Guardiola f***s it and realises Man City are ‘impossible’ to manage after latest inexplicable collapse

Manchester City are worse defensively than Manchester United both collectively and as individuals; it turns out that doesn’t bode well against Real Madrid.

Pep Guardiola did say it was “impossible in 90 minutes to control these four players,” but it does feel as though Manchester City ought to have at least tried, even if just for the last ten.

The Spaniard was discussing that fearsome attacking quartet of Rodrygo, Jude Bellingham, Vinicius Junior and Kylian Mbappe, but he might well have made the same assessment of James Maddison, Dejan Kulusevski, Heung-min Son and Dominic Solanke, or maybe Geovany Quenda, Francisco Trincao, Pedro Goncalves and Viktor Gyokeres, or possibly Anis Hadj Moussa, Julian Carranza, Igor Paixao and Santiago Gimenez, or perhaps Martin Odegaard, Leandro Trossard, Gabriel Martinelli and Kai Havertz.

It must have dawned on Guardiola long ago that his side is the common denominator. Manchester City have conceded 57 goals in all competitions this season, already their most in a single campaign since his first in 2016/17, and six more than a historically, cataclysmically abysmal Manchester United in one extra game.

The issue was obvious enough for Manchester City to invest more than £60m on centre-halves in January; one was not registered in their Champions League squad and the other watched on in presumed horror as yet another late collapse unfolded against Real Madrid.

But perhaps the problem is not the opposition at all. The players Guardiola seems to find it truly “impossible” to “control” for 90 minutes now are his own.

For most of this game the hosts struck a fine but eminently dangerous balance between last-gasp defending and positive attacking with an unhealthy portion of luck. Vinicius had a penalty shout and Mbappe hit the post from situations flagged offside wonderfully late. The latter had four stunningly erratic shots from presentable positions before scoring with the most ridiculous of all. Bellingham should have scored long before he did. Federico Valverde flashed an effort just wide.

Real’s 20 shots were the most an away team has ever mustered at the Etihad against Manchester City since Guardiola’s appointment.

Yet their slight advantage with five minutes remaining was not born entirely of luck. There was enough glorious defending – Rico Lewis nabbing the ball off an inspired Vinicius in the area, Josko Gvardiol timing a slide tackle on Mbappe to perfection and Nathan Ake blocking on the line – to reinforce a lead earned twice and earned hard.

And the move for the opener was outstanding: back to front with Gvardiol sliding the ball through to Haaland and continuing his run into the area to be picked out by Jack Grealish, chesting the ball down for Haaland to finish.

With Phil Foden’s footwork collecting a penalty Haaland converted confidently, the course was set towards a galvanising, season-rescuing result.

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But the masters of game management can barely walk for the amount of self-inflicted bullet holes in their feet. It should not come as a surprise when 1-0 up at Brighton after 77 minutes became a 2-1 defeat, 3-0 up against Feyenoord after 74 minutes became a 3-3 draw, 1-0 up against Manchester United after 87 minutes before a 2-1 defeat, 2-0 up against Brentford after 81 minutes became a 2-2 draw and 2-0 up against Paris Saint-Germain after 55 minutes became a 4-2 defeat, yet muscle memory still kicks in and expects Manchester City to strangle the jeopardy out of these matches in a way they no longer can.

In the Champions League alone Manchester City, in a campaign they started with three consecutive clean sheets, have conceded nine goals just from the 75th minute onwards in their last six. Theirs is a baffling, inexplicable collective inability to see out matches or sense a tidal shift before being swept away.

The fine wire they were walking became a raging dumpster fire. One of Real’s more innocuous attacks, prompted by a poor Ederson clearance, resulted in the goalkeeper mimicking Gvardiol’s delightful earlier assist by chesting Vinicius’ strong but central shot straight into the literal path of substitute Brahim Diaz, before Mateo Kovacic decided a mid-air backheel towards his own goal was the best course of action when presented with a loose ball on the halfway line.

Lewis handled it dreadfully and Guardiola might well regret throwing him to Vinicius when Manuel Akanji had to be substituted at half-time.

Foden aside, the manager’s substitutions were diabolical; Lewis, Kovacic and Ilkay Gundogan all exacerbated the problems and Omar Marmoush was sent on with no hope of solving them. If not the fresh blood in Abdukodir Khusanov or Nico Gonzalez, then Manchester City still needed some players actually able to vaguely run around in midfield somewhere towards the end.

The Grealish and Akanji injuries undoubtedly disrupted whatever plans Guardiola had carefully laid but Manchester City failed to adequately test a Real defence which cannot feasibly get weaker, and if they are to retain the chance to salvage anything respectable from this campaign they must now add the Bernabeu to this extensive list of stadiums they have won away at since August: Molineux, the King Power, Portman Road, Brisbane Road and Tehelné pole.

Real, with a record of 13 wins, one draw, two defeats, 49 goals scored and 21 conceded, can probably start trying to figure out that Champions League draw.

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