Today’s fuss about absolutely f*** all…

Date published: Monday 14th September 2015 10:08

…is the absolute nonsense about Jose Mourinho and a ‘X-rated tunnel rant’ that actually consisted of one swear word. Is that a rant?

The first rule of football journalism is that there always has to be a club in crisis. Last week it was Manchester United and the absurd notion that the players were in ‘mutiny’ just because some disaffected members of staff had told their friends in the press that there was a banter vacuum. He made them go to meetings and everything, the absolute bastard.

This week it’s Chelsea and Jose Mourinho has played right into the media’s hands by swearing in front of a few of them. Once. Not at them. Or even at Roberto Martinez, really. But he swore out loud. Once.

Now I have heard the ‘F-WORD BLAST’ (The Sun), or ‘X-rated tunnel rant’ (Daily Telegraph) if you prefer, and it is – at most – a ‘foul-mouthed exclamation’. It’s the kind of ‘foul-mouthed exclamation’ that I indulge in roughly 17 times a day. Daniel Storey and I have an ‘amazing bust-up’ (Daily Mirror) roughly four times a week.

This is what actually happened when Martinez was speaking to members of the press at Goodison:

Mourinho: “Roberto, next time, tell me to go before you because we have to travel.”

Martinez: “We don’t control that.”

Mourinho: “F***ing hell.”

And that, apparently, is a ‘furious bust-up’ (Daily Mail) and a ‘foul-mouthed rant’ (Daily Star).

What a massive fuss about absolutely f*** all.

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