How Ronaldo has already cocked up his own Chelsea transfer after Rooney ‘savages’ him

Date published: Wednesday 14th December 2022 3:55 - Editor F365

Ronaldo with the Chelsea badge

Oh Ronaldo. Silly, unemployed Ronaldo. He really should have thought before opening his mouth in 2019 about Joao Felix.


Benz out of shape
Mediawatch has learned many things from all the watching of the media over the years, but one of the principle lessons is this: The Sun only roll out the ‘REVEALED’ tag when it is absolute bollocks. It’s a tell. It might as well just say ‘BOLLOCKS’ rather than ‘REVEALED’.

And so it is with their latest revelation: ‘Karim Benzema available for France in World Cup final due to incredible loophole after making ‘full injury recovery”.

To run through this quickly…

1) France are not in the World Cup final yet.

2) It’s not a ‘loophole’ that ‘man in French squad can play for France’. That’s just a fact.

3) France will not recall Karim Benzema.



We mind the BOLLOCKS actually
See also the BOLLOCKS that is this SEO-tastic headline:

‘The four records Lionel Messi broke for Argentina vs Croatia.. and the two he can still add to the haul this World Cup’

This is just plain wrong…

‘Messi is now the ALL-TIME record appearance maker at the World Cup.

‘He came into the tournament with 20 appearances to his name, but now has 26 having played in every game on the way to the final.

‘It means he has eclipsed the previous record of 25 which was held by German Lothar Matthaus.’

Nope. BOLLOCKS. He is now on 25 alongside Matthaus and will eclipse him on Sunday.

And this is just plain fanciful…

‘There is one final record Messi would have had half an eye on coming to Qatar – even though there was a very slim chance of him breaking it.

‘His five goals in Qatar mean he now has 11 at the World Cup, but he is still five behind the competition’s all-time top scorer, Miroslav Klose, who has 16.

‘And with just one game remaining for Messi at the 2022 edition, it means he needs SIX in the final to break the German’s record.’



Silly Savage
The story on the Mirror website: ‘Wayne Rooney savages Cristiano Ronaldo with Lionel Messi dig as he doubles down on stance’

Definition of ‘savages’ when used as a verb: ‘Attack ferociously and maul.’

The tweet:

Is he going to need actual surgery after that mauling?

Elsewhere, ”Nothing has changed’: Wayne Rooney doubles down on his claims from 2012 that Lionel Messi is ‘the GREATEST player of all time’ after the Argentine’s stunning display against Croatia – as he again snubs his ex-Man United team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo’ is the MailOnline take.

He also ‘snubbed’ every single other player in the entire history of the sport; list them all and it would only be a tad longer than the average MailOnline headline.


Q and A session
Question asked by talkSPORT in a naked grab for Google clicks: ‘Why isn’t Sergio Aguero playing for Argentina at the World Cup? Man City legend misses Qatar for very sad reason.’

Answer provided by Mediawatch, hopefully saving you a click: Because he is not a footballer anymore.


Madd about the boy
As the World Cup segues into the return of the Premier League and the opening of the transfer window, we are going to see some absolute tosh on football websites trying to bridge that gap.

One of the first out of the blocks are the Newcastle Evening Chronicle with this utter guff:

‘James Maddison’s words to Harry Kane as good as hint at the transfer profile Newcastle want’

There weren’t even any ‘words to Harry Kane’; just a bog-standard Instagram post that read ‘No one in world football I would have rather had stood over that penalty. We win together and lose together.’

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is ‘as good as hint at the transfer profile Newcastle want’. He’s a team player, you see. Newcastle would not be interested in any of those legions of footballers who would sh*t-post about their international captain after he missed a penalty.

Sign him up, Eddie; he’s not an absolute tw*t.


Cristiano crowbar
But the real quest for clicks is still sending most outlets crawling in the direction of Ronaldo, like Eurosport with this headline, which comes complete with a free crowbar:

‘Chelsea could reignite Cristiano Ronaldo pursuit due to Armando Broja injury, Joao Felix loan bid rumoured – paper round.’

The ‘paper’ in question is the Evening Standard, who write about the Broja injury and then include this very last line: ‘They may need a temporary option to fill the gap in the short-term with Atletico Madrid’s Joao Felix possibly available on a loan deal with an option to buy and former target Cristiano Ronaldo available as a free agent.’

And that’s all he (Nizaar Kinsella) wrote. Which is enough for Eurosport to claim that ‘Chelsea could reignite Cristiano Ronaldo pursuit’. Well they could.

But worse are with this story, which really could be filed under ‘shameless sh*t’:

‘Cristiano Ronaldo has already given Chelsea and Arsenal blessing on Joao Felix transfer switch’

Regular readers of Mediawatch will have spotted the ‘already’, which basically means ‘these are old quotes and are absolutely nothing to do with the situation in question but f*** it, it’s been a quiet day’.

‘Cristiano Ronaldo’s previous claims on striker Joao Felix may have given Arsenal and Chelsea the blessings they need to pursue a transfer in January. It comes as both London sides have been linked with a switch for the Portugal international as an option in the winter transfer window.’

A few things:

1) These ‘previous claims’ came in 2019 when Joao Felix joined Atletico Madrid.

2) Why the hell would Arsenal or Chelsea need the ‘blessing/blessings’ of Ronaldo.

3) Ronaldo really should have realised three-and-a-half years ago that he could seriously cock up his own chances of joining Chelsea in January 2023 by praising Joao Felix. Short-sighted that, fella. Lionel Messi would never make that mistake.

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