Arsenal v Liverpool
Having proudly, nay triumphantly declared that Liverpool would finish in the top four on these very pages just a few weeks ago, I am currently bracing myself for a summer spent living in a wheelie bin behind my local Argos due to an inability to pay my mortgage and utility bills. Should the Mersey men lose this it really does look game over in terms of the Champions League. Raheem Sterling stated categorically this week that “it’s not about the money” but then stopped short of admitting “we just wanna make the world dance, forget about the price tag”. All is not lost however. Brendan’s mob are on a run of half a dozen away clean sheets and they simply shouldn’t be bigger than 3’s to win in North London. In the immortal words of Jessie J “Just give me six strings and half a stack…”
Betting: Liverpool to win at 18/5 (Boylesports)
Everton v Southampton
Ross Barkley proved in his little cameo against the Italians on Tuesday night that he remains a bad Mamma Jamma with ball to feet and he might just be too big at 9/2 to score against the Saints. If he does, he usurps Kemp and Diana as my favourite Ross of all time.
Betting: Barkley to score anytime at 9/2 (Stan James)
Leicester v West Ham
It’s sh*t or bust for Leicester. Defeat here and their brief sojourn amongst the British footballing elite looks doomed to failure. Yet just because they have to win doesn’t mean they will.
Betting: West Ham to win at 23/10 (bet365)
Manchester United v Aston Villa
Villa are 12/1 to win at Old Trafford, which looks big until you consider the fact they’ve won just one of their last 38 PL games against the Red Devils. And they’re sh*te. I like the home win here, with LVG to belittle Giggsy against by grabbing at his cheeks or giving him a Chinese burn when they score.
Betting: Manchester United (-1) to win at 10/11 (Paddy Power)
Swansea v Hull City
Round our way the word ‘doyle’ is used as an insult to describe someone who is serious lacking in terms of intelligence. For example “I can’t believe you’ve just slipped that gas lighter up your a**e, you doyle”. And NDoye sounds a bit like doyle if you say it quick and don’t pronounce the ‘N’. So let’s have a look at Dame NDoye to score first eh? (You won’t get nuggets like this reading Lawro’s Predictions).
Betting: NDoye to score first at 8/1 (Ladbrokes)
West Brom v QPR
Charlie Austin is huge at 7s to score first here. 15 goals in total this term. And he sports ‘street’ tattoos a la Popeye.
Betting: Austin to score first at 7/1 (Bet Bright)
Chelsea v Stoke
With the league almost wrapped up, Chelsea are now the only team in all four English divisions not to lose at home in the league this season. Eden Hazard to call the time again at the Bridge.
Betting: Hazard to score – Chelsea to win at 9/5 (Ladbrokes)
Burnley v Tottenham
Huge game for both here and if Burnley can stop Harry Kane they can land the gamble here. It’s a big ‘if’ though. As you know only too well, Kane is the new Alan Shearer and Jake Bugg is the new Noel Gallagher (yawns sardonically).
Betting: Draw at 23/10 (Paddy Power)
Sunderland v Newcastle
The Black Cats are looking for their fifth Tyne-Wear derby win off the belt but they’ve failed to win in seven and Jermain Defoe’s return of two goals in 11 matches is not really justifying his flamboyant weekly wage. Sunderland pulled off an outlandish great escape last season but I get the felling appointing Dick Advocaat was a very, very bad decision. How bad? Akin to having a s**t in your best mate’s mam’s knicker draw bad.
Betting: Newcastle to win 1-0 at 8/1 (bet365)