Rash, bang, wallop
The bizarre pretence that Marcus Rashford is a striker continues in The Sun, where Neil Custis does Manchester United’s bidding by explaining exactly why they do not need Harry Kane, just after Tottenham made it clear that they could not actually have Harry Kane.
‘MANCHESTER UNITED are refusing to spend big bucks on Harry Kane – because Ole Gunnar Solskjaer believes he already has the finished article.
‘Soon after taking over as Old Trafford boss last season, Solskjaer took Rashford to one side and told him he would be as good as Spurs star Kane.’
Now we firmly believe that Manchester United should not be breaking records to sign the incredibly expensive Kane, but let’s not try and spin this as some kind of endorsement of Rashford, who is no longer a striker according to him, his manager or indeed any sane person who has ever seen him play.
Pesky fact: Only six of his 22 Premier League starts this season have come as a striker.
‘Rash, 22, was enjoying his best scoring season with 19 before a back injury cut short his campaign in January.’
Yes and ‘Rash’ (for f***’s sake) scored only four of those 19 goals as a striker.
‘During Rashford’s KO, Solskjaer converted Anthony Martial from a wide player to a No 9 with good results.’
Simply not true. Martial has not played as a wide player all season; he has been United’s first-choice No.9 for the entirety of the Premier League campaign.
But why deal with the pesky truth when you are busy peddling the notion that United will not buy goal machine Harry Kane because they already have goal machine Rash?
Elsewhere on The Sun website: ‘Marcus Rashford has admitted he would have risked life and limb for his country to play in Euro 2020.’
Pretty sure that playing at a tournament when not 100% fit is not actually a risk to life.
Closer than close
Elsewhere in Manchester Propaganda Land (this time the MEN): ‘Manchester United are close to unleashing their next academy star.’
In reality, Manchester United aren’t even close to playing football.
C-c-c-c-called a u-turn
‘No relegation is a nice idea but it’s just Blooming impractical,’ is an apt headline for Stan Collymore’s latest column in the Daily Mirror in which he says that teams in the relegation zone need to ‘lump it’ and accept relegation if the season cannot be completed.
‘I know people will argue the clubs signed up to a 38-game competition and that they shouldn’t be relegated if the season isn’t fulfilled, but we’re never going to get a perfect solution.
‘I’d argue teams shouldn’t be in that position after 29 games, so they only have themselves to blame.’
Which is a remarkable u-turn from just over a month ago when one Stanley Victor Collymore came up with his own ‘solution’ to the issue:
‘I know that would lead to problems with relegation. Because teams will say, ‘Well, hang on, look at our run-in, it’s easier than theirs and we think we’d have got out of trouble’.
‘So to avoid any complaints or even litigation, the best thing would be to not relegate anyone.’
That’s just Blooming impractical, Stan.
No alarms and no surprises
Oddly, Martin Samuel of the Daily Mail is now telling us that the £300m Newcastle takeover is close to completion – and crowing that Mike Ashley ‘stands to bank a sum in the region of £17million if the sale of Newcastle United does not go through’ – just days after claiming that the deal was being held up by the Saudis refusing to pay the ‘difference between the £340m Mike Ashley wants for Newcastle and the £300m believed to be on offer’.
It turns out that was – as we suspected – utter nonsense. Samuel now writes that ‘the sale price was set at £340m – but it was reduced to £300m as economic circumstances changed’.
So does that mean the ‘alarm bells’ have stopped ringing?
And can we also confirm now that Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang is officially a better captain than either Jordan Henderson or Harry Maguire?
‘Xherdan Shaqiri situation has left everyone ‘frustrated’ and exit now looks inevitable’ – Liverpool Echo.
Those quote marks suggest that somebody – probably somebody relevant – has used the word ‘frustrated’. Ideally quite recently.
They do not suggest that Jurgen Klopp used the word ‘frustrating’ to describe Shaqiri’s injuries back in January.
Headline in The Sun: ‘Seaman backs Pickford to beat Henderson to England No1 spot…if he can toughen up.’
Opening paragraph in The Sun: ‘DAVID SEAMAN has told Jordan Pickford he has to toughen up if he wants to stay England No 1.’
Number of times David Seaman says that Jordan Pickford needs to ‘toughen up’: None.
Number of times David Seaman even implies that Jordan Pickford needs to ‘toughen up’: Also none.
The one thing we definitely weren’t missing about football was Messi v Ronaldo…
‘How Ronaldo and Messi stay fit at home but whose training regime is tougher? We rate their fitness workouts and diets’ – The Sun.
Oh do f*** off.
Still, is it worse than the Daily Mirror merrily pretending that they have consulted Ronaldo about his ‘ultimate XI’…
‘Ronaldo’s ultimate XI named as Manchester United legends Ferdinand, Giggs and Rooney make the cut’
…when all they have actually done is put together an XI of footballers who have played the most games alongside Ronaldo?
So ‘Ferdinand, Giggs and Rooney make the cut’ because maths.
We could not keep away from the camera for long so we made a Football365 Isolation Show. Watch it, subscribe and share until we get back in the studio/pub and produce something a little slicker…