Setting up a manager for a fall: a how-to guide

Daniel Storey

Setting up a manager for a fall: A how-to guide.
‘The World Cup, yet another World Cup, is about to pass England by. This is one of leanest England squads in living memory, light on genuine world-class footballers and well short of the quality needed to go deep into a World Cup.’

‘This is one of England’s weakest squads in years, lacking big-game experience and the extra shot of quality needed to compete at the highest level.’

‘To get to a quarter-final with this lot looks beyond reach’ – Neil Ashton, The Sun, March 2018.

‘This is England, our England for goodness sake, and this football-crazy country demands a group of players who can compete with Brazil, with France, or Uruguay. That’s just the way it is.

‘Southgate and his stars can change the course of history tonight. There is no better time to break the spell. They can do this, they really can. Forget Iceland, forget inhibitions, forget inexperience’ – Neil Ashton, The Sun, July 2018.

Yes, forget all those things you wrote four sodding months ago. If they don’t do it now it will be failure. What a bloody surprise.

 

That front page
We expect jingoistic bluster as standard from The Sun, a publication that has perennially used major international tournaments to whip up a storm of patriotic pride. It’s a little pathetic, but basically harmless.

But then there is The Sun’s other trick, not just talking up England but demeaning our opponents for reasons of…well we’re not quite sure actually. Dog-whistling? Indecency? Shock value? Or is just not possible to support our national football team without being offensive to other countries? We are English, after all.

The whole thing is reductive nonsense, but it’s the drug pun that lingers longest and leaves the most unpleasant taste. Haha! Colombia, that’s just known for drugs right?! ROFL. Hello satire! Those headline-writers must have bruises from all the back-slapping.

After all, it’s clearly a topic worthy of front-page guffawing. Not as if a Colombian player was actually murdered by a drug cartel after a previous World Cup. Not as if casual racism and stereotyping on the front page of a national newspaper is anything to be ashamed of.

Mediawatch does wonder what Harry Kane makes of it all, his face and name used as a crowbar for a joke about drugs when he was merely posing for a marketing campaign. Presumably he is rightly p*ssed off by the whole thing, and more than slightly embarrassed. Still, worth p*ssing off your best player for a front page, isn’t it?

It’s odd that The Sun would make jokes about such a serious subject, given that the same newspaper believed Raheem Sterling was glorifying gun violence with a tattoo. Do you see the irony, guys?

Delightful too that The Sun on Sunday’s front-page headline two days ago read ‘Katie’s cocaine shame’, reporting that Katie Price had ‘dabbled’ with the drug. Forty-eight hours later, it’s a topic for much amusement. Even by their own low standards, that’s a leap.

Thought we could support the England team without being offensive? Silly you. Thought The Sun had grown out of insensitive, jingoistic headlines? You’re a fool. It’s almost enough to make us support Colombia…

 

It’s all beginning to unravel
‘England manager Gareth Southgate, who has strictly limited his exposure to the English written press since arriving in Russia, has long thought that giving too much to the media can be counter-productive.

‘The same sort of strategy also applies to Harry Kane, who as England captain didn’t even attend the pre-match conference on Monday before England’s most important game for four years. Ashley Young was alongside Southgate.

‘Previous captains Wayne Rooney and Steven Gerrard never missed the pre-match media requirements’ – Charlie Sale, Daily Mail.

Which is why we won all those tourname… oh.

 

Clickbaiting a potential terrorist attack
On Tuesday morning, the World Cup homepage on The Sun’s website carries a story about a bomb scare, which we can all agree is big news. The headline is predictably sensational, but why not? After all, this is a potential terrorist attack: ‘Russia World Cup security threat as sniffer dogs find suspicious bag near Kremlin in Moscow’.

You will notice the deliberate use of the present tense there, as if this is an ongoing story. Dig down a little into the article, and that seems false:

‘RUSSIAN police cordoned off a Moscow building today near a World Cup fan zone after finding a suspicious bag. A sniffer dog which was spotted investigating the object which was located near the Kremlin building.

‘The street was briefly cordoned off because of the large black bag found in front of a shop in Nikolskaya. Cops have now removed the barriers.’

So now we have the past tense, and a non-story. Police saw a potentially suspicious item, acted appropriately, cleared the situation without any panic – presumably the item was just a bag and nothing dangerous – and re-opened the scene.

Mediawatch could just about stomach this faux-panic if The Sun had not run further with it, but they are not finished. The following are lines taken from that same story:

‘ISIS called for lone-wolf World Cup attacks in a series of chilling posters which show bomb blasts at Russian stadiums.’

‘ISIS has threatened to attack football fans at the World Cup next month’ (at least change the words if you’re going to regurgitate old nonsense).

‘the terror group released a photo of a jihadi with a blood-stained mini-van in the foreground along with the caption “Russia”.’

‘They are suspected of involvement “in the Jama’at al-Tawhid wal-Jihad terrorist group”, an affiliate of ISIS which is banned in Russia.’

‘Armed Russian agents are seen storming a ground floor flat in the Russian outpost on the Baltic Sea.’

It was just a bag, guys. And you should be ashamed of misleading stories on potential terrorist attacks to garner clicks.

 

Just don’t think you understand
Wrote Stan Collymore in his Daily Mirror column a fortnight ago:

‘Games last 90 minutes and the group phase lasts two weeks. So there’s plenty of time for things to change.

‘And that people make such sweeping ­statements so quickly is a reminder of how little some of them watch ­football and really ­understand it these days.’

Wrote Stan Collymore in his Daily Mirror column a week ago:

‘Don’t be under any illusions about Germany just because they came within a few seconds of needing snookers to stay in the World Cup.

‘Whichever team finishes one goal better off than manager Joachim Low and his German side will probably win the World Cup.’

Funnily enough, Collymore doesn’t mention Germany in this week’s column. Perhaps he was too busy ‘watching football and really understanding’ it.

 

Not that people are getting a little carried away, but…
…‘Alli can be the greatest’ shouts the Daily Mirror headline on John Cross’ perfectly reasonable piece.

Making a Muhammad Ali pun doesn’t make it reasonable. Especially when you follow with ‘Dele’s back and can lead new generation of world stars’.

A reminder: We have beaten Tunisia and Panama.

 

Plea bargain
‘Sky Sports News understands Nice have already rejected a Newcastle bid worth up to £27m, while West Ham have offered the same fee for the player.

‘It is understood the French side want £26.6m (€30m) for the 25-year-old, who began his career at Lyon before moving to Nice in August 2014’ – Sky Sports.

So they rejected £27m because they want £26.6m? Too much understanding, not enough counting.

 

‘Exclusive’ of the day
‘Almost 50 million nervous Colombians are today living in fear of one man – England’s goal machine’ – The Sun ‘exclusive’.

Exclusive, and also absolute b*llocks. Unless you talked to all of them. And for their sake we hope that you didn’t.

 

Journalism of the day

‘England should be on to a winner today after The Sun’s Oliver Harvey tried to keep the Colombia team up all night with a bugle.’

Weird that England aren’t more liked, isn’t it? Remember during the team leak fiasco when journalists (rightly) argued that their role was not one of cheerleader. Not sure everyone got the memo.

‘We had a toot outside their Moscow hotel. Colombian fan Pulpito Hincha asked us to stop, saying: “Please respect the peace and tranquility of our team.”’

Mediawatch loves the politeness in response to such d*ckery. A reminder: You’re a sodding journalist. Have some self-respect and decency.

 

Recommended reading of the day
Jere Longman on the Crimean soccer league.

Jonathan Liew on England.

David Squires on the World Cup’s last 16 so far.