Manchester United teammate ‘will block’ new signing’s ‘dream’ and Liverpool hatch genius ‘pays off’

Liverpool know their Marc Guehi patience has paid off and they plan on ‘extracting greater value out of Crystal Palace…than Newcastle managed’.

Marc of the man
Don’t you just love it when a ‘plan’ comes together? Especially when it handily pertains to Liverpool transfers – of which there have been precious few this summer – on deadline day?

‘Liverpool transfer decision pays off after Premier League rival walk away from £70m deal,’ says the Daily Mirror website. But they add in the first paragraph that said transfer decision ‘appears is expected to pay off’ so who really knows?

While it is true that Newcastle pulling out of negotiations for Guehi theoretically opens up an avenue for Liverpool at some point, it remains the case that the Reds will have to pay something close to £70m if they wish to sign him anytime soon, particularly in January.

‘The Chelsea academy product was deemed too expensive to move for immediately’ and that is unlikely to change in the near future.

But Liverpool have a ‘plan’, remember?

‘The Reds will be hopeful of extracting greater value out of Crystal Palace in any attempt to sign Guehi, than Newcastle managed.’

It’s really quite embarrassing that Newcastle didn’t think of that. It is precisely the sort of sagacious thinking only possible when you have a ‘plan’.

Mo doubt
It is not all good news over at Anfield because ‘Mo Salah drops major hint on Liverpool future after club turned down £150m bid’.

There are two instant red flags here: this is the famously Merseyside-connected Sun website; and that barely relevant £150m bid was more than a year ago.

But hey, we’ve come this far so let’s at least examine this ‘major hint’ that Salah has carelessly dropped about how ‘he will walk alone from Liverpool at the end of this season’.

“I don’t want to think about the next year or the future. I just want to enjoy the last year and let’s see. Before the season I was just like ‘I’ve got one year left, let’s enjoy it and don’t think about the contract.”

#GoodbyeMo.

MORE LIVERPOOL CONTENT FROM F365
👉 Romano reveals update on Arsenal ‘bombshell’ move for Liverpool star; Bayern man ‘not discussed’
👉 ‘You won’t play’ – Alexander-Arnold reveals Arne Slot rule at Liverpool to put right Klopp wrong

Manuel labour
But that is not nearly as devastating as the latest developments at Manchester United.

‘Manuel Ugarte misses out on dream Man Utd shirt number – and new signing is to blame’

The Daily Mirror website – because of course it’s them – somehow manage to deal with such a difficult subject matter in explaining how Matthijs de Ligt ‘will block’ Ugarte from wearing the No. 4.

That will presumably come as news to De Ligt himself, who was likely under the impression he was simply going to wear the No. 4. Silly boy for not realising he was ‘blocking’ Ugarte from taking it, having joined more than a fortnight before him.

And it truly is Ugarte’s ‘dream shirt number’. The poor bloke has already had to struggle through wearing the 5, 6, 8, 14, 15, 17, 20, 25 and 26 during his professional career for club and country. Has he not already been through enough?

Slot games
Fair play to the usual outlets for taking some anodyne Arne Slot quotes and trying to manufacture some sort of drama between him and Erik ten Hag ahead of Manchester United’s game with Liverpool at the weekend. It is a famously a fixture which needs an injection of tension so this is more than welcome:

‘Arne Slot insists he is not friends with Manchester United boss and fellow Dutchman Erik ten Hag’ – David Anderson, Daily Mirror.

‘Liverpool manager Arne Slot has revealed that he does not view Manchester United manager Erik ten Hag as a ‘friend” – Charlie Parker-Turner, Daily Express.

‘Arne Slot says he and Erik ten Hag are not friends ahead of Man Utd vs Liverpool’ – Liverpool.com.

The entire extent of what Slot actually said was:

“We have a very good relationship, but a friend is someone you see a lot, you go out with and go out with for dinner. That’s not something we’ve done in the past. We don’t know each other well enough. Our relationship is as good and as normal as the relationship with many other managers. Rene Hake and Ruud van Nistelrooy have joined him at United and the relationship is also very good, all of us respect each other a lot.”

Because it turns out the mere act of being Dutch and a manager is not in itself the basis of an actual relationship. Slot did not ‘insist’ he is not friends with Ten Hag because that would be an insane thing to do.

Chelsea dagger
‘Chelsea miss out on BOTH top transfer targets within minutes of each other as Al-Ahli splash £300m on Toney and Osimhen’ is a suitably eye-catching headline for the top story on The Sun website.

It is just a massive shame that it takes Anthony Chapman 12 paragraphs to concede that it almost definitely isn’t going to happen, because Al-Ahli a) do not have the budget, b) do not have the space in terms of free slots for foreign players, and c) do not have the need for two new strikers.

What a shame that such important, headline-contradicting information had to be buried so deep in the story and also not at all reflected in said headline.

Toney award
‘Ivan Toney £100m transfer agreed after Manchester United wait’ – Manchester Evening News.

‘Ivan Toney makes transfer decision and will finally seal £100million move’ – Daily Mirror website.

Playing the old ‘randomly add fees and wages together for an eye-watering overall price‘ game, are we?

Maguire practice
‘Football star Harry Maguire was spotted enjoying bingo at a Haven holiday park despite being worth a whopping £18million.’

Mediawatch dreads to think what that opening paragraph from the MailOnline would look like if it was Raheem Sterling circa 2016. That truly is an insane usage of ‘despite’; would it have been alright if he stopped at a Parkdean Resort instead?

Anjor management
‘Chelsea Champions League winner leaves after 16 years to join Serie A club’ – The Sun website.

It’s certainly one way to get people to read about Tino Anjorin – one appearance for Chelsea in the 2020/21 Champions League in a group dead-rubber against Krasnodar, before failing to make a single matchday squad from the quarter-finals onwards – joining Empoli.

READ NEXT: Deadline Day summer 2024 LIVE! Transfer news, gossip, done deals