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When I was 15 I was on a date and we wandered around Chinatown in London and went into the most authentic place we found.
The menu was characters with very poor English translations underneath.
One of the dishes was “Egg with the meat bird” so OBVIOUSLY I had to order it.
It arrived and it was a big round earthenware dish with a gelatinous beige layer of vindictive evil flobbling around on top, like Satans lemon curd but the colour of a hearing aid and the consistency of misery.
I pushed my spoon through this travesty and broke through to the meat bird layer with a damp organic sound as the membrane was pierced, similar to when the eggs open up in Alien.
What followed was a smell unlike anything I’ve ever known to be associated with food. It was an oily pungent stench that leapt to the back of your throat and nostrils and coated itself over them. It was both rancid meat and rotting eggs and thousands of years of repressed hatred of the white man all at once.
Wiping tears from my eyes I was aware in my peripheral vision of my date gagging and recoiling, and a spreading circle of horrified silence moving rapidly away from our table as the smell hit the other diners, followed closely by a second spreading circle of scraping chairs and a quietly desperate rush for the door.
Under the layer of what I now knew to be biohazard protective eggy depression was a layer of bird embryos that had been fermented in what I can only assume was the acidic urine of the offspring of a jar of sulphur and a carton of primary school milk left in the sunshine on the last day of the spring term and not discovered until September.
Tiny whole bird embryos, beaks half open, eyes glazed, drowned in the liquid Jabba the Hutt orgasms.
That was the worst stench I’ve ever experienced, until I watched United’s midfield display against Bournemouth.
PS: Bruno Fernandes was man of the match with a goal and an assist for Sporting on Thursday. Thank God United saved themselves from his inaccurate passing.
Really set-piecing me off
I think it’s about 10 years since Manchester United took a good corner.
Mark Danger Endicott, MUFC
Just to be clear, bringing on a bunch of kids for their first or second league games when you’re 1-0 down away from home with ten minutes to go isn’t “giving youth a chance”. You’re burying them under a mountain of responsibility and putting them in a position where they are very unlikely to thrive.
Young players have more chance of performing with the benefit of some home support and preferably getting their early experience of professional football when things are comfortable and the pressure on the result has already been removed. I accept that some will do well but I’d argue most won’t handle this much pressure so early in their careers.
Maybe he simply has no other choice, and maybe he’s telling them to not think about the score and just enjoy themselves. But if he isn’t then OGS is a sh*t manager of youth. I actually feel bad for players like Williams who seem decent but aren’t getting an appropriate platform to find their feet and thus perform.
It reminds me a bit of Insua at Liverpool who was forced to keep playing left back when Aurelio was injured despite the fact he was playing poorly week after week and being targeted constantly. Insua was seen as a huge talent by Benitez (had a decent eye for talent) and now he plays for Stuttgart. Did those early nightmares at Liverpool spoil his career?
So long Ole and thanks for the fish you useless git
Well played, Villa
Phew! Liverpool certainly make it hard to catch your breath. Winning on penalties in mid-week after coming back to draw 5-5 and then coming back from being 1-0 down to win 2-1 in injury time. Certainly Klopp has instilled a strong will to win in this squad. Still very early doors yet, but they have come back to win some very close games and that has to bode well for the long schedule.
But really wanted to give a shout out to Villa. Wow. They played so well. Great game plan from Dean Smith. Clearly not a park the bus plan – albeit they defended well and kept their shape – they did attack too and not just on the counter. Nice to see a team playing the top sides in a positive way. Has to bode well for the future. They brought in a lot of new players as they had so many loanees last year, so guessing it has been taking some time to gel.
As I watched Villa, having only seen snippets from the short ‘match of the day’ samples, I was impressed and wondered how they are not higher in the table. Can’t see Villa getting relegated or even spending time just above the zone as they are now. If they continue to play like that, they are going to move up the table.
Villans of the piece
I’ll save Storey some time.
Villa. How many points dropped against the Top 6 in the last 10 minutes?
Wesley earns his stripes
I’m sure you’ll get plenty of giddy Liverpool fans writing in but I have just finished watching the Aston Villa v Liverpool game and wanted to mention how refreshing it is to see one of Aston Villa’s players (Wesley I think) run off as he was subbed at the 85th minute when they were leading 1-0 instead of the standard time wasting meander. Absolute class by Villa and an amazing game all round.
Wei (‘bigger’ teams could learn a thing or two about class *cough cough spurs ) LFC, Brisbane, AUS
Jurg’ll fix it
It’s all fixed right? Happens in cricket all the time Liverpool winning games right at the end? Too good to be true!
P.S. Jurgen Klopp is a god though!
The Punter (It means more?)
Divock was cooking
Bedlam and everything for Mane’s winner last night, but watch the goal again and you’ll see that had his header been off target and whizzing past the post, or hit the post and come back into play, one man was waiting to pounce while everyone just stood looking.
Divock Origi, the man who is only interested in big moments.
Good thing Xhaka didn’t play so that Arsenal could live up to their true potential. There is no stopping is now that he is no longer holding us back.
Adonis (supporting the team but not the fans) Stevenson, AFC
Wolves had 42% possession at the Emirates = having possession for 37 minutes.
25 shots in 37 minutes is a shot every 90 seconds of possession for Wolves.
And that isn’t even accounting for natural stoppages whilst in “possession” like free kicks, corner kicks, goal kicks, substitutions and throws. It’s probably more like a shot conceded every 50 – 60 seconds of “in play possession”.
And Emery says he has made us “more competitive”…
Arsenal’s league form under Unai Emery since Sunday 7th April (nearly 7 months/half a season):
P17 W6 D6 L5 F24 A27 GD -3 PTS23
24 points in 17 games averages at 53 points over a full season.
Clean sheets 3.
The wins have come against:
Watford (v 10 men)
Newcastle (under Bruce)
Bournemouth (at home narrowly)
Aston Villa (at home narrowly)
I present the above facts with no comment or opinion.
Both those calls were utter horsesh*t. I can well understand letting Villa’s goal stand as it was given on the field, but the idea that Bobby was somehow a gnat’s hair off and ElGhazi wasn’t is bullsh*t. Both should stand or neither should.
It doesn’t have to be like this. If you’re reduced to spending two minutes d*cking around working out what constitutes a shoulder and coming up with a centimetre’s gap, just let the f**king thing stand.
Dan, Plastic LFC
The PL’s explanation about ruling out the Liverpool goal for offside has confused me a bit. They said that Firmino’s armpit was offside. And that’s what confused me: surely if the ball had hit Firmino’s armpit and led to a goal, it would have been given as handball. How, then, could the fact that his ‘armpit’ was offside be relevant?
Or am I reading too much into it, and they actually meant the beginning of his torso rather than his armpit?
Greg (I think I’d have been less confused if they hadn’t offered a justification), Taunton.
I’m sure this won’t be the only email about Firmino and VAR you get, but I want to point out something that became apparent (I think at least) during the live look at VAR during the game.
It should be obvious that because of the camera angle, a person at the top of the screen and one at the bottom can in fact be level with each other even though the perspective makes them look not so. The higher up the screen you are, the more “forward” you appear. The solution for VAR seems to be that the inverted “T” cross hair they use to determine where you are offside is essentially trying to determine the exact vertical plane the offending body partis on. This matters because, like in the case of Firmino, his shoulder will look farther forward than Mings knee because of the perspective of the camera angle, but it could actually be behind it.
How this should work, is that the horizontal line of this cross hair is attempting to line up the near enough exact plane of say, Bobby’s shoulder, as well as Mings knee, and then calculate based on the slope of the yellow offside line where the two body parts are in relationship to each other. For this to work though, you have to make sure that you have selected the correct plane for each person. If you put the vertical line on Bobby’s shoulder, you could drag the horizontal line up or down the 2 dimensional image of them and make it appear as if he were possibly very much on or offside. That horizontal line has to be well positioned so as to correctly represent the area directly under the body part being checked, in this case Bobby’s shoulder.
If you look at the actual footage of what the person in charge of the review did, you can see that the plane they chose to represent Bobby’s far shoulder (his right), was a point closer to the camera than Bobby’s near foot (his left). What this did was create the illusion that Bobby was offside because of where that line appeared relative to Mings knee. To be more accurate, the horizontal like of the cross hair should have been pushed up higher on the image towards Bobby’s back foot (his right), so as to better represent the vertical plane of his right shoulder.
I’m not saying he was on, although I personally believe he was, but I do think that the VAR misrepresented where his body part was. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was behind a lot of these “by a ball hair” calls we have seen these past 11 weeks because we haven’t really been shown a lot about how they are determining where to draw their dotted lines, just shown the results after they have drawn them. I could be completely wrong here because I am not in the booth and I am not privy to every bit of information about the system or how they are using it, but even if you don’t post this mail, I hope you look into this, because the perception was that due to their negligent use of the system, they are basically guessing at where at person is, and that technology that should be improving the game is, at least in the case of the EPL, giving us no better result that the inaccuracies of a human in real time.