clinic.’
‘Mark Clattenburg says he’s thrilled after his transplant at the Medical Hair Restoration Clinic’
‘Ref Mark Clattenburg underwent treatment at the MHR Clinic’
‘Clattenburg revealed the treatment from MHR Clinic has been life-changing, in massively boosting his confidence.’
‘Mark Clattenburg underwent treatment at the MHR Clinic after his hair thinned’
‘Meanwhile, MHR Clinic’s leading hair surgeon Ioannis Marmangiolis’
‘Mark Clattenburg turned to the MHR Clinic for help as his hair started to thin’
Anyone know where Clattenburg had his transplant?
‘Brazil legend Ronaldo looks unrecognisable alongside stunning girlfriend Celina Locks while on Paris trip’ – The Sun.
Now Mediawatch doesn’t want to doubt the sleuthing skills of anybody, but the sub-heading does rather give the game away here: ‘The pair seemed to be enjoying each other’s company as Ronaldo donned a flat cap and a pair of glasses.’
He doesn’t look ‘unrecognisable’, guys. He looks like Ronaldo in a flat cap and a pair of glasses.
Misleading headline of the day
‘Hendo’s g-spot’ – Daily Mirror.
Something something Glandfield.
Recommended reading of the day
David Squires on VAR.
Ken Early on the Bundesliga’s problems.
Adam Digby on Miralem Pjanic.
More from Planet Sport: As football debates VAR, tennis celebrates 12 years of the challenge system (Tennis365).