Southgate in ‘huge WAG U-turn’ by letting England players see families ‘despite’ Denmark draw

Editor F365
England boss Gareth Southgate
Gareth Southgate gets lucky with England's next opponent.

‘Gareth Southgate makes huge WAG U-turn’ is hilarious but actually just wrong. He will let England’s players see their families ‘despite’ the Denmark draw.


Spot the difference
Credit to The Sun for engaging in some slight England Clamour nonsense with this, the second-highest story on their website:

‘Eagle-eyed fans spot awkward moment between Cole Palmer and Gareth Southgate live on BBC as fans say ‘that’s not good”

But there are problems. Can ‘eagle-eyed fans’ really ‘spot’ something which was shown ‘live on BBC’? It wasn’t exactly hidden; the cameras were lingering on Southgate for ages and at one point he happened to shake Palmer’s hand. It was the only thing on the screen at that stage.

And excuse Mediawatch for not fully investing in the body language experts of social media, who told their tens of tens of followers that ‘Southgate didn’t match the aura’ of ‘cold’ Palmer.

‘Following the full time whistle, the TV cameras followed boss Southgate as he made his way around the pitch to shake hands with both his players and the Danes.’

Thank the lord that ‘eagle-eyed’ fans noticed.

‘However, it seemed that Palmer could barely even look his manager in the eye when he attempted to shake his.’

a) Palmer’s was at least looking in Southgate’s direction because he turned his head just as he came into view of the shot.

b) Southgate didn’t ‘attempt’ to shake Palmer’s hand. He very much shook it.

c) Why employ highly-paid writers and fly them around the world to cover the football when you can just bury their writing and log onto Twitter for the thoughts of @PalmerSZN?

READ NEXTEngland Clamour Rankings: Anthony Gordon still top but Watkins emerges after Kane ‘barely moved’


Pitch perfect
Alan Shearer might count himself among those ‘eagle-eyed’ supporters if the Daily Mirror website is to be believed, because ‘England fans fume minutes into Denmark match as Alan Shearer spots problem on BBC’.

Fair play to Wor Al; Mediawatch would not have noticed the pitch disintegrating every time a player moved if Shearer had not been ‘quick to spot the issue’.

👉 16 Conclusions on England drawing with Denmark: Southgate out, awful Alexander-Arnold, rubbish Rice
👉 Southgate sack, ‘invisible’ Saka slammed, ‘obvious’ Bellingham change demanded in angry England Mailbox
👉 England player ratings v Denmark: Trent enforces Southgate Out clamour as Kane, Bellingham struggle


Pickford in the middle
Such sleuth skills could come in handy for the Daily Express website, who handily explain this story about Jordan Pickford’s father legally changing the family surname from ‘Pigford’ as a child to avoid being bullied.

‘And the subtle tweak, which sees the ‘g’ replaced by a ‘ck’…’

It really does seem obvious once someone tells you.


Football? What football?
With England struggling at Euro 2024, the tabloid newspapers have two choices: they could go into great detail about the tactical issues plaguing the side and propose some solutions which Southgate might consider implementing; or they could simply ramp up the conversation about their favourite subject.

It really is a mystery as to which path they might go down. Except all these stories were published in the last 24 hours, most in the aftermath of the game:

‘England stars given day off to see Wags at luxury Euro 2024 base after dreadful Denmark draw’ – The Sun website.

‘Dani Dyer joins Wags including wives of Harry Kane and Jordan Pickford in stands for crunch Euros clash vs Denmark’ – The Sun website.

‘Gareth Southgate makes huge WAG U-turn ‘to take England stars’ mind off football” – Daily Mirror website.

‘Meet the stunning England and Denmark WAGs bringing the heat to their Euro 2024 clash’ – Daily Star website.

‘England’s glamorous army of WAGs roar for their men as the Three Lions draw against Denmark in Frankfurt – as Jude Bellingham’s model ‘girlfriend’ posts from Paris’ – MailOnline.

‘Send in the WAGs! Gareth Southgate opens England camp to stars’ wives and girlfriends in bid to take their minds off the football after disappointing Denmark draw’ – MailOnline.

Forget that mess of a midfield and ignore Harry Kane’s non-existent pressing. Look at some pictures of women instead!


It’s called the huge WAG U-turn
As ever, the entirely phoned-in copy to those stories is a treat. The actual words are not important and so all common sense and grasp of the English language is abandoned.

For example, this in The Sun:

‘ENGLAND stars will be given time off to relax with their Wags despite last night’s dismal draw with Denmark.’

…and this in the MailOnline:

‘England manager Gareth Southgate team will allow his players to enjoy 24 hours with their WAGs and families today – despite last night’s disappointing draw with Denmark.’

‘Despite’?! Is Southgate meant to tell Bukayo Saka’s partner to sod off because Kane randomly passed to a Denmark player? Should Jordan Pickford’s children have been turned away because Kieran Trippier is restricting England’s entire left flank? Would they have all had to fly home if England had lost?

And then Zoe Delaney gets tied in knots for the Daily Mirror, in that story about Southgate’s ‘huge WAG U-turn’, which is a fundamentally hilarious phrase:

‘Earlier this week, ahead of last night’s disappointing draw, it was revealed that Southgate was set to welcome the WAGs into England’s training base after each group game, breaking from the usual strict protocols.

‘And thanks to last night’s 1-1 draw against Denmark, it seems Southgate is bending his own rules even further, with the under-fire gaffer now allowing his players to enjoy 24 hours with their WAGs and families today.

‘England’s football stars are currently residing in a secluded luxury resort, offering them the utmost privacy. The team had planned a brief respite with their partners after the second match, a schedule set before the tournament’s commencement.’

So the ‘huge WAG U-turn’ is to do something which had already been planned well in advance. It makes perfect sense if you don’t think about it for one second and just look at the pretty pictures instead.


Pierre pressure
England ultimately had no chance on Thursday because…

‘Why Denmark were allowed to break UEFA rule during Euro 2024 draw with England’

…the Daily Mirror website there, pretending that Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg being nominated to speak to the referee instead of Denmark captain Kasper Schmeichel is in any way a rule break rather than a sensible and clearly stated alternative to a goalkeeper sprinting up the pitch every time a free-kick is given.

READ NEXTEngland bound for Euro 2024 glory thanks to druids and despite doom-mongers