It’s Ronaldo v Rashford in a raging battle of the Manchester United clicks as football pauses

Editor F365
Ronaldo enters the pitch in place of Marcus Rashford for Manchester United

There’s no football so Ronaldo and Marcus Rashford dominate the football media because Manchester United.

 

Do one, Ron Ron Ron
You think nothing is happening in football? Fools. The Sun have an exclusive.

‘Man Utd stars believe Cristiano Ronaldo will push for January transfer after losing place to Marcus Rashford’

And there we were thinking that Ronaldo – having made four consecutive substitutes’ appearances in the Premier League – would be utterly chuffed with the situation and would definitely try to stop scrambling his way out of the club.

But then we don’t have a ‘source’ inside the Manchester United dressing-room like Richard Moriarty.

‘MANCHESTER UNITED stars believe Cristiano Ronaldo is still angling for a move – and has his eye on a January exit.’

Still? Are Manchester United not now magically in the Champions League?

‘SunSport exclusively revealed on Saturday how Erik ten Hag is confident of winning the Premier League this season… with Marcus Rashford leading the line instead on the five-time Ballon d’Or winner.’

Mediawatch is sorry to have missed that particular exclusive because it sounds like an absolute belter.

What next from inside the Manchester United dressing-room? Because Moriarty’s claim in May that Jesse Lingard could stay means we now hang on his every impeccably sourced word.

 

Beauty and the Beast
Sticking with Ronaldo (ish), the Mirror website have activated their own beast mode with this cracker:

‘Lisandro Martinez “beast” claim shows Man Utd ace cut from same cloth as Cristiano Ronaldo’

Is he also sulking? Seems odd; he is at least in the Manchester United team.

No, it turns out that a weekend exclusive from The Sun (Moriarty has been hella busy) quoted a ‘source’ as saying: “Martinez is a beast. He trains exactly how he plays. He tackles and fights and does whatever it takes to win.”

And of course ‘Cristiano Ronaldo has often been branded a “beast” during his career for how he carries himself physically and how he performs on the training field. It seems as though Martinez has replicated some of Ronaldo’s ideas on the training field and Ten Hag’s ethos seems to be getting stronger.’

It really does ‘seem’ that way, and that is definitely a big old slice of Manchester United news in no way designed to crowbar Ronaldo into a headline. Oh no.

 

Rash decisions
Of course, one reason for Ronaldo not playing for Manchester United despite being a ‘beast’, is the form of Marcus Rashford as a striker.

Obviously Rashford did not play as a striker this weekend as there was no football, but there are clicks to be had regardless so…

‘Jose Mourinho’s verdict on Marcus Rashford playing as a No 9 as Man Utd star shines again’

Mediawatch was surprised to see the Express website break this story but Mourinho is still in management at Roma so it’s perfectly reasonable that he might be giving ‘his verdict on Marcus Rashford playing as a No 9 as Man Utd shines again’ (eight days ago).

But do you know what’s apparently much more reasonable? Dredging up quotes from 2019 – when Rashford was 21 – from Jose Mourinho on Rashford playing as a No 9.

‘As’, my arse.

 

More Rash decisions
But Mediawatch absolutely knows what has happened here; the Express (and Jack Otway) have scored a hit with Sunday’s Marcus Rashford headline so have gone again. We’ve all done it – F365 is currently trapped in a Thomas Tuchel click circle.

So what was the Rashford headline that banged on Sunday?

‘Manchester United now have a second Marcus Rashford at the club after new development’

Wow. A second Marcus Rashford? Another young player about to break through, be brilliant, start feeding kids, annoy some white people, get a bit sh*t at football and then improve? Name him.

‘Not for the first time, it’s emerged Ole Gunnar Solskjaer played an injured player during his time in the Manchester United dugout. Marcus Rashford has previously admitted he graced the field when crocked, on the orders of his manager. Now, Anthony Martial has followed suit…’

Oh.

We don’t know whether to fall to our knees in despair or awe.

 

On a warm summer’s evening…
There’s obviously a theme developing here as the Mirror website go big on the boy from Manchester too…

‘Marcus Rashford’s transfer gamble pays off after lowest point of Man Utd career’

It turns out that his ‘transfer gamble’ was not to leave the club where he has spent the entirety of his career, even though – as we have pointed out a zillion times – it really was not up to him.

‘It felt like Rashford was taking the ultimate gamble by deciding to stick rather than twist – but it’s paid off handsomely.’

With all due respect…did it f***.

There were no bids from other clubs so there was no decision to make. And is it ever the ‘ultimate gamble’ to carry on doing what you have been doing pretty much all your life?

Popping your Cherries
Elsewhere on the Mirror website, ‘Jurgen Klopp must make three ruthless decisions ahead of Liverpool vs Ajax clash’.

One of those ‘ruthless decisions’ should apparently be the axing of Trent Alexander-Arnold because ‘discounting the Reds’ 9-0 thrashing of Bournemouth, the 23-year-old has failed to provide a goal or an assist in six matches – a poor return for a player of his quality’.

Because famously, goals don’t count against Bournemouth. Which is why Erling Haaland couldn’t be arsed to score against them.