Mediawatch: Why Liverpool should sign Defoe

Daniel Storey

Scraping the barrel
We’re not saying it’s a slow news day, but at 11.30am the fourth biggest news story in football according to The Sun‘s website is…

‘Lionel Messi blasted by Zahi Hawass after world famous archaeologist took ‘uninterested’ Barcelona ace on pyramid tour.’

Great, so we’re just stealing headlines from The Day Today now, are we?

‘LIONEL MESSI has been branded a “moron” by a world-renowned archaeologist who showed him round the Egyptian pyramids during his recent ambassadorial trip,’ this sensational story begins.

‘Zahi Hawass, the former Egyptian Minister of Antiquities, is said to have made the astonishing claim during a call to a private Cairo-based TV station on Sunday.’

‘Astonishing claim.’

The whole story is that Messi had a tour of the pyramids and wasn’t as interested as Will Smith, which is a sentence that is apparently perfectly acceptable to write in 2017. As Hawass himself said: “I couldn’t see any reaction in his face. He was very polite but perhaps he’s only interested in football.”

‘No-one from Barcelona Football Club was immediately available for comment on Tuesday,’ is the final line of the piece.

Hahahaha. Fourth biggest story.

 

The great shame
Writes The Sun’s Neil Ashton at the start of his match reaction piece from West Ham vs Chelsea:

‘The great shame is that Antonio Conte’s side will run out of games before they reach 100 points on their way to yet another Premier League title. At this rate, they will come up one short.’

At their current rate, Chelsea will actually reach 93 points, seven points short of the 100 mark.

Mediawatch assumes that Ashton means that even if Chelsea win every game remaining they will ‘only’ reach 99 points, but see if you can find anyone at Chelsea who even considers that ‘a great shame’.

 

Mind the gap
Later in that match reaction piece comes this glorious bit of hyperbole:

‘West Ham, inevitably, were the latest club to oblige. These two footballing institutions are further apart than ever.’

– Chelsea won the Champions League in 2011/12. That season, West Ham finished third in the Championship.

– Chelsea won the Premier League title in 2004/05 with a Premier League record haul of 95 points. That season, West Ham finished sixth in the Championship.

– Chelsea won the Division One title in 1954/55. That season, West Ham finished eighth in the Second Division.

Mediawatch reckons these two football institutions might have been further apart than the current gap of ten places.

 

Whelan fortune
‘Liverpool need a striker’ this summer is hardly a controversial opinion. Daniel Sturridge is not fancied, Danny Ings is very broken and neither Roberto Firmino nor Divock Origi quite fit the bill of central striker. Jurgen Klopp might disagree but, to repeat, it’s hardly a stupid shout.

What might have been a stupid shout was the Irish Independent asking Ronnie Whelan to pick ‘Five strikers Liverpool should target’.

‘When I sat down to think about the type of players Klopp should be chasing, I couldn’t get away from the idea that Liverpool need a big name, someone like Zlatan Ibrahimovic who is carrying an entire club on his shoulders,’ Whelan begins.

‘I’m not suggesting that he should have to but Liverpool desperately need players who can lead and inspire. Consistent goal scorers do that as easily as breathing. But if you look at the names I’ve settled on down below, there is one common theme with three of them.’

That they’re absolutely sodding ridiculous?

Let’s take Whelan’s list one by one:

1) Antoine Griezmann:

‘I’m not saying they would even get him but a real attempt would show that the club has the right ambitions.’

Sure, but isn’t it worth bidding for players you think you can get? Otherwise every bugger would bid for the best player in the world. There is a process of sounding out agents, player and club over the potential for a move. No hints of likely success, no bid. Next.

2) Gonzalo Higuain

He is 29 and already moved to the biggest club in Italy for £76m last summer. Come on, Ronnie. Next.

3) Edinson Cavani

You know what: maybe. Cavani is 30, so it would hardly be a long-term move, and we don’t for one minute expect Liverpool to buy him, but maybe. Next.

4) Jamie Vardy

Huh? We’ll go back to what you just said, Ronnie:

‘When I sat down to think about the type of players Klopp should be chasing, I couldn’t get away from the idea that Liverpool need a big name, someone like Zlatan Ibrahimovic who is carrying an entire club on his shoulders. I’m not suggesting that he should have to but Liverpool desperately need players who can lead and inspire. Consistent goal scorers do that as easily as breathing.’

Sigh. Next.

5) Jermain Defoe

‘When I sat down to think about the type of players Klopp should be chasing, I couldn’t get away from the idea that Liverpool need a big name, someone like Zlatan Ibra…’

Is 34-year-old Jermain Defoe Benjamin sodding Button and nobody thought to tell us?

 

Breaking news
‘Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez was working as a nanny in Bristol just MONTHS before meeting him,’ reads the headline on an ‘exclusive’ by Sarah Ridley on The Sun website. Stories based on a East Dulwich online forum posts from October 2015 really are our new jam.

So let’s get this straight: She lived in one place, and then nine months later lived in another place? You’ll have to go through it one more time, we’re confused.

 

Captain obvious
‘Zlat still free for Europa clash’ reads the headline on the Daily Express inside back page.

‘If Ibrahimovic is banned, he will still be able to play in the Europa League for Manchester United, starting with Thursday’s last-16 first leg in Russia against Rostov.’

So you’re saying that domestic bans don’t suddenly apply to UEFA competitions. Who’d have thought it?

 

Ask a simple question
‘Was this the night Chelsea won the title?’ – Daily Mail.

Nope, not yet.

 

Ask another simple question
‘Will Arsenal and Barcelona pull off the impossible job?’ – Daily Mirror.

You’ve answered your own question there, guys. Clue: the word before ‘job’.

 

SE-Oh behave
‘Cristiano Ronaldo’s nephew (who looks like a young Lionel Messi) pulls off uncle’s trademark celebration after scoring goal’ – The Sun.

He really, really doesn’t, but that’s how you get Ronaldo and Messi into a URL. Congratulations.

 

Recommended reading of the day
David Squires on video referees.

Sid Lowe on Osasuna.

Miguel Delaney on Arsenal.