The last we heard, United were still trying to agree an initial Sancho fee. Akpom has made a breakthrough.
Liverpool are champions. And "the winners of the Premier League" will play in the Community Shield final. But...
Paul Merson is obsessed with burgers, 'biting mockery' of Man United leads to optimism and...
Manchester United have finished third. Which is officially 'back on the glory trail'.
Jamie Redknapp has accidentally called himself 'deluded' while the Big Four returns. Except...
It's actually uncanny how much Ole is like Sir Alex. He has 'timed his run perfectly', apparently.
The reaction to a forgivable mistake was utterly bizarre. Paul Pogba was only 'practicing his hoops'.
Arteta is WORSE than Emery. Ceballos took some corners. And Liverpool have a 'reported' transfer target.
After getting it wrong with Sheffield United, you might think Stan Collymore would learn about Leeds.
David De Gea is trending so crowbar him in everywhere with Liverpool and Jose Mourinho...
Or should that be 'How Liverpool must sign a new left-back and centre-half'? Don't worry; all will become clear.
We feel we need to remind you that Manchester United are still fifth.
Spurs and Newcastle (and Leicester and Burnley) are part of a 'protectionist cartel' and 'terrified' of themselves.
Those Jadon Sancho claims are just lies. Is that okay? Plus Maguire is a 7/10 laughing stock.
It's the one unanswered question when everyone wants a toe in Man City's business...
Mason Greenwood has scored in three straight games. But he is being 'warned' left, right and centre.
Beware Mason Greenwood, for Jesse Lingard used to be just like you...
Did you know Vardy almost joined Arsenal a while ago? And Thiago has 'shed new light' on something or other.
Who thinks Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has a poor work-rate and the potential for bad behaviour?
Man United are signing all of the players...including a 'hijack' predicted by an 11-word tweet.
This is obviously the perfect time to tell Man City that they must start valuing defence.
Dortmund are being all 'Comical Ali' if they think they can resist Man United, it seems..
A relegation battle was 'perfectly possible' in October. By July, Manchester United fans are 'misty-eyed'.
As he says: "I think it's a load of nonsense!" And it's not like there is precedent for guards of honour.
Man United probably asked themselves the same question in 2009. Klopp is going to QUIT anyway.
Let's all laugh at some pre-season predictions. But also shake our head at those excusing Liverpool fans.
Martial is not Kane and must show "the same enthusiasm" as Rashford, who faced a 'backlash'.
Calling Paul Merson a 'poor tipster' after Harry Kane 'rammed' that 'criticism back down his throat'? Erm...
It's Jose Mourinho but not as we know it. Plus, man does not grin on way to work...
Naby Keita was either a 5 or an 8 while we have to pretend that there is some drama here...
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