We’re not saying that there’s a lack of interest in the views of Martin Keown but this tweet…
— MailOnline Sport (@MailSport) December 14, 2017
…prompted a grand total of five questions in its first three hours.
And one of those was ‘Was he there then?’
Well not according to this…
They think it’s all over…
Mind you, when you have already watched Martin Keown on BT, what else is there to ask? Apart from perhaps ‘have you actually seen the Premier League table?’. We can only assume the answer is ‘no’ after this nugget from a nugget…
“Champions League now is not looking like it’s not going to happen for Arsene Wenger and questions are going to come again for the manager – is he going to be there next season or not? It looks like the end.”
A reminder: They are one point behind Tottenham.
You must be out of your brilliant mind
— Mirror Football (@MirrorFootball) December 14, 2017
We absolutely cannot wait to see this, given that the dictionary definition of ‘brilliant’ is ‘exceptionally clever or talented’. So what did he so brilliantly do?
‘The Portuguese international performed a toned-down version of his trademark celebration, aimed at the supporters who were singing Messi’s name.’
He held his arms out a bit. The man is a f***ing genius.
LIVE TRANSFER LIVE TRANSFER LIVE
‘Transfer news LIVE: Manchester United and Arsenal latest as Bournemouth demand £15m for striker Benik Afobe.’
Mediawatch cannot help but think The Sun Online are playing fast and loose with their use of the word ‘LIVE’ when the last update – as of 11am on Thursday – had been posted 11 hours before.
‘Keep up with the very latest transfer news, gossip and rumours’ is the promise, while the football homepage trails that ‘Man United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham all busy’. Sounds exciting.
So just how busy are Manchester United according to ‘the very latest transfer news, gossip and rumours’?
Well four days ago they were ‘reportedly ready to make Lazio star Sergej Milinkovic-Savic Manchester United’s record signing’. So that is really, really busy.
At least they are really, really busy in comparison with Chelsea, who eight days ago suffered the blow that ‘EDEN HAZARD has allegedly been contacted by Zinedine Zidane over a move to Real Madrid’.
It’s all happening. LIVE.
Charlie Sale, Daily Mail:
‘Russia’s murky build-up to hosting football’s 2018 World Cup included a bizarre charm-offensive reception this week at the Russian Embassy in Kensington for supposedly the great and the good of football.
‘But many of the invitees were a throwback to a different era, including retired agent Jerome Anderson and numerous former Tottenham players.’
Oh Oliver Holt…
Interesting World Cup 2018 event at Russian ambassador's residence tonight and then swift one at favourite London pub pic.twitter.com/nMI09UphBj
— Oliver Holt (@OllieHolt22) December 12, 2017
…you have been burned.
‘Supposedly the great and the good of football.’
‘Throwback to a different era.’
The Mail office Xmas party could be a humdinger.
The big ask
After criticising the Mirror website yesterday, we have to doff our caps today as they are asking all the big questions…
‘Was this the £10 curry that helped Mike Ashley seal the £300m deal to sell Newcastle United to Amanda Staveley?’
SPOILER ALERT: Probably.
No alarms and no surprises
But that key question is nothing compared to the one poised by the Express website as they put together yet another gallery…
‘WHICH Premier League side has scored the most goals this season?’
You’ll never bloody guess.
The time is now
Talking of galleries, where would we be without TalkSPORT and their ‘Every Premier League club’s best ever top flight start revealed’?
Mediawatch does not want to spoil things for avid ‘readers’ of galleries but apparently ‘Huddersfield Town’s best start after 17 matches was in 2017-18, when they had won 18 points’.
They won the league three times in a row, fella; we suspect they started at least one of those seasons a tad better.
Can you feel the force?
Spare a thought for poor Neil Custis, who wrote just a little over two weeks ago in The Sun that ‘Manchester United are once again a force to be reckoned with as they show grit and determination’ in a 1-0 home win over Brighton that featured four shots on target.
‘JOSE BATTLERS NOTCH 1-0s FOR FUN’, remember. And these are the ‘performances that won the leagues and cups’ for Manchester United under Sir Alex Ferguson. After that slim victory, they were ‘the only team that looks capable of overcoming Manchester City’.
Odd then, that after Manchester United’s similarly squeaky win over Bournemouth, Custis writes that ‘there was a sense of deflation at Old Trafford even in victory’.
Didn’t everybody at Old Trafford get the memo that United ‘are a force again’?
No money, no problems
If you are going to illustrate just how extraordinary Burnley have been this season with a graph or a table, it might have been sensible for The Sun to use something like this…
— Dan Clark (@Dan_Clark5) December 13, 2017
Clearly that is too clever, so instead, they have constructed a table showing ‘MONEY SPENT PER PREM POINT THIS TERM’ which of course features Burnley proudly at the top.
‘EACH point Burnley have won in the Premier League this season has cost them £1.3million based on their 2017 summer spending. That is the best of any team.’
This simple metric is ridiculous enough without the added ludicrousness of the clubs in second and third on a list that clearly reveals Burnley to be the great over-achievers of the season.
Or does anybody want to argue that Stoke and Arsenal are delivering better value for money than Watford or Leicester this season?
Recommended reading of the day
Shirsho Dasgupta on football and politics.
Marina Hyde on respect in football.
Sam Wallace on Sean Dyche.