Will they be able to shake hands successfully without looking like massive idiots? We love the dance.
Being working-class or a minority in 2017 is not much fun. Football might be all there is...
It's not the players who need to keep their shirts on here...it's those who make a fuss.
Grown men pushing and shoving because they play for clubs geographically close. What fun.
Grounds get their identity not from bricks or steel but from fans. And old buildings are sh*t.
It is so patently cheating, and yet so obviously the smartest and most efficient thing to do...
Was Martin Tyler biased? In that moment when he is getting excited about Wayne Rooney, then yes. But he was right.
Most football simply isn't exciting enough to shout yourself hoarse. Jose has to put on Rocky Horror, not Chekhov.
The age of 4-4-2 and even of regular starting XIs is gone. Why can't a centre-half be No 11?
Some managers have made a career out of it. Southampton have proved it can be a long-term success.
Midweek fixtures can be a killer, but what else can the PL do? And do they even happen all that often?
Goal music is hated, but if we don't let it bring the terraces together in love, love will tear us apart again.
There's always somebody decrying records when they come with a caveat. But this is a useful caveat.
Would it surprise you to learn it was more common to Do a Leeds 40 years ago than it is now?