Praise be to the glorious, Klopp-slaying king of the sh*thouses…
Johnny Nic touts his Hero of the Week, Diego Simeone, as the next manager of Dirty Leeds…
Hero Of The Week
Our hero of the week is England’s top scorer this season…
Eoin Doyle has a classic journeyman story. But he has finally found a happy home in – for now – League Two.
Hero of the Week: The much-loved voice of football and everything else…
Too good at his job to take centre-stage but too warm to be invisible. That’ll be Jim Rosenthal then…
Nagelsmann will own football and drive Tottenham to jealousy
Nagelsmann is the hero of the week for making Mourinho and Spurs look silly. He’s 32, wears make-up and is brilliant.
All hail the Cumdog who pissed on Jurgen Klopp’s chips…
Johnny Nic is more familiar than most with his hero of the week. The Cumdog, ladies and gentlemen…
Chelsea, Everton can get their hands off our hero of the week
Let’s hope Ciro Immobile isn’t the latest expensive cut of meat to be ground up by the Premier League mincer.
Hero of the week Lukaku has made Man Utd look awful silly
Romelu Lukaku has been fighting the good fight his entire life. And scoring goals along the way.
The rock star midfielder with floppy hair and skill to burn…
Johnny’s hero of the week can only be Jack Grealish. And Aston Villa fans really do love him so…
Hero of the week: Peter Drury, the broadcast poet
Peter was voted Commentator of the Year at this week’s FSA awards and he’s Johnny Nic’s hero of the week…
Johnson, Corbyn and Keys all fear our hero of the week
We cling onto Marina Hyde’s work like a rubber ring in the deep end of the swimming pool of existence.
Marcus Rashford is football at its most basic and glorious
Marcus Rashford plays fast and direct. It is sensational poetry instead of boring maths.
We must not let the Premier League ruin heroic Haaland
Johnny fears for our 14-year-old marauding Viking if the Premier League has its way with him. Love you, Erling.
This is just the start for Mauricio Pochettino, our Hero of the Week…
Johnny Nic pays tribute to a man who’ll never again have to buy a drink in north London: Mauricio Roberto Pochettino Trossero…
Hero of the week: The criminally-underrated Robert Lewandowski
Most of us appear to have become complacent to the Bayern Munich hitman’s brilliance. Not our Johnny…
All aboard the John Lundstram for England bandwagon…
Some players just suit the Premier League better than the lower leagues. Step forward John David Lundstram.
Leicester are ‘welcome sunshine in Premier League darkness’
Johnny’s heroes of the week are Leicester City. But really he just wants to pile more love on Jamie Vardy…
Kylian Mbappe has naturalised preternatural brilliance
Kylian Mbappe has the football world at his explosive feet, and doesn’t turn 21 for another couple of months. Ooft.
Heroic Serge Gnabry is proof the Premier League is not king
Serge Gnabry failed in England – and not because of Arsene Wenger or Tony Pulis – but bounced back to prove himself.
All hail the Championship, the *real* premier league
Anyone can beat anyone. You can go from nowhere to title winners. The Championship is fun.
Our hero of the week (every week) is Raheem Sterling
He is a bloody brilliant footballer and a truly inspiring man. What a hero. It’s that boy Raheem Sterling.
Our hero of the week is the inspirational Lucy Bronze
At just 27, England’s own Lucy Bronze has pretty much been through – and won – it all.
Our hero of the week: a Hillsborough crusader & Bury battler
His work ensured he should never have to buy a pint in Bury, Bolton, Liverpool or Leeds ever again. Football owes David Conn.
Teemu Pukki is a hero who shows we should never give up
Teemu Pukki looks like a builder, is a top fella, bloody well gets it and is smashing it at Norwich.
Hero of the week: Phil Parkinson, captain of Bolton’s sinking ship
With only two senior players available this weekend, Phil Parkinson is leading Bolton’s fight for survival…
An ode to Jabulani-taming, Liverpool-beating Diego Forlan
Man United fans still love Diego Forlan despite his average record. But what a f***ing player when he left…
Johnny’s hero of the week: Boro boy Jonathan Woodgate
Boro boy, Boro player, Boro manager….and a bloody brilliant (though broken) defender in between…
Hero of the week: The extraordinary Megan Rapinoe
What a woman. Anybody who winds up Donald Trump and Piers Morgan is alright by us…
Hero of the week: The exceptional, canny Steph Houghton
Steph Houghton missed a penalty but remains a hero in the eyes of many. She is a legend.
Hero of the Week: The Spanish Buddha that is Rafa Benitez
Rafa Benitez has gone from Newcastle and the fans should walk with him, writes John Nicholson…
Hero of the week: Sam Kerr so ‘suck on that one’…
This week’s hero is an Australian with a potty mouth.