Mediawatch: Man Utd hammered over bargain Bruno. Wait, what?

Seb Stafford Bloor
Bruno Fernandes Man Utd

No argument at all with Martin Samuel’s belief that Kevin De Bruyne is a world-class player worthy of a place in any team. But we’ll quibble with the framing of his piece and its adherence to this new rule in the digital media, which states that everything must really be about Liverpool.

‘There is not a single player in Jurgen Klopp’s starting team who is not the supreme performer in his position. With one exception.

‘Kevin De Bruyne is the only star who deserves to be in a Liverpool-dominated Team of the Year.’

Again, Liverpool’s players will deserve to dominate the Premier League’s team of the year, but this ‘supreme performer’ chat has Mediawatch thinking that Martin might be missing the point about what makes this team what it is.

Liverpool are full of players who aren’t the absolute best in their positions. Nowhere more so than in midfield. Part of the reason why Klopp’s work is so admired is specifically for that reason; individually, this isn’t a team of superstars.

‘How to find room for arguably the world’s finest midfielder right now? Who loses out to Kevin De Bruyne, the one player it is worth breaking up Klopp’s Invincibles to accommodate.’

Dropping Fabinho is Martin’s answer to the question (that nobody is asking), but that’s a final crazy turn on a wild ride. It’s wrong, because Fabinho is brilliant, and also because Klopp sounds reluctantly willing to allow Wijnaldum to leave this summer.

Finally because… why are we even doing this at all?

Apparently as part of a fear that De Bruyne would leave Manchester City if they fail to overturn their Champions League ban. Like most of the City players, the Belgian has a contract which includes incentives for progress made in the competition. On the basis of which, City should be ‘worried’ if CAS don’t strike down their ban because Kevin De Bruyne is very, very good and might be of interest to other teams.

That’s right, Martin. Yes.

What?

 

Happy place
Paul Scholes the player was great. Paul Scholes the pundit is a tedious malcontent who works from a small group of withering put-downs and has worked out that the more disparaging a pundit’s analysis, the more likely he is to be invited back.

Meaning that this headline from The Mirror has Mediawatch’s attention:

‘Paul Scholes questions Man Utd transfer policy after Bruno Fernandes impact.’

Oooooh, what’s he said now… Bruno Fernandes has played really well since arriving, so what crazy mental gymnastics has Scholes employed to turn his signing into A Very Bad Thing.

“He’s brought a lifeless attacking team to life. You wonder where United would be if they’d signed him in the summer.

“He’s made a team that wasn’t all that watchable at times very watchable.”

Oh.

We love criticising Ed Woodward. Saying nasty things about how bad United are at transfers is our happy place. Mediawatch feels cheated – particularly given this headline from David Anderson’s story, which was top of the page by Friday morning.

‘Bruno Fernandes is providing to be a £47m transfer bargain for Man United.’

Yup. All kinds of fires for Neil Ashton to put out there. Get the Manchester, Monaco and London offices all on it at once.

 

Oi Oi.
Follow The Sun back to 2006.

‘WOLVES are on the rampage in Europe.

‘The Premier League side, enjoying another stellar campaign in the top flight, take on Espanyol in Spain tonight in the Europa League – holding a 4-0 lead from the first leg.

‘And you can be sure they will be cheered on by their Wags back home.

‘From a sexologist who once told Portuguese footballers to masturbate before big games to a sexy Mexican actress, Wolves are blessed with talent off the pitch, as well as on it.’

TALENT! SEXOLOGIST! LADS! LADS! LADS!

*rubs thighs*

‘Sake. There follows 26 pictures of the four different women, each of them married to one of Wolves’ players.

All together: it’s not football, is it?

Given the target audience of that ‘feature’ – ‘Wolf Whistle!’ (MegaLOL etc) – it also wasn’t quite right to chuck a photo of Joao Moutinho’s very young children in there, either.

 

Important reminder
It was only a matter of time. The Liverpool.com tactic has caught on in other parts of the local media.

From the Manchester Evening News:

‘Liverpool FC reaction to Real Madrid gives Man City an important reminder’

Go on then, what’s this important reminder.

‘There may have been little love lost between the fanbases of the two best teams in England for the last three years but the two clubs need each other. After Pep Guardiola’s latest masterclass at the Bernabeu, there is more of a sense that the two could yet help each other out this season.’

Okay, how so?

‘Liverpool served notice of what was to come during City’s Centurions campaign, becoming the first team to beat the Blues and then dumping them out of the Champions League in the first half of 2018. Less was made of Liverpool because they were not European champions, and it was harder to crow about a strong Premier League when one team had effectively wrapped up the title by December.’

Right, but how are they helping each other out? Where’s the important reminder that we were promised?

‘There may have been some trying to detract from the other’s success by comparing the competitions, but really they both legitimised each other.’

‘So it was that a reaction from some Liverpool fans to City’s win at the Bernabeu was positive.

‘City cannot win every trophy going, and have been unable to compete with the relentlessly outstanding Liverpool side this year. But if their European push will help the reputation of the Premier League, it will also boost the standing of the team and the club.’

*Slanty face emoji*

Right. So – and stop Mediawatch at any point here – Liverpool had nothing to do with Manchester City winning in Madrid, but because Liverpool won the Champions League last season and are about to win the Premier League this year, that has somehow added an extra layer to Wednesday night’s win?

And some Liverpool fans who have graciously conceded (“Class mate, absolute class” etc) that beating Real in the Bernabeu is a decent result.

Is that the size of it?

If only you could see Mediawatch’s expression. Or hear our long, long sigh.

 

Recommended reading:
Miguel Delaney on the Carabao Cup Final.

Seb Stafford-Bloor goes training with Weymouth.

Rory Smith on Silvio Berlusconi’s return to football.

 

For some bizarre reason, the F365 Show still hasn’t been cancelled. So we’ll be back every Thursday with more irreverent nonsense intriguing insight. Subscribe here.