The SEO dream for a football website is to crowbar ‘transfers’, ‘Man Utd’, ‘Liverpool’ and ‘Arsenal’ into a headline, so congratulations to the Daily Express website for this absolute doozy:
‘Transfer news LIVE updates: Man Utd bid for Kroos, Salah to leave Liverpool, Arsenal deal’
Wow. In among the Jack Wilshere ‘Arsenal deal’ update and the nonsense of Kroos to Manchester United from Los Bullshittos at Don Balon is the real headliner: ‘Salah to leave Liverpool.’
Bloody hell, this is huge.
Mediawatch scrolls down to find:
‘Liverpool star Mohamed Salah is being urged to leave Anfield and join Real Madrid this summer.’
Oh. That’s not what you promised but it’s probably still a story. By who?
‘Egypt legend Hanzy Ramzy says the winger might not have the chance to head to the Bernabeu if he waits.’
Oh okay. We’re losing enthusiasm now. And it seems an odd thing to say.
‘”I think he makes history for an Egyptian player and this is very important,” Ramzy told ESPN FC. “Also that all the world can see that Egypt has talent.
“And about the question if it is better for Salah to stay at Liverpool or transfer himself to another league, I think all the media are talking about Real Madrid or Barcelona.”‘
Conclusion: ‘Salah to leave Liverpool.’ Of course.
Let’s hear it for the Moyes
David Moyes has won seven of 25 Premier League games as West Ham United manager so of course he is very well placed to demand that the Hammers match his ambition. He’s David Moyes, after all. The Sun quote him as saying: “For most of my seasons I have been competing at the top six, eight. I know what it looks like. I know what you need to get there.”
Cynics may point out that the last time he was “competing at the top six, eight” was 2013/14 and it turns out that what Manchester United needed to get there (from a position of champions) was indeed to appoint David Moyes. But let’s hear him out. Here he is on the BBC website:
“I think my record, the amount of games I’ve had, the amount of wins I’ve got, probably apart from two or three managers there’s nobody who’s got a better win ratio.”
The word ‘probably’ is doing an awful lot of work in that sentence. Moyes has managed a lot of Premier League wins but that’s largely because he has managed a lot of Premier League games. Only Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger and Harry Redknapp have more games and so only that trio have more victories.
But ‘win ratio’ is an entirely different beast and Moyes’ win ratio of 38.74% does not even put him in the top 20 of Premier League managers; Brendan Rodgers’ win ratio is 46.9% and a list from February places him in 20th.
It’s not the exact statistic but transfermarkt tells us that of all the managers with 50-plus Premier League games, Moyes lies joint 26th with Ruud Gullit in terms of points per game – just behind current Chennaiyin FC manager John Gregory. Does he think he’s too good for West Ham too?
Huddersfield are celebrating top-flight survival.
— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) May 10, 2018
Yes. F*** Leicester.
So the relatively unknown Laurent Depoitre has just scored the goal that keeps lowly Huddersfield Town in the Premier League. How on earth can you turn this into clicks?
— Daily Star (@Daily_Star) May 10, 2018
Ah. Like that.
It’s ‘Chelsea news’ apparently. Of course it is.
Walk among us
Daily Telegraph: ‘Arsenal have whittled down their shortlist of candidates to succeed Arsene Wenger, with Juventus manager Max Allegri and former captains Mikel Arteta and Patrick Vieira among the select group still under serious consideration.’
The Sun online: ‘ARSENAL are closing in on naming a new manager after cutting down their shortlist of candidates to just three…according to the Daily Telegraph.’
And there, people, is a lesson in what happens if you don’t understand the word ‘among’.
According to Neil Custis of The Sun, ‘players in Mourinho’s firing line include Matteo Darmian, Daley Blind, Luke Shaw and Anthony Martial, who have all struggled for games this season’.
Pesky fact: Anthony Martial has played 2,320 minutes across 44 games this season.
Money, money, money
The Sun’s Neil Ashton has a back-page ‘exclusive’ that ‘WAYNE ROONEY’S bumper £300,000-a-week deal at DC United will be paid by THREE different clubs’. He claims that ‘Rooney’s former club are already subsidising his sky-high salary at Everton by paying £10million a year towards his wages’.
Now £10m a year is pretty much £200,000 a week, which sounds like an awful lot of money to pay for a player not actually playing football for your club.
And all of this is rather odd because Ashton’s Sun colleague Ken Lawrence told us last July that Rooney ‘will return to his spiritual home after being handed a £10million golden goodbye by Manchester United. But his £160,000-a-week deal at new club Everton is just over HALF his United wages.’
So Manchester United are paying £200,000 a week of his ‘sky-high’ £160,000 a week?
Think it’s funny…
If Ashton is right and DC United (with a little help) are proposing to pay him £300,000 a week, the Daily Mail’s claim that Rooney ‘is ready to join MLS club DC United on a £12.5million contract’ suggests that he will only be going to the US for 41 weeks. As they say the ‘contract will run until the end of the 2020 MLS season’, it’s clear that something has gone awry somewhere.
The story is further complicated by the headline on the same story on MailOnline: ‘Wayne Rooney tells Everton that he wants to join DC United as he closes in on £12.5m switch to MLS club.’
Whatever his wages, we’re pretty sure they’re not actually giving Everton any money, fellas. That would be bloody mental.
Don’t know much about geography
‘The move to Washington side DC United appeals to the Rooney family because the flight time back to England is just over eight hours’ – Neil Ashton, The Sun.
Firstly, we’re not sure that 8h 45mins (to Manchester) counts as ‘just over eight hours’.
Secondly, flying to New York is considerably quicker.
Recommended reading of the day
Telegraph Football on Manchester City’s records.
Paul Doyle on Huddersfield Town.
Kat Lucas on SC Bastia.
More from Planet Sport
QUIZ: Test your knowledge on the legendary Jack Nicklaus (Golf365).
Time for Next Gen stars to take on Federer, Nadal in slams (Tennis365).
Cricket is great; we won’t save the game by telling everyone it isn’t (Cricket365).
QUIZ: Test your Spanish Grand Prix knowledge (PlanetF1).