Mediawatch: It’s like he’s an actual human

Date published: Monday 12th October 2015 12:17

Klopp wows us all with his human being actions, plus who knows where passes go?


Breaking news of the day
‘Kevin Davies shows off massive Star Wars merchandise collection… that could be worth more than £3,000’ – MailOnline.

You know it’s a slow news day when…


Klopp: The latest news
‘That’s why he’s the Normal One: Liverpool’s new manager Jurgen Klopp partied with fans at a gastropub just hours after he was unveiled as the new boss at Anfield’ – MailOnline, October 11.

‘Jurgen Klopp stops for a cup of tea in Liverpool cafe as he gets to know the city’ – Daily Mirror, October 11.

‘Jurgen Klopp samples Liverpool’s Georgian Quarter with a meal at The Quarter’ – Liverpool Echo, October 11.

‘Jurgen Klopp agrees to rent Brendan Rodgers’ former luxury £1.2m apartment’ – Daily Mail, October 12.

Mediawatch wonders if Klopp takes a s**t every now and then too. ‘That’s why he’s the normal one’.


Klopp-related quote of the day
‘Delighted Rebeckah Vaughan, who posed for a photograph with the grinning new boss said she was shocked by how calm and approachable he was. She said: “He was really nice and friendly. I spoke to his wife a lot about Liverpool, they were both really happy to be here”‘ – MailOnline.

Mediawatch is ‘shocked’ too. It’s like he’s an actual human being.


Coming or going
Mediawatch couldn’t bring itself to dissect Neil Moxley’s Sunday Mirror piece about the ‘con’ of statistics, simply because we’ve had enough migraines for one month. Instead, we’ll leave it be with the following paragraph:

‘As if regurgitating a ­breakdown of the passes completed, crosses delivered and blocks made makes them look good,’ Moxley writes. ‘It doesn’t matter one iota. Not one. Statistics themselves cannot tell you whether those passes were backwards, forwards or sideways.’


They really can, Neil.


Desperate measures
‘Phil Jagielka admits England are desperate to make it ten out of ten against Lithuania’ – Paul Jiggins, The Sun.

Actual quotes from Jagielka: “Now it is nice that the ones left out here can go out and hopefully finish off things in style.” He hides his desperation so well.

Mediawatch always enjoys a player ‘admitting’ that he wants his own team to win.


Excuses, excuses
We’ve all been annoyed at missing out on a job after preparing fully for the interview, so we can all light a candle for poor Sam Allardyce.

In the first part of his autobiography serialisation in The Sun, Allardyce explains why he missed out on the England job in 2005.

“The longer I thought about it, the more I felt I should get it,” Allardyce said. “I wanted to do a real knock-your-socks-off interview for the FA, so I put together a PowerPoint which looked at every single detail.

“There was nothing missing. Nobody but nobody was going to beat it. But then Brian Barwick, the chief executive, told me there were no PowerPoint facilities at the interview venue, so I had to print off hard copies for the panel. So much for the progressive FA.”

Fail to prepare and prepare to fail, Sam. Should have phoned ahead and asked about the PowerPoint availability, or taken your own laptop and mini projector.

Mediawatch does have a few questions:
1) Why is talking through handouts so much worse than having it on screen, to the point that it stopped him getting the job?
2) Is Barwick allergic to paper?
3) Are we the only ones that feels slightly underwhelmed at PowerPoint forming the integral part of a “knock-your-socks-off” interview technique? All a bit 90s, Big Sam.

Allardyce is going to be fuming when he reads this from Barwick in 2006: “He [McClaren] did two fantastic interviews. He was my first choice, the FA board’s unanimous choice.”

You didn’t even get a second interview, fella.


Open Goal Headlines
Krul blow as keeper’s out for season – Daily Mirror.

Seriously Krul blow for Newcastle – Football365.

Krul blow for Toon – Daily Express.

Krul blow for Toon – The Sun.

Euro round-up: Krul blow for Dutch – Daily Star.

‘Newcastle United face losing Tim Krul for rest of season’ – Daily Telegraph.



‘Revealed: The six stars on Jurgen Klopp’s £180m Liverpool wishlist,’ reads the headline on the Daily Express website.

Goodness, they’ve done well to know this much transfer information so early in Klopp’s Liverpool reign. Especially as the only things Klopp  has said about new signings is a) That he’s not thinking about them yet, and b) That he won’t raid Dortmund for any players.

So, who are the six players that Klopp wants to sign?

– Robert Lewandowski, for £60m.
– Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, for £35m (presumably they forgot about the Dortmund thing for a minute).
– Andre Ayew from Swansea, for £20m.
– Domenico Berardi from Sassuolo, for £18.5m.
– Ruben Neves from Porto, for £29m.
– Jorginho from Napoli, for £20m.

It’s fair to say that Liverpool are going to have a fair few options in the final third come next season. Either that or the Express have taken a few rumours from other papers, added one of their own that is unlikely to happen, guessed a few potential transfer fees and tied it all up in a big red ‘reveal’ bow.


You rock my world
‘Chelsea, Sunderland and West Ham rocked as Spurs star agrees terms ahead of £10.3m move,’ reads the headline on the Daily Express website.

If Jose Mourinho and Chelsea are ‘rocked’ at missing out on paying £10.3m for Moussa Dembele, they’re more f**ked than we first thought.


Stats all folks
The Metro
’s obsession with the word ‘stat’ knows no bounds, but Mediawatch thinks this might be the zenith/nadir.

‘Stat shows Stoke stopper makes more saves than anyone else’ reads the headline on the football homepage.

The statistic? Butland has made more saves than anyone else. It doesn’t ‘show’ that; it is that.

Alternative headline: ‘Stoke stopper makes more saves than anyone else’.


Spot the difference
‘Tottenham are following Gent winger Moses Simon. Club scouts have been following Gent’s centre forward Laurent Depoitre, who started and scored for Belgium against Andorra. A Nigeria international, Simon scored seven goals last season as Gent finished second in the Belgian Pro League and set up Depoitre for the winning goal in the Belgian Super Cup.

‘Tottenham and Liverpool wanted to sign Simon when he was a teenager but he opted to train with Ajax instead. Now they are back on his trail after a string of impressive performances. Depoitre scored Belgium’s fourth goal on Saturday night as they sealed their place at next summer’s European Championships with a 4-1 victory over Andorra’ – Simon Jones, MailOnline.

‘Tottenham are tracking Gent winger Moses Simon. Spurs are already monitoring the progress of the club’s Belgium forward Laurent Depoitre, who started and scored against Andorra on Saturday. And now they are watching Simon, 20, a Nigeria wideman who scored seven times last season to help Gent win the Belgian Pro League.

‘The North Londoners have been keen on Simon since he was a teenager, but he chose to train with Dutch club Ajax instead. Depoitre, 26, hit the fourth goal in the 4-1 win for Belgium over Andorra that sealed their place at the Euro 2016 Finals’ – Darren Lewis, Mirror Football.

Lewis wins, for realising that Gent won the Belgian Pro League rather than coming second.


Flattering comparison of the day
‘[Sam Allardyce is] probably the most underrated manager in the game. Like Klopp, he gets results and that is what is needed right now, not philosophies’ – Alan Shearer, The Sun.

They both got results, it’s just that Klopp’s were better.

Allardyce was paid only £500,000 less per year at West Ham than Klopp at Dortmund. So there are some similarities.


Intro of the day
‘Lithuania’s plastic pitch is a vivid green colour but parts of the England team may well be greener’ – Matt Barlow, Daily Mail.


Recommended reading of the day
John Ashdown’s
 Guardian Golden Goal feature  – Brian Deane vs Manchester United.

Michael Cox on Non-League Day.

Jonathon Aspey on the failed Dutch heroes of World Cup ‘74.


Thanks to none of you.  If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at putting ‘Mediawatch’ in the subject field.

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