The Page That Might Go Shorts And Shades

Date published: Thursday 1st January 1970 12:00 -

The Page That Might Go Shorts And Shades

One To Eleven
After listing unknown quantities Christian Benteke, Memphis Depay, Yohan Cabaye, Petr Cech, Raheem Sterling and Bastian Schweinsteiger in his ‘Ten to Watch’ on Friday, Jamie Redknapp returned to the Daily Mail in fine form on Monday. ‘Arry’s boy has tipped Swansea striker Andre Ayew as “the one to watch” after his goalscoring effort against Chelsea on Saturday.

So that’s 11 to watch from Jamie so far then, and the first round of games hasn’t even concluded yet. Tuesday’s column will be tipping unheard of Manchester City youngster Sergio Aguero, we reckon.

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me
Mediawatch obviously does not condone the language and behaviour used by Jamie Vardy in a casino last month, but contextualising the reporting of said incident via The Sun is certainly revealing.

In their exclusive from James Beal and Tom Morgan on Sunday, the “shocking video” was published by the Sunday edition of the newspaper, in which England international Vardy was allegedly shown repeatedly using the racist term ‘Jap’ in reference to an East Asian man. Vardy has since apologised for using said term, which the Sun described as ‘a derogatory racial term since World War II’.

Sun on Sunday columnist Tony Parsons waded into the debate: ‘As a man with a Japanese wife, an Anglo-Japanese daughter and a profound love for Japan, I should be deeply offended by Jamie chucking the old ‘Jap’ insult around.’

Hopefully no-one has shown Tony this headline. Or this one.

‘It hasn’t really been acceptable to use such racist terms since, oh, the battle of Iwo Jima. That was in March 1945,’ added Parsons on Sunday. Quite.

C*ck Tees
‘Middlesbrough have agreed a £2million deal for Leicester goal machine David Nugent,’ according to The Sun.

‘Goal machine’ David Nugent’s 2014/15 record for Leicester: Five strikes in 32 games.

Taking The Piers
Football journalism has officially died.

‘Arsenal shareholder says club in advanced transfer talks to sign one of world’s best players’ is the SEO headline on a weekend piece from The Metro‘s Jamie Sanderson. Of course, the player in question is Karim Benzema, but what new information has Sanderson come across?

A tweet. From Piers Morgan. Who owns around 10 shares and who says talks “are advanced”. We live in a world where Piers Morgan is an ITK. Christ.

Sanderson concludes, on the rumour: “It’s no doubt going to get many Gooners all over the world excited.”

One of the first replies to Morgan’s tweet: ‘I’m hearing you’re a tw*t’

Feel the excitement.

Ask A Simple Question
A selection of stories from the Sky Sports website at midday on Monday:

‘Who is Reece Oxford?’
‘Disastrous debut for Cech?’
‘What does a chairman do?’
‘Who is Paul Gascoigne?’

Not the first time the content has been questionable

Gold By Name…
Any idea what West Ham co-chairman David Gold thinks of the club’s move for free agent Joey Barton? No matter, let’s just take a look at his Twitter timeline.

In response to a question in January of 2013 asking: ‘What would you do if Big Sam said he wanted to sign Barton?’, Gold replied: ‘Give Sam some time off, get away for a few days.’

This came a day after Gold took to the social media platform to say: ‘IMO Barton has a problem and should seek help.’

How kind of Gold to provide that at his football club.

Mirror Image
Peruse the Oxford Dictionary definiton of the word ‘discreet’:

‘Careful and prudent in one’s speech or actions, especially in order to keep something confidential’.

Mediawatch expects Manchester United are therefore cursing the Daily Mirror – and pretty much everyone else – for reporting on the club’s supposed ‘discreet enquiry’ over Spurs striker Harry Kane. How’s that for confidentiality?

No Kidding
Mediawatch tends to head into Garth Crooks’ returning Team of the Week for BBC Sport with glee, but reading this particular line evoked a slight smile: ‘They have only played one game so far this season but this is a very different Liverpool to the one I saw in their last campaign.’ While the common consensus was that the result was far more impressive than the performance for Liverpool, Dave Kidd of the Daily Mirror has upped the ante on Crooks’ gambit and then some.

The opening line to Kidd’s match report reads: ‘Back to the bedlam factory, 77 days on, Liverpool conjured one of the most significant opening-match wins of the Premier League era.’

They beat Stoke. 1-0. With an 86th minute goal. In a game Kidd goes on to describe as “an absolute stinker”.

What’s In A Number?
Mediawatch presents to you the following match ratings for Liverpool’s Philippe Coutinho after his winner at Stoke on Sunday:

Daily Star – 9
Daily Mirror – 9
Sky Sports – 9
Daily Mail – 7
Daily Express – 7
Independent – 7

We’ll call it an 8, shall we?

Headline Of The Day: ‘Targett Practice’. Good work from The Sun

Runner-Up: Reality Cech. From Metro. And The Sun. And the Daily Mail. And little-known website Football365.

Worst Headline Of The Day: ‘He’s In Giroud Health (Sun) and ‘Berahino may pack Baggs for City (Star) were early contenders, until…

‘Cout Of This World’. Oh dear, Daily Mirror.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
‘Doughnut burgers, deep-fried crickets – avant garde foodstuffs are all the rage, but many of us would draw the line at a cheesecake made from gorilla poo.

The new culinary concoction is the brainchild of a university who have been working with bacteria extracted from the primate’s faeces.

According to the People’s Daily, the bacteria came from a unique bacteria originally discovered in Africa.

It was then cultivated in the laboratory and turned into yoghurt.

The alarming afters was on sale in the university’s cafe for just two days, with each of the 150 servings costing £2.

It reportedly had a distinctive taste.’ – Daily Mirror

Thanks to Daniel Calver. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at, putting ‘Mediawatch’ in the subject field.

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