Squeeze out all the juice
Now we’re not saying that Express Sport have had a digital wet dream over Paul Pogba’s possible Manchester United exit, but someone on the editorial team just ordered a job lot of tissues. The following is a list of stories on their football homepage alone:
‘Real Madrid news: Manchester United row as Florentino Perez makes Paul Pogba decision’
‘Paul Pogba: Man Utd star approved Mino Raiola plans to join Manchester City in January’
‘Man Utd news: Ed Woodward may stop Jose Mourinho selling Paul Pogba because of four stars’
‘Paul Pogba: Jose Mourinho willing to force exit and has Man Utd board support’
‘Transfer news LIVE updates: Man Utd star Paul Pogba to Barcelona; Liverpool deal approved’
‘Man Utd star Paul Pogba determined to make Jose Mourinho transfer decision’ (this is just a group of words farted onto a computer screen)
‘Real Madrid will have to break one rule to sign Paul Pogba from Manchester United’
‘Man Utd boss Jose Mourinho threatens MAJOR changes with Paul Pogba in firing line’
‘Man Utd transfer news LIVE updates: Paul Pogba to Real Madrid; agent Mino Raiola obstacle’
‘Man Utd news: What Paul Pogba really did in Manchester derby leaving Jose Mourinho FURIOUS’
‘Man Utd news: Danny Higginbotham makes big Paul Pogba replacement claim’
‘La Liga news: Salah to Barcelona, Pogba to Real Madrid, Griezmann to Man Utd updates’
‘Man Utd news: Gary Neville makes big Paul Pogba claim ahead of crucial Tottenham clash’
‘Jose Mourinho vs Paul Pogba: Manchester United should consider three dangerous issues’
‘Man Utd boss Jose Mourinho has three Paul Pogba issues as Zlatan Ibrahimovic claims emerge’
‘Paul Pogba: Man Utd transfer WAR with Jose Mourinho and Ed Woodward on collision course’
‘Man Utd star Paul Pogba set to leave as Jose Mourinho submits transfer list to board’
‘Man Utd news: Lionel Messi VETOES Barcelona move for Paul Pogba for two reasons – report’
‘Man Utd transfer news: Jose Mourinho makes Paul Pogba plans after dire West Brom showing’
Be sure to keep us updated, guys.
On the same page
‘Manchester United striker Marcus Rashford may leave Old Trafford if Jose Mourinho stays’ – The Sun, April 9.
‘MARCUS RASHFORD is set to delay talks over a new Manchester United deal after falling down the first-team pecking order. Red Devils boss Jose Mourinho is set to splash the cash this summer, leaving Rashford with doubts over his future. Romelu Lukaku and the arrival of Alexis Sanchez has squeezed Rashford out of the first-team starting picture’ – The Sun exclusive, April 16.
‘Rashford – five years younger and more reserved – cannot resist the infectious humour Lingard provides, which often helps lift the stresses of playing for the world’s biggest club. Rash has made 44 appearances but is set for just his 23rd start away at Bournemouth tonight. Suggestions he might look for a move or even a loan to get more first-team football appear wide of the mark. Rashford wants neither – just a regular place in Jose Mourinho’s side’ – Neil Custis, The Sun, April 18.
Suggestions made by your own paper, Neil. Don’t they ask you anymore?
Believe they call this ‘narrative’
Writes Paul Jiggins on the back page of The Sun:
‘Harry Kane claimed another goal in his hunt for the golden boot – despite not getting the final touch.’
If you’ve watched the goal, you’ll know how ridiculous this intro (on the back page, remember) is.
If you haven’t watched the goal, watch the goal and you’ll know how ridiculous this intro (on the back page, remember) is.
There’s a star man
Elsewhere in Jiggins report, he writes (quite reasonably):
‘Tottenham’s goal machine may have found the net but he still looked a long way off full fitness following his recent ligament injury.’
Look down about an inch, and The Sun present their Dream Team match ratings. Who was awarded the title of the game’s ‘star man’? Yes, him.
You @Everton put out a survey to fans about the manager, when you know many are against him. Undermining him while he does a good job.
— Neil Custis (@ncustisTheSun) April 17, 2018
Mediawatch actually agrees that polling fans’ opinion regarding a manager currently in place is a slightly odd thing to do, but let’s not pretend that it is this survey that is ‘undermining’ Allardyce while he ‘does a good job’. Unless they did the survey before he took five points from his last eight away games.
Everton were 13th when Allardyce took over, and they’re now ninth. The only teams currently outside the Premier League’s bottom eight they have beaten under his management are Leicester City and Newcastle, and Newcastle were actually 16th at the time of that win.
And that’s without dwelling on the fact that Allardyce was tasked with playing a different brand of football, has shown precious little ambition to attack better teams and all the while has belittled the relevant concerns of match-going supporters.
If there is anyone undermining Sam Allardyce at Everton, it is Sam Allardyce.
Another day, another woeful Sun feature
– ‘Alli’s antics on the pitch often have opposition fans raging as his fiery temper can outshine his talent. And the energetic midfielder is just as bold off the pitch as on it with his fashion choices.’
– ‘Even when walking the red carpet, dele Alli defies tradition. Back in November at the MTV EMA awards, he wore a totally different kind of suit – the double denim kind.’
– ‘Dele looked dapper as usual even in his off-duty loungewear.’
– ‘When Alli isn’t on the pitch or flying in a private jet, he is out and about with his girlfriend Ruby Mae. Her boyfriend clearly shares her love for fashion and dressed up (kind of) for their dinner together recently.’
– ‘Alli likes to keep things feeling comfortable when he’s travelling all around the world. But that doesn’t mean he sacrifices the cool factor – even his sportswear is spenny.’
Will Charlie Sale use part of his Daily Mail column to continue a personal spat?
‘The overblown EFL Awards at the London Hilton on Park Lane on Sunday gave chief executive Shaun Harvey the chance to make his keynote address of the year in front of more than 700 guests representing 51 clubs.
‘Yet Harvey, the most wooden of speakers as anyone who has seen his Carabao Cup draw displays will testify, wasted precious time telling his audience your Sports Agenda columnist had not been invited and the reasons why — as if anyone, including yours truly, cares a jot. Skipping another Harvey drone-fest was preferable by far.’
The answer is always ‘yes’. And we remember your World Cup 2014 videos Charlie, so pop down the pebble and step out of the greenhouse.
Worst headline of the day
‘What Ayr United did slightly differently with latest topless models kit launch to try and beat sexism claims’ – Mirror Football.
A day late and clunky as hell.
Recommended reading of the day
Jack Gaughan on Accrington.
Matthew Hall on subway soccer.
Jack Pitt-Brooke on Guingamp.
More from Planet Sport:
Johnny Nic on doping: Paranoia about drugs in sport is ridiculous (Tennis365)
Massive over-reaction to Hamilton’s winless start (Planet F1)
Anthony Martial: Jose might not miss him, but his successor definitely would (Planet Football)