Arsenal ‘windfall’ incoming as Liverpool swap deal proposed

Editor F365
Mikel Arteta and Ibrahima Konate
Mikel Arteta and Ibrahima Konate

Arsenal are notoriously bad at selling players so a ‘windfall’ comes as marvellous news. Meanwhile, a Liverpool swap deal is proposed.

We’re not saying the transfer window is a bit rubbish, but there’s some utter nonsense around…

 

Arsenal windfall incoming…

We’re not saying there’s f*** all happening in the world of transfers, but this is the Mirror‘s live blog on Thursday morning:

Transfer news LIVE: Man Utd’s Carrick message, PSG want Fernandez, Arsenal and Liverpool latest

‘Arsenal and Liverpool latest’, you say? So strap yourselves in for a game of ‘let’s pretend’.

There are at least two Arsenal mentions among their ‘KEY EVENTS’.

  • ‘Arsenal given fresh Guehi issue’

Hmmm. Arsenal are a million miles away from being the favourites for Marc Guehi and we suspect the ‘fresh issue’ of Bayern Munich being interested is rather less important than the old issue of there actually being no centre-half place available at Arsenal, who are clearly just getting involved because they think they should.

So what’s the other ‘KEY EVENT’?

  • Arsenal set for windfall

Now this is interesting, because Arsenal are famously terrible at selling players. And it’s a ‘KEY EVENT’ so it must be pretty damned juicy.

We have to scroll down a long way but then…

Arsenal are set to pocket at least £2.5million thanks to Nuno Tavares’ impending move to Besiktas.

Oh.

Well that’s Kai Havertz’s wages paid for a whole two months. And change for some dog food for Win.

As for the ‘Liverpool latest’, Stan Collymore has suggested Ezri Konsa as a target for the Reds. And presumably Villa fans would like to suggest he shoves that suggestion up his arse.

 

Collywobbles

We have to stay on the subject of that particular suggestion and turn to the Mirror:

Liverpool swap deal proposed that would see England star head to Anfield in huge move

Obviously they have accidentally omitted the words ‘by Stan Collymore’ (how careless), but let’s take a closer look at this proposed swap deal.

Former Liverpool and Aston Villa forward Stan Collymore has proposed a swap deal between the two clubs before the January transfer window closes. And it’s one that could work out for both teams in the long run.

Could it? Let us be the judge of that…

Following Ibrahima Konate’s rocky record so far this season, Collymore has suggested that he be offered to Villa in exchange for Ezri Konsa. Konate, 26, is out of contract at the end of this season and is reportedly being monitored by clubs such as Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and PSG.

What fool thinks Konate – linked with a free transfer move to Europe’s biggest clubs – would now swap that dream for Aston Villa?

Ah, this fool…

“For me, Konate thinks he’s the best defender since sliced bread but hasn’t played like it recently. I’m sure he’s thinking he’ll be going to the likes of PSG or Real Madrid, but could there be a swap deal where Konsa goes to Liverpool and Konate goes to Aston Villa?”

No. No, there could not. But don’t let that get in the way of the headline, fellas.

 

Scrap Heap Challenge

Maybe it’s different in the north but if you think this was a ‘scrap’ (Daily Mail), then you really might not want to leave the house any time after 6pm on a weekend night.

Obviously the Daily Mail are relying on the fact that you have not seen the footage as they trumpet this headline:

Liam Rosenior grapples with Chelsea’s discipline problem as new manager is forced to HOLD BACK captain Enzo Fernandez in full-time scrap after Arsenal defeat

Question: Can it be a ‘scrap’ if no punches are thrown?

And are we just ignoring the fact that Mikel Arteta also got between his player (Martin Zubimendi) and the opposition, or are we too busy getting giddy about Rosenior? Scrap? This wasn’t even handbags; a clutch bag if anything. Genuinely, almost nothing happened.

We really do not recognise this description…

But as the Argentina star spotted Zubimendi unprotected moments later, he charged over to his rival yet again and appeared to grab his neck – only for Rosenior to arrive and drag his player back to safety.

Charged?!

Rosenior seemed to raise his voice at his players as both Arsenal and Chelsea team-mates gathered, with Fernandez then appearing to switch his focus to former colleague Havertz.

That’s an awful lot of ‘seeming’ and ‘appearing’ from a video with no on-pitch sound.

 

Weight watchers

Talking of Enzo Fernandez, we are told that he is ‘weighing up’ his future (The Sun), while this is from Metro:

Liam Rosenior is facing his first major test as Chelsea manager with club captain Enzo Fernandez weighing up his future.

We think his first major test was probably Arsenal in the Carabao Cup, closely followed by the clusterf*** that is his goalkeeper, but more importantly to us, we grow increasingly tired of the narrative that footballers can just go around ‘weighing up their future’.

PSG can weigh up a bid and Chelsea can then weigh up that bid if it materialises, but it’s only then that Fernandez can start weighing up his own future.

We read that the ‘hurt’ player is ‘in line for stunning transfer’ and can only laugh; only if they offer over £100m, guys.

Mediawatch