18.54 – I’ve had enough
You know what, no. I’m not being bound by the Premier League when even the clubs cannot govern themselves and manage their own time. You had a deadline to work towards. Idiots.
18.40 – Some more things
Twenty minutes for those late deals to go through then. Speaking of which, Federico Fernandez to Newcastle is done for £6m, and Domingos Quina has joined Watford from West Ham for an undisclosed fee.
Jordan Ayew has also seemingly joined Crystal Palace on a season-long loan. Brother Andre has posted a picture of him in a kit. A Palace one. Not a random one.
So, to those deal sheets:
Brighton – Martin Montoya
Everton – Kurt Zouma
Fulham – Andre-Frank Gambo Anguissa, Timothy Fosu-Mensah, Luciano Vietto
Southampton – Danny Ings
Fulham, you d*cks.
18.32 – Some things
Jamie Vardy has signed a new deal and Cardiff have signed a new midfielder: Harry Arter on loan from Bournemouth.
Yes, these updates are a bit basic now. It’s late.
18.14 – Cunning
Leicester have signed that Caglar Soyuncu fella for about £19m, subject to a work permit. Good for them.
18.05 – REVEALED
Sky Sports are absolutes heroes and I can’t stress that enough. They have disclosed the ten moves they ‘believe’ are subject to the deal sheets:
Brighton – Martin Montoya
Everton – Kurt Zouma, Andre Gomes
Cardiff – Harry Arter
Fulham – Andre-Frank Gambo Anguissa, Timothy Fosu-Mensah, Luciano Vietto
Newcastle – Federico Fernandez
Southampton – Danny Ings
Watford – Domingos Quina
And with Gomes confirmed by Everton, that makes it nine deals that have until 7pm to be completed.
17.41 – Why is it still busy?
Why do clubs constantly do this? I f***ing hate Fulham.
Sounds like @FulhamFC are going to have a busy couple of hours. Fosu-Mensah going on loan. Joe Bryan moving from Bristol City and Marseille's defensive midfielder Andre Zambo Anguissa for £22.3m.
— Simon Stone (@sistoney67) August 9, 2018
Joe Bryan is now done, having spent the past few hours being chased by Steve Bruce down the motorway. If you know, you know.
In other news, one of those ten deal sheets involves Kurt Zouma, so Everton have a little longer to get that over the line. And Leonardo Ulloa is headed to Mexico on a permanent deal, apparently. Good for him. He can impress everyone with his Premier League winner’s medal.
17.31 – Ings can only get etc and so on
With the Danny Ings stuff, he is one of ten players whose futures are now entirely subject to deal sheets. This gives the clubs an extra two hours to complete the moves in question.
It would be a loan for Ings, who supported Southampton as a boy. Of course he did.
17.14 – Zambo goes Cottaging
So the deadline has passed, the window is shut for Premier League clubs, and we can all go home.
Except we can’t because football teams are actually university students and have to wait until the last minute to hand in all the paperwork. Bloody cretins.
Fulham have gone absolutely massive. They have agreed a £30m deal to sign Marseille midfielder Andre-Frank Zambo Anguissa. Literally never heard of him. But Fulham presumably have, and are in France to have him undergo a medical.
Brighton have not yet confirmed Martin Montoya’s arrival, but are widely reported to have beaten Fulham to sign him. They have also bought some Swedish teenager called Peter Gwargis.
Fulham have rebounded from the Montoya rejection to sign Sergio Rico from Sevilla on loan.
Southampton have handed in one of those deal sheets to sign Danny Ings.
17.01 – Dirty Sanchez
West Ham have signed that Colombian fella who did a red card at the World Cup. Carlos something.
17.00 – Ooo to be a…
🗣️ David Wagner: “When we first spoke, it’s clear that he is a real winner."
— Huddersfield Town (@htafcdotcom) August 9, 2018
16.55 – You wait all day for a bus…
Then Everton confirm another two signings shortly after announcing Bernard’s arrival. Is that how the saying goes?
Barcelona have confirmed the £28.5m sale of Yerry Mina, for whom they reserve a buy-back option. And also:
— Tom Coast (@thcoast) August 9, 2018
Everything’s going to be announced now, isn’t it? For fu…
16.40 – Heroes
God bless both Sky Sports and Everton, feeding us scraps during this veritable famine.
The update comes from Alan Myers, who is camped at a busy Goodison Park. Leon Osman and Tony Hibbert are probably outside at the gates, begging to be let back in.
“Bernard, who we have seen in the building, is very, very close to being done,” Myers say. “There are just a couple of little bits that need to be done, but we have seen him go out for his work permit today and that was fine.
“We know the terms of the deal are all sorted out and that is as good as done. We are just awaiting official confirmation, but Everton fans can rest easy – Bernard will be an Everton player by 5pm today.
“It also seems Everton have won the race for Man Utd target Yerry Mina. We believe Everton have gone out to Barcelona to do the medical, while we also believe Barca midfielder Andre Gomes has had a medical. But whether that one goes through is a little less likely…”
Greatison Park, more like.
16.31 – The joys of six
Bless Kaveh Solhekol and his little cotton socks that are probably those ones that make it look like a shark is eating your leg. The ones that only really zany, cool people wear. Like Kaveh. Good old Kaveh.
He is at Stamford Bridge, where at least something is happening. Here is his following update for Sky Sports:
‘Bakayoko – there’s strong interest from AC Milan in him.
Drinkwater – Everton, West Ham and Leicester are all interested.
Loftus-Cheek – Palace are still keen to take him on loan.
Wolves are still interested in Victor Moses
Valencia have their eye on Michy Batshuayi.
And Kurt Zouma is interesting Everton.’
16.27 – Just one Vietto
A little more on that Luciano Vietto to Fulham business, as that has only recently cropped up. Cheeky buggers.
Basically, Fulham are not quite happy enough with signing players for £20m and bringing in Premier League winners. They want highly-rated former teen stars with Champions League experience too.
Which is where Vietto comes in. The 24-year-old ‘is surplus to requirements’ at Atletico, who he joined in 2015 after being a bit brilliant for Villarreal. He was so good that Atletico parted with £18m to sign him.
Issues started to arise in the Spanish capital however, and two loan spells at Sevilla and Valencia bore little fruit. Third time lucky?
16.17 – A quick look
Let’s see which deals are likely to go through, with less than an hour of the Premier League summer transfer window to go.
Yerry Mina, Andre Gomes, Bernard and Kurt Zouma to Everton all look nailed on. Because they’ve ruined the transfer window.
Fulham are reportedly closing in on a deal to sign Timothy Fosu-Mensah from Manchester United. They also want Luciano Vietto.
Harry Arter is headed to Cardiff on loan from Bournemouth.
David Ospina is off to Besiktas. Here come the tears again.
Man United are signing no-one.
Tottenham are signing, and have signed, no-one.
Oh, and Michael Hefele has left Huddersfield to join Nottingham Forest. A minute’s silence, if you will.
15.58 – Some bad news
Arsenal fans: are you sat down? Remove all the sharp implements in the vicinity, and get a box of tissues ready (no, not for that). We have some terrible, horrible news.
David Ospina is leaving. He has agreed personal terms with Besiktas, and will be feigning injury in Turkey before you know it.
This one’s for you, Colombian Dave.
15.49 – Everton going mad
Not content with signing Kurt Zouma under Manchester United’s noses, Everton now intend on literally taking defenders from them. They’re after Marcos Rojo, if the Daily Telegraph are to be believed.
And they aren’t done there. Yerry Mina has been pictured arriving for part of his Everton medical.
— Mundo Deportivo (@mundodeportivo) August 9, 2018
15.33 – Man United Kurtailed
And Jose Mourinho thought Thursday couldn’t get much worse. French newspaper L’Equipe are reporting that Everton have ‘reached an agreement’ to loan Kurt Zouma from Chelsea.
Zouma became the 427th centre-half to be linked with United early on Thursday, with Mourinho a fan of the player he signed for Chelsea in January 2014. It seems the relegation with Stoke has done nothing to harm his reputation.
15.27 – Still here?
This is awkward. And this is just a reminder that it is transfer deadline day, and this live blog has not been updated for half an hour. That is only partially due to laziness and ineptitude; nothing is happening.
14.57 – Eat some transfer news
Islam Slimani is off to Fenerbahce on loan.
Federico Fernandez is headed to Newcastle for £6m.
Martin Montoya is rejecting Fulham to join Brighton.
Jim White is only approximately 14% erect.
14.48 – Done like a Kepa
Kepa Arrizabalaga has been speaking for the first time as a Chelsea player, which is lovely. Someone obviously asked him about that £71.6m (not £142m) price tag:
“In terms of the price, it’s something I don’t think about. I’m just going to be myself and try to give my best.”
Massive lol at Chelsea for signing the world’s most expensive inspirational Facebook quote set against a background of the sun breaking through some clouds.
14.41 – Wolves at the door
A little more on the Dendoncker deal here. And the Zinchenko one. Wolves are at least trying to keep things interesting. And you all hate Uncle Jorge.
14.32 – Dendon, merrily on high
A deal. A real, actual deal.
— Wolves (@Wolves) August 9, 2018
It’s a season-long loan with an obligation to buy, by the sounds of it. How very continental.
14.25 – Diego, woah
A couple of journalists have shed some light on the situation surrounding Diego Godin. The bare bones of the story is that Manchester United have activated his release clause, but there is a little more to the story.
According to Simon Stone of BBC Sport, United ‘were encouraged to contact Atletico’ by one of Godin’s representatives. The club had ‘a suspicion they were being used as leverage’, which seems to be the case; the centre-half is is negotiations over a new deal in Spain.
Kaveh Solhekol of Sky Sports adds the following:
1/3 Diego Godin's agent approached Manchester United this week when the team was in Cagliari, saying the player was keen to come to Old Trafford and a deal could be done, so United made an offer for the agent to take to the Atletico board.
— Kaveh Solhekol (@SkyKaveh) August 9, 2018
He says Mourinho would have wanted the defender, but United are particularly reluctant to be used as pawns by agents in this transfer window. Fair enough.
14.15 – End of his Rag
Pray for Rafael Benitez. His summer has been so difficult that he’s at the end of his tether over an inability to sign Ragnar Klavan.
14.02 – Unthinkable
Chelsea had an almost “unthinkable” offer for Daniele Rugani rejected by Juventus this summer, says his agent. How high does a number have to get before you can’t even think of it!? Wow.
13.38 – Batman
Michy Batshuayi to Valencia, is the word from several Spanish websites. Why not?
13.34 – Banter
Lovely, lovely banter.
13.19 – POCHETTINO SPEAKS
Mauricio Pochettino has done a press conference. He’s said exactly what you’d expect him to say in this situation, really. Happy with his squad – and to be fair it’s easy to get caught up in the transfer hooplah and forget that it is a good one – and says it will be “difficult now” to bring in any last-minute additions. Points to new contracts and the new stadium like a good company man. In a lot of ways, the lodge at the training ground is like a new signing.
#thfc Pochettino, who seems very cheerful and relaxed, says it will be “so difficult now” to sign players. Adds: “The club made a massive effort to extend contracts like Harry Kane., is making an amazing effort to finish our stadium. We finish the lodge at the training ground."
— Ben Pearce (@BenPearceSpurs) August 9, 2018
Mind you, have you looked at the new stadium recently? I’m not a stadium construction expert, but it doesn’t look like somewhere that’s going to be hosting Premier League football in a month. It’s that bit in Grand Designs where Kevin looks concerned as Tarquin announces that spiralling costs mean he’s going to be managing the project himself. Spurs have no new players and literally nowhere for them to play football anyway. This is basic stuff, really.
13.11 – No go on Godin
Bit more on Manchester United’s frankly desperate-looking punt on Diego Godin. They’ve triggered his release clause, but he doesn’t want to join a team that has targeted literally every other centre-back on earth as well as a few from galaxies far, far away.
12.59 – French fancy
Danny Rose would quite like a move to PSG, weirdly. Schalke are interested, but Rose is waiting on the French champions. Either of those sides, of course, can make their move at any time this month but Spurs want a replacement if they’re letting Rose leave. MAYBE DON’T VOTE TO CLOSE THE WINDOW EARLY THEN, LADS.
12.45 – DONE DEAL
Thibaut Courtois has completed his move to Real Madrid. Read Steven Chicken on why the idea he “owed” Chelsea anything is piffle.
Thibaut Courtois has completed his transfer to Real Madrid… https://t.co/AiXoQoV5TE
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) August 9, 2018
12.28 – Welbz watch
Southampton, Crystal Palace, Everton and Bournemouth are all interested in plucking Danny Welbeck from Arsenal limbo. The Gunners, meanwhile, are not going to be signing Domagoj Vida, it says here.
12.18 – Medical matters
Yerry Mina and Andre Gomes have both reportedly passed medicals ahead of their permanent (Mina) and loan (Gomes) moves to Everton from Barcelona.
12.09 – #WelcomeCourtois
Everything ready for the big announcement at Real Madrid…
— Real Madrid C.F. 🇬🇧🇺🇸 (@realmadriden) August 9, 2018
12.00 – Double top
Not much happening, so why not check out Mediawatch for the Daily Mirror guide to randomly doubling a transfer fee?
11.45 – Say cheese
IN MANY WAYS, THE CHEESE ROOM IS LIKE A NEW SIGNING.
11.43 – Like a new signing
We are only five-and-a-bit hours from “In many ways, Josh Onomah/Vincent Janssen/Generic Promising Young Pup is like a new signing.” What a time to be alive.
11.35 – No more Jack bids
Are Spurs genuinely going to go through the whole summer without signing anyone? It’s looking that way. The one deal that looked like it might be somewhere close is Jack Grealish, but that door is now apparently shut with various reports suggesting Spurs won’t be going back to Villa with any further bids. Harry Redknapp still reckons it could be a Danny Levy last-minute special, though. He would know. He’s been there, got the t-shirt and leant out of the car window.
11.12 – Going for Godin
Jose may say nothing is going to happen at Manchester United, but literally every human on earth knows they want/need a centre-back. They’re after Diego Godin now, according to those excitable yellow-tied scamps at Sky Sports News.
11.00 – Lucky Lucas
West Ham have signed Lucas Perez from Arsenal. He sounds enormously relieved to still be in the Premier League. “I’m very excited, as West Ham are giving me the chance to stay in the Premier League,” he press-released, before wibbling on about projects, motivation and happiness etc.
— West Ham United (@WestHamUtd) August 9, 2018
10.40 – Rain
Won’t lie, had hoped to have some lovely Test cricket to help get me through this silliest of days. London can’t even do that right, the big rainy idiot.
10.20 – What now for RLC?
No permanent option in Kovacic deal, so Chelsea are just developing players for Real Madrid while Loftus-Cheek and co sit on the sidelines 🙃
— Ed Malyon (@eaamalyon) August 9, 2018
10.05 – DONE DEAL
It’s a loan, but it’s the biggest move of the day so far…
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) August 9, 2018
10.00 – Offers for Everton outcast
Burnley were mentioned by a couple of 365ers as possible relegation candidates but let’s see what they get up to today. A deal for Jay Rodriguez doesn’t appear to be getting any closer but The Mirror’s Darren Lewis says they are rivalling Crystal Palace with a loan offer for Yannick Bolasie. The winger needs a move today.
09.55 – Cottage industry
Fulham have been trying to re-sign Matt Targett all summer but Southampton just won’t put out. The Cottagers have reportedly failed in a £15million bid, which is getting closer to the £20million Saints supposedly want but still not enough.
It promises to be a busy day for Fulham. Reports in France suggest they are closing in on a £27million deal to sign wonderfully-named midfielder André-Franck Zambo Anguissa from Marseille.
9.40 – Woodward, that
Here’s a bit more on what Mourinho told his press conference. It doesn’t help that United are without six injured absentees against Leicester. Over to you, Ed…
9.35 – Jose, you tease…
#MUFC boss Mourinho: "I am not confident (on new signings). I am not confident, & the market closes today, so it's time, at least for me, to stop thinking about the market because the market will be closed"
— Simon Peach (@SimonPeach) August 9, 2018
9.25 – United’s French fancy
Jose Mourinho is about to speak at his press conference amid a sea of rumours over United’s supposed interest in a load of players who have ‘panic buy’ written all over them.
Mourinho is said to have enquired about Kurt Zouma but Chelsea, perhaps caught off guard, aren’t keen to do business. L’Equipe claims United have also asked PSG left-back Layvin Kurzawa and while they were at it, Adrian Rabiot’s name also came up. Which makes little sense given United don’t need a midfielder and PSG wouldn’t be keen to sell anyway.
Anyway, here comes Jose…
9.10 – DONE DEAL
It involves Newcastle so of course it’s an exit. Ivan Toney has moved to Peterborough for a ‘substantial six-figure sum’. So there.
9.00 – Everton to borrow Barca back-up
A couple of days after Barcelona tried to include Andre Gomes in a deal to sign Paul Pogba, the Catalan club are now willing to send the Portugal midfielder to Everton on loan.
Having spoken about his ‘hell’ at Barcelona, perhaps it should come as no surprise that Gomes is apparently ‘desperate’ to follow Lucas Digne to Goodison Park – and Yerry Mina could still follow the same path. It took them a while to get going, but Everton are in danger of having a successful window…
8.45 – Watford to blow it all on the GG?
Watford, there, going sodding mental. The Hornets have a Richarlison-sized wad of cash burning a hole in their pockets and, apparently, they want to spend it on Paris Saint-Germain forward Goncalo Guedes.
Reports suggest Watford have offered just shy of €60million for the Portugal international. That ought to satisfy PSG but the player will take some convincing. The 21-year-old only wants to move to Valencia, as Watford probably well know…
08.25 – DONE DEAL
We have an actual signing and it’s one Storey saw coming. Man City have taken Daniel Arzani from their feeder club Melbourne City, and the 19-year-old Australia attacker is expected to be sent straight to Glasgow to join Celtic on a two-year loan.
08.10 – Vida nasty
Besiktas really want to shift Domagoj Vida. The Croatia defender has been linked with Arsenal, Wolves and pretty much everyone in between since the World Cup and Besiktas seem very keen to cash in on a player they signed on a free in January.
They’ll reportedly accept around £18million up front and another £4.5million in add-ons. That is the claim in the Turkish media where it is said that Arsenal are the ‘most serious’ suitor and the Gunners could be prepared to offer a cash-plus-players deal. Which seems unlikely, but we sit and wait…
07.49 – Outfoxed
Further to the earlier Maguire reports, Leicester have agreed a fee for Freiburg centre-half Caglar Soyuncu. Sky Sports say the deal could rise to £19m.
Arsenal had been linked with him. That seems like a great deal.
07.41 – Oh, Danny boy
In their respective bids to keep hydrated, three Premier League clubs want Danny Drinkwater. Chelsea could oversee ‘an exodus of squad players‘, and the former Premier League winner would be front and centre of any firesale.
Leicester would be at the front of the queue to bring back the midfielder who formed a fine relationship with Jamie Vardy. But they face competition from Crystal Palace and West Ham. Things are hotting up.
07.25 – Hit the road, Jack
Will Tottenham actually do anything, then? They are the only Premier League club yet to sign anyone, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the transfer window closes early – and that they voted for it to do so.
Jack Grealish is the main subject of interest, but even he seems unlikely to join now. Tottenham made a £25m bid, but were £7m off Aston Villa’s valuation.
That Villa rejection has apparently upset Grealish, who reportedly thought there was an agreement in place for him to leave if that price was met. The Daily Mirror said that the player was ‘gutted’ to be denied the move.
The player’s brother has a slightly different opinion.
— Kevan Grealish (@Grealish_) August 8, 2018
07.14 – Zouma challenge
Man United have officially lost it. They want a Chelsea outcast and a £22m left-back Wolves have turned their noses up at.
Also, Jose Mourinho had a press conference scheduled for 2pm on Thursday afternoon, but it has been moved to 9am on Thursday morning. Turn your phone off, Ed.
Today is going to be such fun.
07.00 – The Arter seduction
Now for some news from Wales. Neil Warnock loves a good deal.
.@CardiffCityFC in for Bournemouth midfielder Harry Arter. Would be a loan deal if it goes through.
— Simon Stone (@sistoney67) August 9, 2018
Arter has also been linked to Newcastle, Stoke and a few other Premier League clubs. Bournemouth, having made Jefferson Lerma their record signing, have probably outgrown him.
06.49 – Ousmane’s is this?
And you thought Arsenal would sit back and let everyone else have all the fun. Unai Emery has overseen a bizarrely calm and measured summer window in north London, but even he cannot resist the panic of a deadline day deal.
According to Mundo Deportivo, they could get dragged into a situation with Ousmane Dembele. They claim that while certain people at Barcelona are fans of the Frenchman, any offer to sign him ‘would have to be studied’. The forward has hardly hit the ground running in Spain, with injuries a particular obstacle to progress.
Where do Arsenal come in? Well, they were ‘willing’ to pay what Barcelona see as the ‘threshold of temptation’, which sounds awfully sexy. Basically, Barca want €100m for a player they signed for about €96m last summer. Arsenal, more eager to test the goods before they invest, could loan him for a season for €10m before buying him permanently for €90m.
It all seems very wishy washy, a case of casting doubt on Dembele’s future and lazily looking at who has been interested previously. The fact is that the one area Arsenal do not need to strengthen is in attack. It won’t happen.
06.47 – No red Ed redemption
Jose Mourinho might well be offering to throw hands with Ed Woodward at some point. The latest update is that Manchester United might simply sign no-one else ahead of the deadline.
Mourinho has constantly expressed the need for more investment, pointing at Manchester City and Liverpool and complaining that their toys cost more. But Fred, Diogo Dalot and Lee Grant may well be the total sum of their summer business. The boss is ‘increasingly concerned‘ that no more players will arrive.
06.30 – Maguire madness
Where else to start but with Sky Sports News, who have presumably painted their faces yellow for such a monumental day. Pray for Jim White.
According to them, Harry Maguire ‘is still hoping’ Manchester United sign him on Thursday. Jose Mourinho has already had two bids turned down, the second of which amounted to around £60m.
With Leicester closing in on two centre-halves of their own, United might have spotted themselves an opening. But the Foxes continue to insist Maguire ‘is not for sale’, and they do hold at least 427 of the cards, if not all of them.
Leicester are so adamant that Maguire will stay that the Daily Mail drop an all-caps NOT in their headline. They also say the slabheaded one is ‘ready’ to stick around, with the Foxes under no pressure to sell.
06.22 – Here we go
Are you ready for some grainy pictures taken at a weird angle by people who don’t want to get caught but must sate their desire for #numbers on social media?
Are you prepared for updates from your uncle’s neighbour’s father’s niece’s long-lost gardener about Lionel Messi being spotted at Birmingham Airport?
Are you braced for Tottenham to sign absolutely no-one before proudly unveiling Michel Vorm at 5pm, with Mauricio Pochettino’s severed arm draped around him after he was defeated in battle by Daniel Levy, whose opening bid of £2million plus Vincent Janssen in instalments for Cristiano Ronaldo was the absolute last straw?
Are you ready for transfer deadline day?
The live blog is, and will be updated from right about now to right about the 5pm deadline, when windows across the country are slammed shut, to be opened only when European clubs rock up and ask whether they can take some of their deadwood away.
Let’s make a deal: we’ll keep this page updated regularly with every new update and rumour, provided you frantically refresh it every 12 seconds?