Mediawatch: A 2/10, or ‘very influential’?

Date published: Wednesday 13th January 2016 12:47

A local town for local people
Enjoy Newcastle vs Manchester United last night, did you? Yeah, so did Mediawatch.

What we really didn’t need on the game was an ‘angle’. It was a brilliant game, and sometimes (actually, most times), that is enough. Not so for the Martin Samuel’s Daily Mail, though. Oh no.

‘Paul Dummett’s mighty strike, in the 90th minute, could yet transform their season,’ Samuel writes. ‘He is a local lad, Dummett, which makes his intervention all the sweeter. Newcastle should be a team of local lads, really, rather than this rag-bag of imported proteges, the north east of England a mere stopover halfway to the next destination. Through history, the calibre of players from this region has been remarkable, yet Dummett is a rarity. Maybe that will change, in time.’

‘Should be a team of local lads’? Sheesh.

Without apologising for interrupting Samuel’s rant, Mediawatch feels that it should point out that Georginio Wijnaldum and Aleksandar Mitrovic, two of that ‘rag-bag of imported protege’’, scored Newcastle’s first and second goals. Both were pretty brilliant.

Mediawatch would also advise you to read this excellent account of the Robledos, the half-Chilean brothers who became Newcastle United legends as far back as the 1950s.

Still, foreigners out and all that.


Slight differences of opinion
‘Marouane Fellaini: Very influential and had a big say in the game – 7’ – Daily Mirror.

‘Marouane Fellaini: His header led to United’s penalty, but he put in a haphazard display of bad tackles and was booked – 5’ – The Times.

‘Marouane Fellaini: Useful when defending set pieces, but that was about it. He gave away a couple of early free kicks and picked up a booking, then looked like he was on the edge of receiving a red card for the rest of the game. It was his header that went straight to Wijnaldum for Newcastle’s first goal, and he had a great chance to make it 4-2 to United, but his header went straight at the goalkeeper – 2’ – ESPN FC.


Snooze clues
Sometimes being a tabloid journalist must be a wonderful job, and at other times it must be a thankless task. Mediawatch suspects The Sun’s Paul Jiggins’ Tuesday evening could be filed under the latter.

Jiggins was sent to St James’ Park with the task of ‘rating each 15 minutes with a snooze factor out of five’. No, we’re not joking, it’s The Sun’s ‘Snoozzze watch’ feature.

‘Jiggins thought he’d be sent to sleep by a snoozefest – but saw a goalfest,’ the feature begins. Jiggins is mocked up wearing Wee Willie Winkie pyjamas and night cap. Wow.

For those interested, the first 15 minutes were awarded four snoozes out of five, despite Manchester United scoring their earliest league goal of the season. This sleep scientist is a hard man to please.

Jiggins must have soon realised he’d been stitched up, as the game got very un-snoozy indeed. Every period between 30 minutes and the end of the match earned just one snooze.

Note to The Sun: A feature on United being boring looks a little silly after a 3-3 draw.


Volley folly
‘The ball hit two Toon players and fell to Roo, who volleyed into the top left-hand corner’ – Neil Custis, The Sun.

Two things:

1) We can (dejectedly) understand the reason to shorten Rooney to ‘Roo’ in headlines, but in prose?

2) Wayne Rooney’s second last night was very good, no doubt, but it was categorically not a volley.


Rock n’ troll
‘BBC made to look very silly after trolling Manchester United for being boring,’ is the headline on the Daily Telegraph website. Zing.

‘The BBC‘s official twitter account was made to look rather foolish last night after they trolled Manchester United for being boring,’ the story begins.

‘Ahead of Manchester United’s midweek clash with Newcastle the BBC Three official twitter account decided van Gaal’s side were ripe for some textbook Twitter trolling.

‘The ‘twitter banter’ proved to be slightly premature however, as Manchester United went on to play-out one of the games of the season so far in a 3-3 draw with Newcastle.’

The ‘twitter banter’ in question was the following tweet from BBC Three:

Couple of things, guys:

1) Is this really a news story?

2) If we’re having a pop at the BBC for one of their accounts ‘trolling’ Manchester United, why stop there?

Here’s another ‘trolling’ tweet, for example:

Brown is the Daily Telegraph’s chief sports feature writer, by the way.


Muddy hell
Well away from the Premier League, the Daily Mirror are worried about England’s Euro 2016 hopes. Slightly odd timing, but let’s see what they’ve got to say.

‘England football fans hope the team won’t be in the mire at the European Championships this summer – but the signs aren’t looking good,’ a piece by Andy Lines begins. Oh no, has Raheem Sterling broken his leg? Has Joe Hart retired on the back of advertising revenues?

‘The lads’ chances will partly depend on what is currently a horrendous heap of mud.’

The story is that England’s training base for Euro 2016 is currently nothing more than a muddy field. Well that’s no good, how are we expected to train on tha… okay, carry on.

‘Luckily, the quagmire shown in these photos will be transformed into a field of dreams.’

And when will that be done? By June. Which is when England sodding need it to be ready.


Top gear
‘Cristiano Ronaldo puts Ballon d’Or snub behind him as Real Madrid superstar poses with £146,000 Porsche 911 Turbo S’ – MailOnline.

Just make sure you play well in the next game, Cristiano. Or you’ll get a call from Ruud Gullit.


‘The wisdom is that a point is no good for a team in Newcastle’s position’ – Martin Samuel, Daily Mail.

Is it? Even when they’re playing a much better team and are two points off safety (now one)?


Metr-oh behave #1
‘Chelsea in talks with La Liga club over speedy winger move – report’ – Metro.

It’s Christian Atsu, and Levante might sign him on loan.


Metr-oh behave #2
‘Arsenal fans worried club will be moved from north London after this shock development’ – Metro.

‘Shock development’ – Stan Kroenke moving St Louis Rams to Los Angeles.

‘Worried’ = made a joke on Twitter about Arsenal moving to Dundee.


Most Paul Merson line of the day
‘Liverpool vs Arsenal : If this was Liverpool v Crystal Palace, then I would say I might fancy Palace, but you know Liverpool will be running round like you have never seen before. You look at the way they have played recently and you can bet they won’t be anything like that against Arsenal’ – Paul Merson,

1) It isn’t Palace, Paul, it’s Arsenal. So we’ll need a prediction on that one please.

2) You’ve still predicted Liverpool to lose. So it doesn’t actually matter if it’s Palace or Arsenal?


Prediction of the day
“Manchester United are a dangerous team with very good players and, on their day, they can control the game and hurt you. We have to make sure they don’t and be positive. We need to be well organised and disciplined like we were at Old Trafford. The odds would probably be on 0-0 – but it will probably be a 3-3!” – Steve McClaren, Monday.

Next time, predict Newcastle to win, Steve.


Worst headline of the day
‘Turk-away is on menu for Ospina’ – Daily Mirror.


Recommended reading of the day
Andy Hunter with Kolo Toure

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