Shock as Euros means England must play good teams!

Editor F365

The England media is already running scared of Germany and hoping to face a side that beat them…

 

Hungary hippos
On Tuesday we were treated to ‘chaos’ and ‘crisis’ as football hit the front pages of the tabloids. Oddly, talk of ‘chaos’ and ‘crisis’ has subsided in the wake of England once again winning 1-0 and securing a place in the last 16. Now we turn to ridiculous jingoism and the usual utter nonsense.

A few things to unpick here:

  • ‘old enemy Germany’. Oh do f***ing behave.
  • The ‘er, Hungary’ and ‘fingers crossed, underdogs Hungary’ rather ignores the fact that said Hungary would be fresh from beating Germany.
  • If only there were any examples from recent history where giddiness about playing a ‘minnow’ in the knock-out stages of a European Championship has backfired. Anyone?

 

Fortune favours the rave
We can almost forgive the news guys for that attitude but Chief Sports Writer Dave Kidd really should know better than to write this:

‘They won a match, won a group, won back a few hearts and minds, and now return to Wembley – same time, same place, next week – to face France, Germany, Portugal or, if they are extremely fortunate, Hungary.’

Yes, if they are ‘extremely fortunate’ then they will play a team that frightened Portugal, drew with France and beat Germany. Fingers crossed, eh. Scour the ground for four-leaf clovers, Gareth.

 

Horror show
Nobody is saying that England are an amazing footballing side that will conquer all but this ‘oh God, we might play somebody good next’ narrative is really quite tiring already.

‘England 1 Czech Republic 0: Raheem Sterling scores to top group – but Three Lions face horror Euro 2020 last-16 clash’

What did anybody seriously expect from the Euro-

And England are not accidentally ranked fourth in the world, just as Germany are not accidentally ranked 12th. Germany got battered 6-0 by Spain in November and lost to North Macedonia in March. Portugal lost 4-2 to that same Germany side last week so the idea that facing either would be a ‘horror Euro 2020 last-16 clash’ is ludicrous.

‘Their first – and perhaps last – knock-out match is likely to be a far tougher test than anything England have faced so far.’

That is sort of the sodding point.

 

Wales-watching
‘England’s potential route to Euro 2020 final with Germany, France and even Wales on horizon’ – Mirror website.

STOP PRESS: ‘Even’ Wales are in England’s side of the draw.

 

Gazza Schmazza
Were Andy Dunn of the Daily Mirror and Jeremy Cross of the Daily Star sitting next to each other…

‘PHIL FODEN might have the Gazza hairstyle but Jack Grealish has the Gazza style’ – Dunn, Mirror.

‘Up until now the closest we’d come to Gazza had been Phil Foden’s new haircut’ – Cross, Star.

…or are they just coincidentally both tiresome and obsessed with a footballer who last played for England 23 years ago?

 

Suspense thriller
Phil Foden – still just 21, remember – had two underwhelming performances for England, so of course we should go straight to headlines such as these:

‘Jack Grealish didn’t need Gazza haircut to play like him and justified inclusion’ – Daily Star.

It seems the media also have to act like Foden being protected by Gareth Southgate because he had been booked and he did not want to lose him for their last-16 clash is actually an AXING (The Sun website), while the Mirror website pretend it is a Whole Thing:

‘Phil Foden decision: Suspension threat, Wayne Rooney advice and Gareth Southgate explanation’

The ‘suspension threat’ is the ‘Gareth Southgate explanation’ but don’t let that stop you from insinuating something far, far worse.

 

Fear factory
‘JUST 44 days after leaving Villa Park in a protective boot. Harry Maguire was back at full throttle’ – Charlie Wyett, The Sun.

‘JUST 19 days after Charlie Wyett claimed ‘it is feared crocked duo Jordan Henderson and Harry Maguire may miss ALL of the tournament‘, Harry Maguire was back at full throttle’ – Mediawatch, Football365.

Harry Maguire and John Stones

 

I’m (not) gonna hear you roar
The back page of the Daily Mail tells us that ‘RAHEEM STERLING sent England through to the last 16 as group winners and then roared: bring on Europe’s elite.

We will keep this brief but, well, did he f***.

 

Looking on the dark side
Over at the Express, ‘England have five positives and two negatives after Czech Republic Euro 2020 win’.

At this juncture we are surprised that one of those two negatives is that England won and thus will face a ‘horror’ clash but actually, the negatives are that Harry Kane has still not scored and that Jadon Sancho did not start, which seems odd as the man who did play was excellent and his inclusion was ‘a decision that was vindicated’, according to this very same article.

Anyway, back to Kane…

‘It is worth noting that many of the tournament’s best players have already announced themselves.

‘Cristiano Ronaldo has three goals for Portugal, Antoine Griezmann was on target for France against Hungary, Memphis Depay is looking a threat with the Netherlands while Germany recently saw Kai Havertz notch a brace.

‘Then there’s Romelu Lukaku and Ciro Immobile, who are sparkling for Belgium and Italy.

‘Kane needs to join that crowd if England are to go all the way this summer.’

It’s also worth noting that neither Karim Benzema nor Kylian Mbappe has scored for favourites France. And also that Olivier Giroud did not score a single goal as France won the World Cup in 2018. England could conceivably ‘go all the way’ without Kane scoring once. Imagine that.

As for Sancho’s continued absence from the starting line-up; we would say victory and a place in the last 16 means that is a negative only for the player himself. Just wait until they find out that there are five England players who have not played at all.

Mediawatch

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