Forget Chelsea or Manchester City: what should put Brighton, Newcastle and West Brom off signing Lionel Messi from Barcelona?
They cannot possibly justify spending gargantuan wages on a trophy-hoarding South American free agent in his 30s, while simultaneously planning to make 55 non-playing staff redundant. That would be remarkably dense.
20 minutes into Saliba's first game in an Arsenal shirt and Messi says he wants to leave Barcelona…
— James Benge (@jamesbenge) August 25, 2020
Having signed Louie Barry in January, they might feel a little uneasy poaching Barcelona’s two best players in less than a year. No-one wants a reputation for bullying smaller sides.
Lionel Messi on his future: “It is a dream of mine to play with such talent like Neil Taylor and Mahmoud Trezegeut you only get that opportunity once in a lifetime, I hope Aston Villa think I’m good enough for them and allow me to join” #AVFC pic.twitter.com/zXVVHZxUJH
— ™️4️⃣0️⃣ (@avfc40james) August 26, 2020
Messi famously sent a burofax to the Amex in May 2019 that simply read: ‘Tener cuidado con lo que deseas.’ He is still not over the decision to sack Chris Hughton.
— 𝐖ill🐦 (@Willbhafc) August 16, 2020
The only non-British or Irish players to feature for Burnley last season were Chris Wood (309 appearances for previous nine English clubs), Erik Pieters (has Stoke badge tattooed on right buttock), Matej Vydra (created in a laboratory designed to figure out the Championship’s inner workings) and Johann Berg Gudmundsson (played in England since 2014). Plus the constant Falklands banter from Phil Bardsley might be a bit much.
Heard from my mate’s cousin’s dog that Messi is on his way to Burnley on a five year. Sources say he enjoys the town, it’s people, and the culture.
Ever since being a little boy he’s wanted to play for Burnley.
— Alex Jolly (@JollyClaret) August 25, 2020
Does he really need a loan move to Vitesse at his age?
Just heard Frank Lampard is now in for #messi
Some window this if Lamps pulls this off !!
— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) August 25, 2020
He isn’t a defensive midfielder.
Perfect age for Roy too… https://t.co/rcjpQd4kZH
— HLTCO (@HLTCO) August 26, 2020
“Z-Cars is bobbins and DCI Charlie Barlow can kiss my shiny fourth Ballon d’Or,” said Messi during a no-holds-barred interview in 2018. That merchandise might forever go unsold.
Image: An Everton clothing stand, a great rival of Liverpool, put up Messi scarves on sale after his masterclass on Wednesday. pic.twitter.com/hsPaP9XcMd
— barcacentre (@barcacentre) May 3, 2019
Fulhamish made a decent fist of fighting their case but is he really going to want to warm the bench behind Anthony Knockaert on a diet of League Cup games and five-minute substitute cameos?
cmon messi come to fulham , only team to lose 3-0 with 80% possession pic.twitter.com/AyqOIErty0
— FULHAM IN JAPAN (@Fulham_japan) August 26, 2020
Putting together a team and a player who have terrible memories of facing Bayern Munich is inadvisable if Marcelo Bielsa is to right the wrongs of 1975.
Messi to City. Load of bollocks. He's got a seat booked next to Rodrigo to Leeds Bradford airport pic.twitter.com/6TV4YltFZX
— Rupert Trousers 🇦🇷 (@RupertTrousers) August 25, 2020
Brendan Rodgers has signed the best 33-year-old in the world to a lucrative contract already this week. Jamie Vardy will still be peeling off the shoulder of the last defender when Dean Gaffney finally stars in his Hollywood biopic in 2061.
Lionel Messi: "I think the next logical move for me after leaving Barcelona is Leicester City. It's been a dream of mine to one day play with Marc Albrighton. I still have his shirt framed in my living room" pic.twitter.com/0AYb4HOzGL
— Deluded Brendan (@DeludedBrendan) August 25, 2020
Liverpool’s front 3 if they sign Messi pic.twitter.com/zBq53dZXk3
— Banter FC (@BanterFC5) August 25, 2020
The financial ramifications involved in a £631.3m buyout clause, as well as an extravagant contract and extortionate image rights that bring the sum total investment over three years to almost £900m, must be avoided by a club only recently absolved of a serious breach of FFP regulations, and whose fiscal actions are subsequently under even greater scrutiny than usual.
And imagine how disappointing it would be if he and Kevin de Bruyne didn’t score and assist 427 goals every game. You can sometimes have too much of a good thing.
🔴 BREAKING: Messi decided to continue his career in Manchester City 🚨
— LA NACION Deportes (@DeportesLN) August 26, 2020
Messi watching Jesse Lingard and Daniel James during his first training session with Man Utd. 🤣😭
— Omoniyi Israel (@__Omoissy) August 25, 2020
The economy is not ready for the entire Newcastle fanbase to collectively discard every item of clothing above the waist in permanent celebration of signing the natural successor to Christian Bassedas, nor is any species of police horse prepared to accept the inevitable physical consequences of such unbridled excitement.
— Michael⚫️⚪️ (@MichaeINUFC) August 25, 2020
Does Messi look like the kind of person who has ever encountered a gallon of Magnet, a packet of Woodbines, a good pinch of snuff or a greasy chip butty in his sheltered existence?
Messi signing for say, Sheffield United, would be one of my favourite stories of all time. Already got about 10 feature ideas.
— Emma Sanders (@em_sandy) August 25, 2020
Football law dictates he has to at least join Celtic for a bit first.
— Rob Davidovitz (@RobDavidovitz) August 26, 2020
Daniel Levy’s offer of £2m, Serge Aurier and a private cheese room will naturally tempt Barcelona, but his decision to wait until ten minutes before the transfer deadline to open negotiations might prove fatal to their hopes. It’s a shame, because he could have elevated them to fifth favourites for the title and would have plenty of Argentinean mates to constantly undermine Jose Mourinho with.
"Daniel, #Messi wants to join us and all he wants is the taxi fare!"
Daniel Levy: pic.twitter.com/UrACfetTzX
— Darren Walsh (@A_Tottenham_Man) August 25, 2020
If Serge Gnabry wasn’t good enough to make it at The Hawthorns, the fella that watched him score while beating his team 8-2 can’t hope to get a game ahead of Matt Phillips.
— Danny Williams 🎯 (@DannyWilliams10) August 26, 2020
The moment the greatest footballer of this or any generation is made to cross his arms and profess his undying love for bubbles, while David Gold posts a picture of Joe Allen on social media to welcome him, is the point at which we should all just pack it in and call it a day.
Good evening just heard Lionel Messi wants a move. I would love to see him play in the Premier League. Obviously for my team West Ham He HE. But where ever he ends up I cant wait to see him play over here "Know wot I mean Lionel " pic.twitter.com/TnJhWgrA0H
— Frank Bruno MBE 🇬🇧 (@frankbrunoboxer) August 26, 2020
Not a Jorge Mendes client? Sorry, pal. Them’s the breaks.
Just convinced Messi to join Wolves pic.twitter.com/T060u2rbTA
— 🚼 (@GeorgeTheStud) August 25, 2020