One Juventus defeat and Pochettino is failing ‘veteran’…

Date published: Thursday 8th March 2018 11:44

If you want my future, forget my past…
Neil Ashton, The Sun, February 12: ‘EVERY once in a while, English football enters a golden age. Think Busby Babes, the great Liverpool side built by Bill Shankly or Sir Alex Ferguson’s swashbuckling United teams. At this rate, in years to come, everybody will want to say they got to watch Tottenham live.’

Neil Ashton, The Sun, March 8: ‘Tottenham, no matter how their dreamy football is dressed up, are out of the Champions League…It is painful to accept for for Tottenham but they are still wannabes at this level.’

That is quite the slide.

 

Old man, look at my life…
‘IT was Mauricio Pochettino’s 46th birthday last week,’ writes The Sun’s Chief Sports Writer Dave Kidd.

‘He’s now the same age as Sir Alf Ramsey was when he won the World Cup here at Wembley – and older than Brian Clough when he won back-to-back European Cups.’

It’s at this point that you really should stop and ask yourself if your point is still valid when your examples go back over 40 years.

But unabashed, Kidd continues…

‘So, despite his boyish Bisto kid looks, you can spare us any more of the ‘young manager’ stuff.’

Well, there is only one current Premier League manager (Eddie Howe) who is younger, so logic determines that he will be considered a young manager, Dave.

‘The Argentinian is a managerial veteran with nine years’ experience – and he’s won nowt.’

It’s at this point that we stop and shout ‘he has been managing Espanyol, Southampton and Tottenham, for f***’s sake’.

It’s been 12, 42 and ten years since those three clubs last won a major trophy. There’s only so much a (young) man can do…

 

Fanzone
Mediawatch despairs. The morning after Tottenham exit the Champions League and before Arsenal play AC Milan, what is the most popular story on Mirror Football?

‘Manchester United fans name the one player they’re confident can stop Mohamed Salah in Saturday’s derby’

Because journalism in 2018 is searching Twitter for ‘Shaw Salah’ and then embedding some tweets.

The most sickening thing? It clearly bloody works.

 

Working 9-5
‘SCOTT McTOMINAY popped out to lunch in a £400 hoodie that cost him about an hour’s pay.

‘The £15,000-a-week Manchester United midfielder earns the value of his Mona Lisa top in the same sort of time it took him to enjoy his meal.’

Mediawatch’s favourite thing about this absolute nonsense from The Sun online is that they halve calculated his hourly pay as though he works 38 hours like the rest of us.

Sweet.

 

Football transfer live Man United Liverpool live
Now you might think that in March, there is very little in the way of ‘live transfer news’, but as ‘live transfer news’ is SEO gold, many outlets keep on pumping it out like one of those pipes under the ocean expelling faeces into the faces (do fish have faces?) of poor fish.

Like football.London for example, who vow to bring ‘all the news and gossip from around the capital’. Presumably all year round.

Here is their headline as of 11.30am on Thursday:

‘Live transfer news: Arsenal eye Madrid ace, star admits he’d rather play for Mourinho than Klopp’

As this is ‘all the news and gossip from around the capital’, we can only presume that a current ‘star’ of a London team – perhaps Ryan Sessegnon – has expressed a desire to join Manchester United rather than Liverpool. Let’s read on, giddy with excitement.

‘Former England international Danny Mills has admitted that he would rather have played for Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho than Jurgen Klopp.’

Well he did play for Charlton.

 

Colour me mocked
Still, at least they didn’t sell that ‘story’ like the Express website

‘Liverpool news: Jurgen Klopp MOCKED in comparison to Man Utd boss Jose Mourinho’

He must be devastated.

 

You’re a fake, baby
The Sun online
, morning of March 7: ‘TOUCHING TRIBUTE Davide Astori to have his new four-year contract honoured by Fiorentina – with wages paid to wife and daughter.’

The Sun online, afternoon of March 7: ‘FAKE NEWS Italian FA chief Giovanni Malago apologises for appearing to confirm ‘fake news’ suggesting Fiorentina would pay Davide Astori’s contract for life.’

Damn that Italian FA chief. Sir Alex Ferguson was right about checking under the sauce.

 

Davide Astori: Day Five

It’s day five of monetising the death of a footballer.

And day one of being really lazy about identifying a black man.

 

All manor of nonsense
All credit to Tashan Deniran-Alleyne, who is making quite a nice living out of writing exactly the same story over and over again. Nice work if you can get it.

On January 17 in the Daily Mirror we were told ‘Why Arsenal would only be able to play one of either Mkhitaryan or Aubameyang in the Europa League’.

And then on February 23 in football.London we were told ‘Why Aubameyang will not feature against former club AC Milan in Arsenal’s Europa League clash’.

That story has been re-published today (March 8) just in case there is anybody alive who still does not know exactly why Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang will not be playing for Arsenal.

And of course nothing has happened in the intervening two months to change, well, anything; Arsenal fans are still really bloody excited apparently.

On January 17:

‘A double signing of this manor (sic) would no doubt get Arsenal fans excited once again, but any hopes that the pair could forge a similar understanding that helped Dortmund to the Europa League quarter-final in the 2015/16 season have been diminished.

‘That season saw Aubameyang net eight times, while Mkhitaryan weighed in with four assists. However, there will be no repeat this time round.

‘This is because only one would be able to feature when the European competition resumes next month and it’s Mkhitaryan.’

On March 8:

‘The double signing has Arsenal fans excited once again, but any hopes that the pair could forge a similar understanding that helped Dortmund to the Europa League quarter-final in the 2015/16 season have been diminished.

‘That season saw Aubameyang net eight times, while Mkhitaryan weighed in with four assists. However, there will be no repeat this time round.

‘This is because only the Armenian can feature for Arsenal in Europe, despite the fact he has already played in the Champions League for the Red Devils this season.’

Why write new sh*t when you can recycle the old sh*t and entirely ignore anything that has happened in between?

 

Recommended reading of the day
Miguel Delaney on West Ham murkiness.

Jonathan Wilson on football aesthetics.

Matt Barlow on Gennaro Gattuso and Joe Jordan.

 

Planet Sport quiz: Test your knowledge on the career of Serena Williams (Tennis365).

 


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