Klopp finally gives unknown Liverpool teenager a chance and Lineker breaks his porn silence
Gary Lineker has broken his silence and lifted the lid on the BBC’s porn debacle, which detracted from a morale-boosting win for Jurgen Klopp and Liverpool.
Porn again
There is obviously no story more important than an adult man who goes by the moniker of Jarvo69 engineering a prank which meant ‘the BBC were left red-faced’ by the sound of pornographic noises playing over their FA Cup coverage.
With apologies to the ongoing strike action, the cost-of-living crisis and the latest self-inflicted mess engulfing the Metropolitan Police, this is what the public want to read about in the nation’s best-selling newspaper:
THE SUN: Match of the Wahey #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/FgJipDZ1Iq
— Neil Henderson (@hendopolis) January 17, 2023
F**king hell.
Bring on the noises
As Football Cliches ace Adam Hurrey noted on Twitter at the time: ‘Look forward to the quick online headlines for that, there really is no precedent.’
How right he was to be excited about reading football-speak in a story where football-speak absolutely does not belong.
The Sun website (‘Gary Lineker breaks silence on porn scandal and says BBC has ‘nothing to apologise for”) and Daily Mirror website (‘Gary Lineker breaks silence over porn prank and disagrees with BBC apology’) went for the fan favourite pretence of silence-breaking despite a) Lineker acknowledging the noises live on air multiple times, and b) Lineker tweeting about the situation during the BBC’s coverage.
The Daily Express website go for the slightly less conventional ‘Gary Lineker lifts lid on ‘porn noise’ studio scandal and left baffled by BBC apology,’ as if he is a transfer journalist bringing insider information on the latest deal.
In a sensational turn of events, talkSPORT refers to the ‘infamous porn noise’ which ‘rudely interrupted’ the channel.
The Daily Mirror website calls it a ‘porn debacle’, which sounds incredibly painful.
And finally, there’s The Sun website and the Liverpool Echo both stating that the coverage was ‘hit by’ the pornographic noises, like an injury crisis ahead of an important game.
The first one to do a cracked BBC logo wins.
Viewer discretion advised
‘Pundits Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer struggled to hide their embarrassment as they were forced to compete with an odd noise that viewers likened to a porn film.’
You are fooling absolutely no-one, Gary Stonehouse of The Sun website. Don’t even watch that stuff, do you? Course mate.
Not by Harv
All of this was, of course, the prelude to an actual match. One which The Sun sent Dave Kidd to. And he was impressed with one of the many fringe squad players Jurgen Klopp gave a chance to:
‘Here, he made eight changes and discovered there is life beyond his first-choice side – not least teenager Harvey Elliott, whose early banger settled this third-round replay in favour of the FA Cup holders.’
The only problem: Elliott is the only player to appear in every Liverpool game this season and just seven teammates have been given more minutes in all competitions. He’s one of the few who started at Molineux who is already pretty much part of their ‘first-choice side’.
Ends of story
Elliott scored the only goal of the game to send Klopp and Liverpool through – and it seems that the effect his long-range effort had on Wolves keeper Jose Sa could only be described in one way:
‘The teenager advanced and, spotting Jose Sa off his line, thumped one left-footed from 25 yards beating the Wolves keeper all ends up’ – Dave Kidd, The Sun.
‘The further he went, it was clear there only one thought on his mind – nudge, nudge, nudge, nudge then whack! Jose Sa was beaten all ends up from 30 yards’ – Dominic King, Daily Mail.
‘The 19-year-old collected the ball in his own half before driving forward and unleashing a superb swerving strike from 25 yards. Wolves keeper Jose Sa was beaten all ends up by the shot’s whip, pace and dip’ – Peter Lennox, the official Liverpool website.
Moyes cancelling headphones
‘For West Ham United, here is the conundrum. Lose at home to Everton on Saturday and it is possible it will be decided that David Moyes is no longer the man for the job. The type of manager the club would require, however, is a pragmatic organiser capable of steering them away from relegation. If he was available, West Ham would go for David Moyes’ – Martin Samuel, The Times.
Alternatively, West Ham might require a manager capable of extracting more from a squad which finished 7th last season and had more than £160m invested into it in the summer, only to slip into a relegation battle, with no side losing more games and only Wolves scoring less often.
West Ham have conceded fewer goals than every Premier League side bar the current top four and Chelsea; ‘a pragmatic organiser’ is not what they need.
Garde dog
Mediawatch tends not to shoot the plentiful fish swimming in barrels such as SportBible for obvious reasons but this headline is asking for it:
‘The last time Chelsea handed out a long contract, it backfired massively’
Apparently Chelsea gave all their players one-year deals from the time they signed Winston Bogarde in 2000 up until Todd Boehly’s takeover in 2022. It’s a wonder they managed to keep anyone.
‘Unrecognisable’ ex-footballer of the day
‘Man Utd legend looks like a new man with bushy beard and grey hair – but can you guess who it is?’ – The Sun website.
Yes. It’s Brian McClair. Looks just like him, except with a bushy beard and grey hair.
