Football’s small pleasures: Handshake confusion
Will they be able to shake hands successfully without looking like massive idiots? We love the dance.
Last Defender
The last Last Defender: Real football fans
Being working-class or a minority in 2017 is not much fun. Football might be all there is…
The Last Defender: Half-time shirt-swapping
It’s not the players who need to keep their shirts on here…it’s those who make a fuss.
The Last Defender: Touchline shenanigans
Grown men pushing and shoving because they play for clubs geographically close. What fun.
The Last Defender: Identikit stadiums
Grounds get their identity not from bricks or steel but from fans. And old buildings are sh*t.
The Last Defender: Cynical fouls
It is so patently cheating, and yet so obviously the smartest and most efficient thing to do…
The Last Defender: Bias in football
Was Martin Tyler biased? In that moment when he is getting excited about Wayne Rooney, then yes. But he was right.
The Last Defender: The prawn sandwich brigade
Most football simply isn’t exciting enough to shout yourself hoarse. Jose has to put on Rocky Horror, not Chekhov.
The Last Defender: Timewasting
We *could* just use a stopwatch to keep things uniform. But where’s the bloody fun in that?
The Last Defender: That club tat time of year
It’s the time of year for poking fun at club tat, but the only thing that solves it is an amnesty. Good luck…
The Last Defender: ‘The Premier League era’
There’s always somebody decrying records when they come with a caveat. But this is a useful caveat.
Promotion and relegation: Same as it ever was..
Would it surprise you to learn it was more common to Do a Leeds 40 years ago than it is now?
The Last Defender: Corporate sponsorship
A corporate mascot saved Steven Chicken’s life, so think before you decry RB Leipzig…
The Last Defender: Gloves, tights and snoods
Gloves? Gloves? Just because it’s cold? Keeping warm is human instinct but God help the footballer who tries…
The Last Defender: Imaginary yellow cards
The world’s serious enough as it is; let’s enjoy the ridiculous where we can. And this is sodding ridiculous.
The Last Defender: Club rebrands
We’d all be a little bit annoyed if someone moved our knives and forks, but it’s only a minor inconvenience.
The Last Defender: Coloured football boots
For some, coloured football boots are a definite sign of fickle, flighty players. You like colours? You big poove…
The Last Defender: Half-and-half scarves
They make Henry Winter very angry but this is a newsflash: There’s no such thing as enjoying it wrong.