Arsenal face paltry £14.1m run-in but bitter Premier League rivals have £33.9m to play for
Only the relegated three have less prize money to play for than Arsenal, whose bitter rivals face a massive difference between their best and worst pay-out.
It is time to calculate Premier League prize money payments, but also how much each team is playing for in the final month of the season.
Ipswich, Leicester and Southampton – £5.7m (18th to 20th)
The bottom three are left fighting for scraps, with relegation confirmed and only the order of their misery to be determined.
It seems safe to assume Southampton might finish at the foot of the Premier League table, considering Ipswich and Leicester have accrued a combined 20 points from a possible 126 since the start of December and still the Saints have been unable to close the gap to either.
That leaves Ipswich and Leicester in an unbecoming struggle for about £2.8m, with the Tractor Boys three points ahead and already exploring the option of just siphoning it all into Liam Delap’s bank account to stave off interest from All The Football Clubs in their Championship cheat code this summer.
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Arsenal (2nd to 7th) and West Ham (12th to 17th) – £14.1m
It could be argued that Arsenal will deem an actual Champions League semi-final second leg as their priority for the rest of the season, but any self-respecting club knows that qualifying for the competition is far more important – and coincidentally more lucrative – than actually winning it.
Arsenal have extracted almost £100m from 13 matches in Europe, compared to the £173.7m they stand to take home from a 38-game Premier League season. And when the next stage of Mikel Arteta’s process won’t pay for itself that matters.
It would take a cataclysmic collapse for the Gunners to fall out of the top five but they will know to keep their eye on the ball. The difference in value between 2nd and a possible fall to 7th is equivalent to 94% of an Andrey Arshavin, which really could be the final piece of the jigsaw.
West Ham are so miserable they already appear to have broken Graham Potter.
Spurs – £16.9m (11th to 17th)
A remarkably handsome and hilariously poorly-hung cynic might argue that Spurs are jockeying for a pay-out which would cover at least one manager’s severance package while going towards the compensation due to their sacked successor.
Then again a realist would point out that while finishing 11th is theoretically possible, it is arguably unlikely for a side 12 points behind Brentford with four games remaining.
The dream does remain on for Spurs, who are agonisingly close to breaking numerous club-record nadirs as well as lowering Premier League bars for most defeats in a season and worst finish with a positive goal difference.
Everton – £19.7m (10th to 17th)
It would be a shame if Everton finished well enough to bring in a healthy amount of money to throw around in the transfer market on marquee players; the most expensive signing David Moyes has ever made as Toffees manager should always be Marouane Fellaini.
Newcastle (2nd to 10th) and Manchester United (9th to 17th) – £22.5m
There should be an almighty splurge emanating from St James’ Park either way this summer, with the champions of the Carabao world having tightened purse strings and crawled through PSR loopholes for three straight transfer windows.
Eddie Howe should not need to sacrifice any exciting homegrown players at the pure profit altar, nor cash any nine-figure cheques in on Alexander Isak to inject his squad with overdue reinforcements.
But there is a substantial enough difference between finishing mid-table and in the top three or four to be a motivating factor for a strong finish, even before taking into account the absurdly vast difference between qualification for the Champions League and Conference League.
As for Manchester United, captain redundancy Sir Jim Ratcliffe should be furious at the club’s wilful torching of prize money but no round of shameful sit-down interviews have been planned yet. And their pursuit of a back-door sneak into the Champions League should probably take precedence over trying to avoid a bottom-half finish everyone came to terms with in November.
Chelsea, Manchester City and Nottingham Forest – £25.3m (2nd to 11th)
The race for Champions League qualification has provided a tantalising hook to close this Premier League season and it promises to go down to the wire, perhaps all the way to Chelsea’s visit of Nottingham Forest on the final day.
It is wonderfully dystopian to see perhaps the Premier League’s three most prominent proponents of the multi-club ownership model thrash it out over who gets to pretend to cede control in one of their clubs first, but those ungodly rich owners will know that the prize money from their best and worst possible finishes from here could be the decisive factor in signing the next prodigious 16-year-old Brazilian forward.
Wolves – £25.4m (8th to 17th)
The decision to part with Gary O’Neil has been entirely vindicated and more, with Vitor Pereira’s impact suggesting a mid-season manager change is worth it if you just get the right man in.
Wolves were 19th when he took over and while their highest possible finish of 8th would require a couple of collapses from the teams above while the Molineux side continue their ludicrous form, that call has been worth millions in the context of this season alone.
Aston Villa (2nd to 12th) and Crystal Palace (7th to 17th) – £28.1m
Even if Crystal Palace achieve the unthinkable by exorcising the ghost of dancing Alan Pardew by beating Manchester City to win the FA Cup at Wembley, their entire payment from that tournament would be dwarfed by them finishing a couple of places higher in the Premier League.
Granted, they might not receive a trophy, medals, career-defining glory or lifelong memories by coming 10th rather than 12th, but it is the sort of thing executives will be mindful of.
The accountants at Aston Villa will be stressing the need to correct their slight slump and deliver Champions League qualification, because their wage structure really might collapse in on itself without it.
Bournemouth (4th to 15th), Brighton and Fulham (3rd to 14th) – £31m
That charming menagerie of wonderfully run but magnificently volatile clubs just below the Champions League chasers are still competing for European qualification places which should trickle down the table based on other competitions.
None have been quite consistent enough to sustain a push for the VIP seats but there is every chance two of Bournemouth, Brighton and Fulham are feasting on some Europa or Conference fare next season. But with Villa six points ahead and Brentford four behind, they might be battling between themselves.
Brentford – £33.9m (4th to 16th)
It is fitting that no-one has such a chasm between their ceiling and floor as the team which has spent the entire season in comically exclusively brilliant home or away form without ever coming close to being excellent or even just good at both simultaneously. Brentford could still mathematically be among the worst of the rest or be booking flights to Madrid and Paris next season, even if they are the most 11th-placed Premier League team to have existed.