Ranking Premier League clubs by how much they should give a damn about the FA Cup
It’s the fourth round of the FA Cup and there are 17 Premier League teams left after Arsenal, Brentford and West Ham fell at the first hurdle.
But which of those remaining should give a damn about The Oldest Competition In World Football? We’ve ranked them by the level of sh*ts given, from least to most.
17) Wolves
Vitor Pereira won’t want to lose to Blackburn on Sunday because losing is rubbish, but if Wolves were offered the opportunity to not play in the FA Cup he would surely take up that option.
16) Nottingham Forest
They’ve gone from ignoring the FA Cup with a view to survive in the Premier League to ignoring it with designs on Champions League football in the space of a season. Incredible.
15) Leicester
We imagine Ruud van Nistelrooy is rather more keen on Leicester being in the hat for the fifth round than the majority of Foxes stakeholders. With the 6-2 victory over QPR one of just two results – along with the 2-1 win over Spurs – to break up a run of eight defeats, he must have questioned his decision to take on the job at the King Power Stadium on several occasions over the last couple of months.
Getting one over on the man who sent him packing from Old Trafford would offer sweet respite from the creeping doubts over his future in management. But he will be aware that beating Ruben Amorim and Manchester United in the FA Cup is a rather less pressing need than picking up Premier League points in a relegation battle.
14) Bournemouth
They’re currently three points off the top four and just one point off fifth spot, which currently looks likely to be enough for Champions League football next season. We wouldn’t give our blessing to any club throwing in the FA Cup towel, but if anyone is worthy of forgiveness in doing so it’s little ol’ Bournemouth and Andoni Iraola, who has his eyes on a much bigger (or at least far more lucrative) prize.
13) Ipswich
Kalvin Phillips will act as the barometer for sh*ts given by Kieran McKenna; we expect him to start this game.
12) Aston Villa
Thirty years is a long time without a trophy but while they remain in the Champions League that should be their focus; qualifying for Europe next season will be next up in the list of priorities for Unai Emery and his side. Absolutely worth tuning in for the Tottenham game to see Marcus Rashford’s debut.
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11) Manchester City
While Pep Guardiola would ideally like to avoid a potless season for the first time since his debut campaign in English football, which will surely be the case if they’re knocked out by Leyton Orient on Saturday, we’re guessing he and the Manchester City bosses are rather more concerned with qualification for next season’s Champions League and its PSR knock-on effects.
10) Liverpool
F*** it, why not? They look like they’re going to win everything else at a canter and have somehow discovered how to avoid injuries entirely, so while the quadruple remains a possibility Arne Slot may as well go for it, or rather not fail to go for it, which will be enough for them to claim the gong at this rate.
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9) Southampton
They’re going down so may as well go all out against Burnley, before waving at them as they yo-yo in opposite directions at the end of the season.
8) Everton
David Moyes has returned and suddenly we like Everton again. We would like nothing more than seeing him decked out in a cute little suit at Wembley at the end of the season, and after a quite brilliant start to his second Toffees spell, which sees them now nine points clear of the relegation zone, they may as well give it a go.
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7) Chelsea
For a club with winning supposedly in its blood, Chelsea haven’t won for a while, and having lost their last six Wembley finals they’re starting to get a reputation as The Nearly Men of English football, with the domestic cup spotlight very much on them following the efforts of the billion-pound bottle jobs in the Carabao final last season.
A return to the Champions League is obviously the priority, so Enzo Maresca may hand responsibility over to the Conference League side against Brighton, but Cole Palmer should be given the chance to shiver if they get past the Seagulls, if not before.
6) Brighton
They’ve made the semi-finals twice since promotion to the Premier League but the fans would dearly love to win a trophy to give them something tangible to show for their extraordinary rise. They’re also currently in that Might As Well group in mid-table who could qualify for Europe but probably won’t, and Fabian Hurzeler – though not in immediate danger of losing his job – would love a marquee win over Chelsea after the 7-0 shellacking by Nottingham Forest.
5) Crystal Palace
They’ve not won a domestic trophy and we’re guessing the Palace fans would dearly love a new Wembley memory to rid them of the image of Alan Pardew dancing with them 1-0 up against Manchester United before heartbreaking defeat nine years ago. In the Not Getting Relegated But Can’t Qualify For Europe sweet spot for FA Cup focus.
4) Newcastle
Their wonderfully comfortable win over Arsenal in the Carabao Cup reduces the need slightly but they would have been hoping against hope that Tottenham could cling to their slender lead against Liverpool.
It wasn’t to be and while they’ve got a decent chance in a one-off game against Arne Slot’s high-flying Reds and Eddie Howe may be tempted to take most of the Magpie eggs out of the FA Cup basket as he balances the unbridled desire for a trophy with the PSR-enforced need for Champions League football, they could do with keeping their name in the hat until the Carabao Cup final at least.
3) Fulham
They’ve never won a domestic cup and haven’t made a final since their FA Cup defeat to West Ham in 1975, and having got a bit of a taste for it last season, when Liverpool knocked them out in the Carabao semi-final, a cup run after victory over Wigan on Saturday would be firmly in the That Would Be Nice category for Fulham fans.
They would also thoroughly enjoy some European away days, though are probably pragmatic enough to know that qualification is unlikely through the Premier League despite their fine season so far.
2) Manchester United
Ruben Amorim needs to win games of football as the manager of Manchester United. He’s managed just nine in 19 games so far and it needs to happen no matter the competition. He will look at the ill-advised patience and leeway afforded to Erik ten Hag courtesy of his two cup victories and fancy a bit of that.
Although the Premier League is the bread and butter, he may well look at their position and think European football is already beyond them while relegation surely, SURELY isn’t on the cards. Maybe he can save his Kobbie-Mainoo-at-No.9-type experimentation madness for the league and field his best team in the cup competitions in a bid to have something to show for what otherwise looks set to be a harrowing first season in English football.
1) Tottenham
Ange Postecoglou’s ill-advised insistence that he “always wins a trophy in the second season” took a significant hit on Thursday as he watched his Tottenham side get battered by Liverpool in a wholly predictable tie-turning game at Anfield.
It leaves him with two remaining trophy chances – the Europa League and the FA Cup – and while on current form we wouldn’t give them a cat in hell’s chance of winning either, if they can somehow find the requisite quality and energy to beat Aston Villa on Sunday, by the time the fifth round comes around at the end of February they may well have some key players back to give them a boost and drive them towards that first gong since 2008.
