Five unexpected Man Utd gut punches for Ruben Amorim in the longest month of his life
Ruben Amorim wants everyone to know that he was well aware of the difficulty of the task at Manchester United before accepting the job. And while we have no doubt he knew it wasn’t going to be plain sailing, with pain inevitably preceding potential glory given the change of formation and the need for some sort of rebuild, we’re also absolutely convinced he didn’t foresee quite such a mess.
He predicted a “storm” but finds himself in a shower of sh*te, and to be fair to the poor b*stard, few prophesied him having to cope with the following five gut punches, which are key contributors to what must have been one of the longest and most stressful months of his life. Erik ten Hag will be rolling in the aisles.
Marcus Rashford wants out
It all started so well. Rashford was going to be Amorim’s No.9 and he repaid his new manager’s faith in him by scoring three goals in his opening two games, more than he’d managed in his previous 18 Premier League appearances under Ten Hag.
But it always felt as though that was a plan doomed to fail with Rasmus Hojlund the more likely member of the squad to take on the Viktor Gyokeres role thanks to his similar if inferior attributes, and the other two forward positions better suited to pretty much anyone we can think of other than Rashford, whose directness and speed in possession makes him a flying winger and nothing else.
He’s hardly alone in being unsuited to Amorim’s system though, with just one hand required to count the players who fit the 3-4-3 bill, and adaptation may have been possible had Rashford been willing, or at the very least he could have played a key role as a frightening prospect from the bench to pile pressure on tiring opposition defences.
But no, he broke ranks after being dropped for the Manchester derby and announced his desire for a “new challenge” without consulting the club or the manager, who barely had his feet under the table at Old Trafford. We love Rashford and can’t help but wish him well, but it was a d*ck move.
Kobbie Mainoo already browbeaten
The speed of transition from Great Hope to just another member of the downtrodden cast is truly extraordinary. Only at Manchester United could the youthful exuberance be beaten out of a teenager in such record time.
It’s mad to think Mainoo made his full debut for Manchester United a little over a year ago given the bags and crows feet that now adorn his dead, staring eyes. He was Part Of The Old Trafford Furniture in the best possible way come the end of last season before starring for England at Euro 2024, and the same idiom still rings true, except he’s now a dusty, stained armchair imprinted with the buttocks of a long-since dead tenant in a suburban bedsit that the landlord doesn’t have the funds to modernise.
Harry Maguire ‘desperation’
Before we go any further, we like Harry Maguire. He may never have been quite good enough for Manchester United but he rarely deserved the bad rap he received and has never been anywhere near the biggest problem at the club.
At the very least, he gives a damn, and as far as we can work out, that is the chief reason for Amorim ‘pushing for’ the club bosses to trigger the option of extending his contract. The report focuses entirely on Maguire’s character, with Amorim viewing him as a ‘trusted’ and ‘reliable’ member of the dressing room.
He’s also pretty good at football, but United have lost three of the four games he’s started under Amorim, conceding eight goals, which again suggests Amorim’s supposed ‘desperation’ to keep him at the club beyond the summer is less about his defensive capability and more about him not being as much of a pr*ck as the majority of his teammates.
We’re not saying it’s a bad decision, but Manchester United being in a position where they need actual Harry Maguire having been convinced he wasn’t good enough for at least the last two seasons and quite possibly a lot longer, is about as clear an indication of the mess they’re in as any.
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Bruno Fernandes is a problem
While we’re on ‘reliable’ footballers, we don’t think Manchester United have any that tick that box as well as the important requirement of being good enough to play for Manchester United. Sorry, a Manchester United that wins stuff. All of the current dross is good enough for the current Manchester United. They’re ideally suited.
Ruben Amorim will have hoped upon arriving at the club that Bruno Fernandes was a banker in that regard. Obviously a talented chap who was actually starting to act a bit like a captain under Amorim, speaking well and reducing his on-field histrionics to isolated incidents of arm flailing, with his wasp-sucking pouts less frequent.
But his ridiculous sending-off against Wolves – his third red card of the season – feels like a line in the sand for a guy who’s been a crutch for Manchester United since his arrival from Sporting nearly five years ago, and perhaps now needs to be kicked from under the Red Devils for them to rehabilitate properly without him.
Alejandro Garnacho’s not all that
Manchester United fans’ desire to cling to anything offering a semblance of a brighter future led many to overstate the burgeoning talents of Garnacho to an astonishing degree.
Compared at various points to Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and David Beckham, his displays under Amorim have shown a great dearth of talent when measured against those players, with the grit and desire to improve that that trio had in abundance so severely lacking in Garnacho to make such comparisons laughable and insulting.
FIFA have hardly helped Manchester United by handing him an undeserved Puskas award for his acrobatic goal against Everton, with the spoiled little boy’s legs already struggling under the weight of his big head.
