Arsenal: Joel Campbell
Last actually played for Arsenal: May 2016. Campbell somehow played 19 times during the 2015/16 league season, which we’d completely forgotten.
Last seen: Starting seven league games in Sporting CP’s 2016/17 league season. Expect him to be loaned out again, if not sold. He’s now 25.
Bournemouth: Emerson Hyndman
Last actually played for Bournemouth: Erm, never. You don’t remember Hyndman signing for Bournemouth from Fulham last season and you still don’t remember him now.
Last seen: Starting for Rangers in their 5-1 home defeat against Celtic.
Brighton: Rohan Ince
Last actually played for Brighton: December 12, 2015, in a 2-2 draw at Derby County. Someone missed out on the fun last season.
Last seen: Being relegated to League Two on loan at Swindon Town.
Burnley: Kevin Long
Last actually played for Burnley: On the final game of last season, apparently. And the two games before that. Who knew?
Last seen: Reading his name in this article and cursing this website to the fiery depths of hell.
Chelsea: Baba Rahman
Last actually played for Chelsea: May 2016, in the last throes of a difficult season. There are plenty of competitors to be Chelsea’s entrant on this list, but none of them cost a potential £22m.
Last seen: Back on loan in the Bundesliga at Schalke, but not as first-choice left-back.
Crystal Palace: Jordon Mutch
Last actually played for Crystal Palace: Actually played in the Premier League as recently as January, but Mutch cost Palace £6m and is an entirely forgettable central midfielder. Last started a league win in August 2015.
Last seen: Starting in Reading’s 7-1 defeat away at Norwich City.
Everton: Shani Tarashaj
Last actually played for Everton: Never. Was signed on a four-and-a-half year deal from Grasshopper in January 2016, but is yet to be given a chance. He’s 22 now, and an actual Swiss international.
Last seen: On loan at Eintracht Frankfurt, where he scored one Bundesliga goal all season.
Huddersfield Town: Jason Davidson
Last actually played for Huddersfield: April 30, 2016, in a 4-0 defeat at Bristol City. Davidson started all three of Australia’s matches in the last World Cup, but can’t get a game in West Yorkshire.
Last seen: As a regular for FC Groningen in the Eredivisie.
Leicester City: Bartosz Kapustka
Last actually played for Leicester: Never, never, never. Kapustka got us excited after signing for Leicester City for close to £8m after a fine Euro 2016 for Poland. He only made the bloody bench eight times.
Last seen: Telling his agent to talk him up for a move to anywhere but Leicester.
Liverpool: Adam Bogdan
Last actually played for Liverpool: May 15, 2016. In my head Bogdan’s weird spell at Liverpool ended a long time ago, but somehow he’s still there. Forget Mesut bloody Ozil, this is nicking a living for £15,000 a week.
Last seen: Knacking his ACL when playing on loan at Wigan in the Championship.
Manchester City: Wilfried Bony
Last actually played for Man City: May 8, 2016. We remember Bony playing for Manchester City and remember him leaving on loan, but somehow forgot that that meant he would subsequently return to City.
Last seen: Being several different brands of woeful for Stoke.
Manchester United: James Wilson
Last actually played for Man United: Competitively on October 28, 2015 when he played one terrible half of a League Cup defeat to Middlesbrough. This was true last year and true this year.
Last seen: Sustaining a horrific knee injury when playing for Derby County. Get well soon, fella.
Newcastle United: Tim Krul
Last actually played for Newcastle United: October 3, 2015. Followers of the Premier League will remember Krul, but his career has gone downhill in frightening fashion.
Last seen: Playing for AZ Alkmaar after having a loan at Ajax cut short after six games.
Southampton: Florin Gardos
Last actually played for Southampton: His last league appearance was on February 28, 2015 when he was substituted after just 25 minutes of a 1-0 defeat to West Brom. We wrote the exact same words last year.
Last seen: Playing for Southampton’s Under-23s in a 4-2 defeat to Manchester City. Sure he played well.
Stoke City: Bojan Krkic
Last actually played for Stoke: Only five months ago. We’re not sure whether we’d forgotten Bojan was still a Stoke player, or forgotten that he’d ever left. Neither is a compliment.
Last seen: Playing semi-regularly for FC Mainz.
Swansea City: Matt Grimes
Last actually played for Swansea: January 10, 2016, in a 3-2 FA Cup defeat at Oxford United. Grimes has only managed four appearances in total in the top flight, which makes giving Exeter City £1.75m very generous indeed.
Last seen: Not getting into Leeds United’s team.
Tottenham: Federico Fazio
Last actually played for Tottenham: September 23, 2015 in a 2-1 League Cup defeat to Arsenal. Incredibly still a Spurs player. More incredibly, a very good defender.
Last seen: Playing pretty damn well for Roma after not playing for Sevilla.
Watford: Brice Dja Djédjé
Last actually played for Watford: Never in the league, twice in the FA Cup. Dja Djedje was signed last summer but failed to make Watford’s Premier League squad due to a pre-existing calf condition. Clever.
Last seen: I dunno, on holiday maybe?
West Brom: Callum McManaman
Last actually played for West Brom: April 2016, when playing the final 22 minutes against Watford at home. That was his longest league appearance in eight months.
Last seen: Hardly playing for Sheffield Wednesday, before going back to being disliked by Tony Pulis.
West Ham: Ashley Fletcher
Last actually played for West Ham: Literally played in West Ham’s last match, and yet still entirely forgettable. That is not a good thing for a striker.
Last seen: I just told you, playing for West Ham on the final day. Don’t you listen?