Try as they might, Liverpool, Manchester United, Chelsea and indeed no Premier League side could ever sign these gossip column regulars.
Liverpool are apparently signing a central defender as short-term cover despite him not having played for 14 months…
Liverpool have been ‘offered’ a fix to their injury crisis, while Arsenal have been told they are ‘too timid’..
“I feel very good and now I just have to listen to the health authorities.”
Arsenal want Jonny Evans (£15m) and Mauro Icardi (£50m). Plus United will target Fonte, Bonucci or Garay.