Ninth-placed Liverpool ‘halt embarrassing mid-table slide’ as Dortmund finally speak about Bellingham

Liverpool beating 18th-placed Everton at home could be ‘transformative’ as a team in ninth aims to avoid mid-table. But what about that Jude Bellingham?

Slip and slide
Writes Charlie Wyett of The Sun:

‘While it helped their Merseyside rivals delivered an unbelievably-lame performance in their match under Sean Dyche, Liverpool could not have hoped for an easier game to halt their embarrassing slide towards mid table.’

Weird hyphen, that. And does jumping from 10th to 9th really constitute ‘halting their embarrassing slide towards mid-table’? Their embarrassing slide into mid-table was already complete. They remain embarrassingly mid-table despite winning.

Formality wear
The theme of Liverpool winning at home against the team in 18th, who had picked up eight points from a possible 30 beforehand, and thus obviously turning a corner is pretty common. Strange, but common.

Oliver Holt of the Daily Mail reckons the result ‘felt so transformative’ and ‘maybe Liverpool’s season is just beginning,’ all because Everton can’t defend counter-attacks.

But Holt equally exaggerates just how bad things were for the Reds.

‘A few days ago, no one would have given Liverpool a sniff of beating Real Madrid in the Champions League second round tie that is fast approaching,’ he writes.

‘Ever since the draw was made, it has been assumed it is a formality that Liverpool’s hope of trophies this season will end at the conclusion of the second leg in the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu on the evening of Wednesday March 15,’ he adds.

Real Madrid are favourites for that tie but they have lost to Rayo Vallecano, Villarreal and Mallorca since November. They have 14 points from their last eight La Liga games; before beating Everton, Liverpool had 13 points from their last eight Premier League games.

Anyone who deemed that tie a ‘formality’ at any point is as much of a fool as those who reckon beating Everton shifts the momentum in any sort of meaningful way.

Hey Jude
Now Liverpool are brilliant again and no longer mired in a mid-table mess, the Liverpool Echo are free to fall back on their favourite post-match trope.

”Wishful thinking’ – Dortmund break silence with update on Liverpool target Jude Bellingham’ reads a headline which immediately prompts a raised eyebrow. The one thing Dortmund have done consistently when it comes to Jude Bellingham is speak quite openly about his situation and future. This is a ‘silence’ that is ‘broken’ every day or so.

Hopefully the ‘update’ is at least gargantuan enough to make up for it…

“There has been no new development,” said Dortmund sporting director Sebastian Kehl. “We’ll have to be patient for a little longer. But of course we try to keep Jude Bellingham at Borussia Dortmund as long as possible because he is an incredibly important player who has shown once again this season how he identifies with this club and makes the team better.”

The update: there is no update. Dortmund still want to keep Bellingham, Dortmund will still keep talking about Bellingham and certain outlets will keep teasing clicks out of Liverpool fans desperate to know about Bellingham.

Remind the gap
‘Darwin Nunez waded into Merseyside derby bust-up despite being subbed to remind Everton’ – Daily Mirror website.

Because famously once you’ve been substituted it’s actually impossible to enter the field of play again unless you’re collecting the match ball as a hat-trick scorer.

And what does that last bit even mean? He ‘waded into Merseyside derby bust-up despite being subbed to remind Everton’ what? That they once appointed Frank Lampard? That they signed no-one in January? That their board feels ‘unsafe’ enough not to attend matches at Goodison Park but are happy to rock up at Anfield?

It turns out it was to tell Idrissa Gueye that the score was 2-0. And even though ‘his actions did not provoke much of a reaction,’ it is definitely worthy of a 500-word story.

Bottle job
‘Jordan Pickford proved his attention to detail by printing a graphic on his water bottle detailing Liverpool’s four likely penalty takers’ – Charlie Wyett, The Sun.

‘REVEALED: Jordan Pickford’s secret water bottle cheat sheet on Liverpool’s strikers with locations for all Mohamed Salah and Co’s penalties… including how Darwin Nunez and Cody Gakpo NEVER go central’ – MailOnline.

‘Jordan Pickford’s penalty cheat sheet emerges with records of Mohamed Salah, Darwin Nunez, Cody Gakpo and James Milner all featured’ – talkSPORT.

‘Jordan Pickford’s penalty cheat sheet on water bottle spotted as Everton keeper has Liverpool stars’ spot-kick secrets’ – The Sun website.

‘Jordan Pickford notes on water bottle go to waste as he receives Andy Robertson experience’ – Daily Mirror website.

The bloke has been doing it for years, as have numerous other goalkeepers. It isn’t particularly noteworthy anymore and just because one outlet reports it, you don’t have to.

Rice cold
‘Declan Rice reaction to being offered Man Utd mug speaks volumes about transfer chance’ – Daily Mirror website.

It speaks volumes about nothing other than the fact that Declan Rice is not stupid enough to accept anything related to a rival club while captaining West Ham.

Guess who
‘Football legend looks unrecognisable as a fashion icon in the 90s – can you guess who it is?’ – The Sun website.

Yes. That’s quite clearly Pep Guardiola. Hair – or a lack thereof – does not make someone ‘unrecognisable’.