Relax, United fans, Rooney isn’t injured. Oh.
Louis van Gaal says that he brought Wayne Rooney off because he was limping, but there’s no injury
Wayne Rooney
LVG: Rooney would play if he wasn’t captain
“Wayne is doing a lot, has a great contribution. I am very satisfied with him.” At least someone is.
Rooney and Terry on FIFPro World XI shortlist
United and Chelsea captains make shortlist of famous footballers from votes by half-arsed players.
Champions League winners and losers
Willian remains Chelsea’s honourable exception, while Juan Mata will be crying over his keyboard
‘We need to score more goals as a team,’ says Rooney
“I think we need to score more goals as a team,” says Rooney. The captain doing so might be a good start.
Keane: Why is ‘awful’ Rooney slapping wrestlers?
“Last week I saw him slapping a wrestler. Why is he getting involved in that nonsense?” Never change, Roy.
Eriksson: Rooney in same category as Messi and Ronaldo
Sven is trying to sell China to Wayne Rooney and says the striker will still be world class in three years.
Van Gaal: Rooney not ‘automatically’ back
But frankly we don’t believe him. Wayne Rooney will surely be back to face PSV and then Leicester City.
Rooney and Martial out, Depay to play up front?
United will be missing Martial, Rooney and Fellaini at Watford. Time to shine, Memphis.
Rooney hopes (prays?) Martial injury is not serious
“I will try to ring him,” says Wayne. We’ll keep you updated as to whether or not he succeeds.
Sheringham: Build Man United round Rooney
Teddy Sheringham is the latest former Man United player to suggest LVG is wasting Wayne Rooney.
Gossip: Rooney, De Gea, Ronaldo…
It’s one of the most ridiculous recent editions of transfer gossip, featuring Rooney, De Gea and Ronaldo.
Mata: Rooney will score more nearer box
Somebody needs to tell Mata that his Manchester United captain isn’t scoring wherever he plays.
Rooney still England’s ‘most important figure’ – Hodgson
Rooney won’t start against Spain on Friday, and Hodgson says Jamie Vardy is doubtful for the friendly too…
Herrera: Rooney one of best in the world
Ander Herrera still regards Wayne Rooney as one of the best players on the planet. Which planet?
Van Gaal ‘would consider’ dropping Rooney
Louis van Gaal admits he “would consider” dropping Wayne Rooney if he feels it would benefit Man United.
Van Gaal: Maybe Rooney is doing too much
That’s one possible explanation for Wayne Rooney being a little bit rubbish.
Scholes ‘wouldn’t enjoy’ playing for LVG’s United
Anyone get the feeling Paul Scholes doesn’t rate Louis van Gaal. He’s had another pop…
Rooney and four other unjustified undroppables
Rooney is the reigning ‘unjustified undroppable’ champion, but there are four contenders to his crown.
Xavi: United need a striker who can run
Completely ignoring the last few seasons, Xavi says Wayne Rooney should play in a deeper role.
Rooney: Smalling in world’s top three centre-halves
Wayne Rooney claims Chris Smalling is now one of the “top three centre-halves in the world”.
Mediawatch: Who thinks Rooney outplayed Martial?
At least one man does. And The Sun think he was just as good as Chris Smalling. Plus, Harry.
Mails: Mata and Schweini worse than Rooney
Also, Klopp needs time, Villa are in an endless cycle, and Mourinho’s arrogance is making this all more fun.
What the papers say: Wayne Rooney
“Then you have to write it down. It is your opinion,” said an irked LVG of Rooney. And write it down they did…
Van Gaal ‘sick’ of talking about Rooney
Louis van Gaal says he is “sick of” answering questions about Wayne Rooney after another rotten match.
Premier League winners and losers
Raheem Sterling, Georginio Wijnaldum, Ander Herrera, Eden Hazard and Daniel Sturridge feature.
Van Gaal: Rooney a ‘very social human being’
Does that mean he goes out a lot? Louis van Gaal is impressed with his captain’s social skills.
Rooney, Martinez lament death of legend Kendall
Wayne Rooney and Roberto Martinez both spoke highly of Howard Kendall after the Everton legend’s untimely death.
Van Gaal expects Rooney to hit goal trail
Louis van Gaal expects Wayne Rooney to hit the goal trail after he ended his drought against Everton.
Mediawatch: What has he done for Portugal?
What’s Cristiano Ronaldo ever done at international level? Apart from all that…