Man Utd doomed to ‘shock’ Chelsea defeat – and the Thiago reason ‘Van Dijk leaves Liverpool’ may happen

Man Utd might as well not bother playing Chelsea because there is a ‘shock’ reason they are doomed to defeat. And expect to see ‘Van Dijk leaves Liverpool’.

It’s raining omen
The meeting between Chelsea and Man Utd on Thursday night evokes memories of title-deciding matches between juggernauts, both of whom have since been reduced to middling banter clubs.

But it turns out it is actually entirely pointless playing their midweek game anyway, because…

Shock stat provides dreadful omen for Man Utd ahead of Chelsea trip

The Sun website have all the details on just why Erik ten Hag will be taking his players to Stamford Bridge knowing that defeat – to a club six places and eight points below them – is unavoidable.

‘Top four rivals Aston Villa were hammered 4-1 at Man City in last night’s late kick off,’ it says here. ‘That means that it has now been 25 matches – over 2,250 minutes – since an away side celebrated a win in the Premier League.’

‘Shock stat’. ‘Dreadful omen’. Man Utd are yet again in the crisis-adjacent mud, because Aston Villa didn’t win at the Etihad, Brighton could only draw at Brentford and Arsenal beat Luton at home.

Therefore, United will have to smash that pretty mental stat to bits in order to claim the three points at Stamford Bridge.

It is difficult enough to take them seriously as a legitimate outlet without ‘pretty mental’ lines like that.

The power of deductions
The meeting between Liverpool and Sheffield United on Thursday night does not evoke memories of title-deciding matches between juggernauts, both of whom have since been reduced to middling banter clubs.

But it is an important game at both ends of the Premier League table, as this Liverpool Echo headline shows:

Jurgen Klopp sends warning to Liverpool over points deduction with Sheffield United motivation clear

Klopp did at least mention how “you never know what can happen this season with points deductions here or there” in relation to Sheffield United, nudging his Liverpool players to remain motivated and not get complacent ahead of hosting the division’s worst away team.

It is, however, an incredibly cheeky way to present that quote at best, and wilfully misleading at worst. Which by current Reach standards is actually pretty good.

READ MORE: Liverpool’s Premier League title run-in matches ranked on slipability

Spill the Thi
Thiago Alcantara is unlikely to play for Liverpool either this season or indeed ever again, considering his Anfield contract expires in the summer and there is no appetite on the club’s part to extend it.

He remains an interesting player to discuss, though. And the Daily Mirror website knows any update on his future is ripe for online content. Which is how we get here:

Thiago Alcantara ‘leaves Liverpool’ after playing just five minutes this season

Any player leaving any club mid-season is huge, never mind a great player leaving a title-chasing club – which just so happens to have one of the biggest and most online fanbases around. But that certainly suggests Thiago has left Liverpool; were it not for the caveat-heavy quote marks, that would be the only possible conclusion to draw.

The truth is predictably quite different: Thiago ‘leaves Liverpool’ is actually in relation to the city itself. He has returned to Spain to continue his recovery. That is the entire story.

It is essentially the same as reporting ‘Van Dijk leaves Liverpool’ ahead of their trip to Man Utd at the weekend. He will no longer be on Merseyside when he is en route to Old Trafford so it is obviously fair game because that is how it works now.

Thank you, next
Mediawatch is not sure what the record is for the earliest ‘next’ version of a player to be crowned, but this Daily Express website effort must push it close.

Man Utd are ready to unshackle the next Kobbie Mainoo as exciting double deal signed

‘The next Kobbie Mainoo’?! The current Kobbie Mainoo is 26 games into his professional career; he probably deserves a crack at being the next Kobbie Mainoo first.

But here’s to Jack Fletcher, son of Darren, who ‘could enjoy a similar breakthrough to Mainoo when the time is right,’ because he has just signed his first professional contract with Man Utd.

The 17-year-old – under two years younger than the current Kobbie Mainoo – is obviously on an inexorable path to becoming ‘the next Kobbie Mainoo’. Perhaps he too can one day be tenuously linked to Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s dressing-room unrest.

Bench press
‘Pep Guardiola explains why he dropped Man City stars Erling Haaland and Kevin de Bruyne to the bench for their win over Aston Villa… just days after Roy Keane branded misfiring striker a ‘League Two’ player’ – MailOnline.

It really is a mystery as to why Manchester City might change some of their players three days after one game and three days before another in the middle of a run of nine games in four weeks.

Most nonsensical admission of the day
‘Mikel Arteta admits he is ‘so happy’ with Arsenal fringe players as Emile Smith Rowe and Reiss Nelson make rare starts in dominant win over Luton to move top of the Premier League’ – MailOnline.

Manager ‘admits’ he is happy when his players play well. It is yet to be revealed precisely what methods were used to extract such a damning confession but waterboarding seems a safe bet.