Mourinho oversaw atrophy when Spurs asked for a trophy. Klopp and Liverpool can't take defeat.
Pep Guardiola is just the happiest boy. Garcia, Davies and Lyon, too. But Sarri, Zidane and Chelsea have f**ked it.
Olivier Giroud, Bruno Fernandes and Mikel Arteta had decent Premier League weekends. But Newcastle and Jose Mourinho...
Liverpool reared their ugly heads. But at least they showed emotion, which is more than can be said for PSG.
Richarlison is worth more to Everton than £85m. Palace might get that for Zaha but they couldn't be trusted with it.
It's not often that Everton top Liverpool in a winners column. West Ham are a little more accustomed to the losers.
The Ed Woodward PR machine was bad, but bloody hell, Daniel Levy. His reputation needs reconsidering.
We reserve the right to put Odion Ighalo top of this and every winners column ever if his Man United move goes through...
Burnley and Steve Bruce continue to be ridiculous. So do Manchester United and Everton, in a different way.
Nigel Pearson has given Watford hope. So has Mikel Arteta with Arsenal, but with a caveat.
The champions-elect achieved a near-perfect balance on Boxing Day. Frank Lampard is still way off it...
Has there ever been a time when fewer Premier League teams are sure that their manager will be in place in three months' time?
Leicester, Pulisic, Rashford and Martial, read on. Southampton, Xhaka and Everton, maybe give this one a miss?
Some kinds words for Frank Lampard, Marko Marin and Ajax are followed by harsher ones for Atalanta, Conte and more.
No Arsenal or Manchester United, with Liverpool and Man City winning narrowly, means Bruce gets all the barrels.
It's great news for Guendouzi, Vardy, Sheffield United and Richarlison. Not so much for Souness or Man United.
Their performance at Sheffield United suggested it won't be long before they are looking for a new voice...
Seb Stafford-Bloor was at Bournemouth to see Chris Wilder's Blades make a mug of Danny Mills...
Even David de Gea has caught the Man Utd lurgy. Still, someone else stunk the place out even more...
Ajax keep Mauricio Pochettino from the top of the winners. Pep Guardiola is behind Ole Gunnar Solskjaer in the losers.
Mauricio Pochettino is brilliant and Liverpool are learning new tricks, but both Manchester clubs have lessons to learn.
Chelsea's winners have put Maurizio Sarri in no-win territory. Which is where Fulham have been for far too long...
Liverpool can win both the Premier League and Champions League. Bayern Munich can rip it all up and start again.
Southampton's comeback win means knackered Spurs have taken one point from their last four league games.
The job is Ole Gunnar's. Maybe he'd like to sign Gareth Bale in the summer? He's off either way.
The fears of Spurs fans are being realised, while those of Newcastle supporters are again being allayed.
Struggling Brighton have bought 27 players over the last two years, most of whom aren't getting minutes. What was that money for?
Nothing better than a player scoring their first goal in front of their own fans for the club they supported as a child.
Cristiano Ronaldo's grand Champions League plan might already have gone up in smoke. He is a big fat loser.
Mauricio Pochettino is joined by Thomas Tuchel in the winners section. Ole is a loser but...
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