The Page That Cannot Double Anything Right Now

Date published: Thursday 1st January 1970 12:00 -

The Page That Cannot Double Anything Right Now

Oddly enough, we cannot see any sign of this tweet now.

Got To Be Certain
Bizarrely, there is also now no sign of a tweet from Sky Sports’ Lyall Thomas from 2.45pm on Wednesday which read ‘Hueng-Min Son is of interest to #Spurs but nothing official happening yet. He’s currently ill so not travelling anywhere today certainly’.

By 5.30pm he had written this on the Sky Sports website: ‘Tottenham are in talks with Bayer Leverkusen over an £18m deal for their forward Heung-Min Son, according to Sky sources. Sky Germany understands that the 23-year-old is in London and ready to undergo a medical.’

What happened to all that ‘certainty’, Lyall? Deleted, that’s what.

The Most SEO-Tastic URL Ever

Surely actually putting ‘Google’ in the URL is sodding cheating.

Five Other Ridiculous Headlines From Far More Successful Websites
* ‘Revealed: How Man Utd’s £25m star Morgan Schneiderlin tried to steal Juan Mata’s number’ – Daily Star website.

He tried to steal it by asking for it. And now we have gone and ruined the reveal. Sorry.

* ‘Report: Striker with Sanchez-like work rate confident of sealing Arsenal transfer’ – Metro website.

We live in a world where Edinson Cavani is a ‘striker with Sanchez-like work rate’.

* ‘Arsenal star Mesut Ozil hits back at critics: I’ll be in the goals this season’ – Daily Star website.

What he actually said: “I want to score more goals than in the last two seasons and that’s my aim for this season.” Take that, losers.

* ‘Arsenal transfer news: World-star’s agent met, Wenger phones goal-machine, £59m star pursuit’ – Metro website.

Is it wrong that it is the hyphens that grate the most?

* ‘Wenger leads Arsenal on the training field as Gunners look to find their scoring boots’ – MailOnline.

That’s right. Arsenal coach coaches Arsenal.

‘YES, Wayne Rooney can be the main man again,’ is the incredibly predictable opening line from The Sun’s Neil Custis, a man who would have a naked fight to the death with Coleen if he believed the victor would win Rooney’s love.

Apparently, a hat-trick against Club Brugge – sixth in the Belgian league and fresh from a 2-0 defeat to Zulte-Waragem – ‘proves’ he is ‘the man to score 20 or 30 goals in a season’.

Never mind that he has not scored 20 goals in a season since 2011/12; never mind that he has now gone nine Premier League games without a goal in the worst spell of his senior career; he has scored three goals in a game that Custis later describes as ‘shooting fish in a barrel’.

‘A hat-trick in the Champions League, even if only a qualifier, cannot be sniffed at,’ writes Custis.

Which is presumably why Custis believes that Danny Welbeck, Alvaro Negredo, Konstantinos Mitroglou, Roberto Soldado (twice) and Nicklas Bendtner are all truly excellent 20-goal strikers too.

In Bruges
Frokm Jeremy Cross in the Daily Star: ‘The England captain set the standards United will need to maintain if they are to compete with Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich in club football’s biggest and best competition.’

FC Brugge are sixth in the Belgian league.

Master Blaster
Brian Reade wins no prizes for innovation with his opinion from ‘the heart of football’ in the Daily Mirror that Manchester United need at least one more striker. Obviously he wrote this before Wayne Rooney proved he was the man to score 20-30 goals this season.

He does, though, win a Mediawatch prize for forgetfulness when he suggests that United allowed Danny Welbeck to leave because of ‘misguided over-confidence in an iron-fisted master plan’.

It’s a lovely phrase but it’s worth remembering that Welbeck scored four Premier League goals for Arsenal last season. That’s equally as many as Manchester United defender Chris Smalling and fewer than five other United players.

De Price Is Rising
‘MANCHESTER CITY are closing in on a £51.5million deal for Kevin De Bruyne that would make the former Chelsea player the Premier League’s second most expensive signing’ – The Daily Express.

‘MANCHESTER CITY will break their transfer record for the second time this summer after finally agreeing terms with Wolfsburg over a £54million deal for Kevin De Bruyne’ – Daily Mail.

‘MANCHESTER CITY have FINALLY agreed a whopping £58million fee to sign Kevin De Bruyne’ – The Sun.

Agree To Disagree
Sky Sports News transfer centre, 11.11am: ‘Kevin De Bruyne is expected to have his medical on Thursday or Friday ahead of a proposed move to Manchester City. It was reported on Wednesday that City had reached agreement with his current club Wolfsburg on a fee for the 24-year-old playmaker. And De Bruyne now looks set to head to Manchester, although he was believed to still be in Germany as of Thursday morning.

‘Sky Deutschland’s Jurek Rohrberg told Sky Sports News HQ: “It is very probable that Kevin goes to Manchester because Manchester City and Wolfsburg yesterday made an agreement.”‘

Sky Sports News transfer centre, 11.49am: ‘Wolfsburg Sporting director Klaus Allofs says Kevin De Bruyne will not be joining Manchester City “at this point in time”.’

It can all go so wrong in just 38 minutes.

Poison Paradise
The Daily Telegraph’s Tom Cary is bemoaning the lack of ‘toxic transfers’ on the back page of Thursday’s newspaper.

‘Whichever way you look at it,’ he writes, ‘it has been a disappointing window thus far for those who like their transfers ‘toxic’, which, to judge from the multitude of ‘top 10 toxic transfers of the summer’ lists online, is most sports websites.’

Mediawatch being Mediawatch, we Googled ‘top 10 toxic transfers of the summer’.

The top result was a headline from the Daily Telegraph – ‘John Stones transfer to Chelsea is the toxic switch we’ve been waiting for this summer’ – which is Cary’s column.

The only other result?

‘The 10 most toxic deals of the football transfer window’ – from the Daily Telegraph website, published roughly three hours before Cary’s column.

Two questions, Tom…

a) Does one list really count as a ‘multitude’?

b) Where on earth did you come up with the idea for your column? Was it divine inspiration?

Fifth Estate
Headline in The Sun: ‘Jose’s set up for Raf ‘n tumble.’

Opening paragraph from Antonu Kastrinakis in The Sun: ‘JOSE MOURINHO is facing a possible Champions League showdown with ex-club Real Madrid and hated rival Rafa Benitez.’

He’s right; it’s possible. It’s also ‘possible’ that Chelsea will face Atletico Madrid, FC Porto, Valencia and Bayer Leverkusen.

What Jose is actually ‘set up for’ is a random Champions League draw.

Worst Headline Of The Day
‘ROOLIEF’ – The Sun.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
‘If you were one of the men recently exposed by the Ashley Madison hack, we have two things to tell you:

‘We hope you aren’t too uncomfortable sleeping on the sofa.

‘There’s a good chance all the ‘hot women’ you were chatting to were actually men, or not people at all. Yeah…

‘Data analysis into the hack has suggesting that most of the ‘female’ accounts on the site were in fact fake and were instead run by the company’s employees.

Gizmodo looked into the data released by hackers and found that almost none of the female accounts featured on the site had any activity after being created, and that only 12,000 of the millions of apparent women on the site actually spoke to anyone, leading many to believe that several of the profiles had been created by bored employees.

‘A Canadian employee of the site also once sue the company due to a wrist injury she received after being asked to create 1,000 fake female profiles (it was settled out of court)’ – Metro.

Thanks to today’s Mediawatch spotter John Ingoe. If you see anything that belongs on this page, mail us at, putting ‘Mediawatch’ in the subject field.

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